Congratulations!
by Lupiniun Star
Summary: Sasha gets a pop-up that will change her life, and her living arangements, forever. Or, you know, at least for awhile. A Hetalia Manual fic. Hilarity and shenanigans ensues. Rated 'T' for language, and the Bad Touch Trio in later chapters. And alcohol.
1. Creep Master

*headdesk*

Yeah... Just, yeah. -.-' I'm doing a Hetalia Manual fic. I couldn't resist. The ideas wouldn't leave. I even had a dream about this. O.e Shuddup. Don't judge me.

Sasha's friend is based on a friend on here, Avrel the Teller. She gave me permission. Just cause I wanted Sasha's friend to be somewhat like her. XD ... And yes. She did say exactly what will be the first sentence of the story. DX

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING except for Sasha, Madge, Aunt, and Jasper... LolliDictator is the genius with the manuals. Go check them out.

Oh, and Sash is not a typo. It's Sasha's sometime nickname.

**-/Hetalia/-**

'Russia's a creep-master.' [1]

I sat with my mouth gaping open as I read those four words. What?

'I don't like him.'

No. Way. I rubbed my grey-green eyes in disbelief. I had just managed to convince my friend of ten years to watch Hetalia. I had been trying for like half a year, and finally last month she had called me with the words I needed to hear. "I hate you. I have enough to watch already." Okay, maybe not the best wording, but it still worked. I had gotten a victory. But this? Her hating my absolute FAVORITE character? Not so much.

'Sasha? Sash, you there?'

I let my hands hover over the keyboard, unsure of what to type. 'Yeah... I'm here. But... HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE IVAN!'

'*shrugs* He's a creep-master. I just don't.'

I facepalmed. Ugh, Madge could be so annoying sometimes. 'Well, what about America? England? The awesomeness that is Prussia?'

'America's annoying. England's cool, and Prussia? Just, no.'

Another message appeared.

'Germany's my favorite.'

Hold on. There was a pattern here... 'Wait. You only like the more serious ones?'

'Basically.'

My reply was one word: 'Why?'

It took a few minutes, but I finally got a reply. 'The others are way too annoying. I couldn't handle them in real life.'

I literally laughed out loud at my computer. If any people had been around they would have stared. But there weren't, so I was perfetly fine. 'That's the best part though, Madge. You don't have to.'

... Oh, the irony.

I looked at the clock, quickly typing another sentence. 'Video chat time with my gaurdian, sorry but I have to go.'

'Oh. Okay, see you. Have a good summer!'

'Same to you.' I exited out of the chat and pulled up my webcam program. I went to my contacts and selected my aunt. Her face soon popped up. [2]

"Oh, darling!" She said, leaning in. My aunt was named Aimee Roux. She was my mother's sister, but looked nothing like her or me. Not only that, but she embraced her French heritage (Ugh. That's right. I was part French. It gave me shivers every time I thought about it, because I always thought of Francis. Luckily, it was balanced out with a whole lot of Irish, German, and even some English and Russian sprinkled in) and was overly-extravagent. She was a good aunt, but she was slightly snooty. "How have you been?"

"Oh, fine," I said, smiling. "Especially considering my aunt left me, A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL, alone in this CREEPY, OLD house by myself. I can't even go past my bedroom on the second floor. I keep thinking some ax-murderer or ghost is going to jump out at me." Why yes, I was a scardy-cat. Why do you ask? I kept getting scared at night, hearing noises where there were none and what-not. And the nightmares totally did not help.

"I know, honey," Aimee soothed, looking worried. "I just left in such a hurry. I couldn't rebook all my tickets, you see."

"I know." My aunt was always flying around the world for her job. Some sort of saleswoman, I believe. I never really paid attention. She was traveling around the world at this moment, selling whatever. Right after we moved from our sizable three-bedroom apartment into this scary, giant house at the edge of town, she had to leave.

"I've been thinkng about getting someone to stay with you." My aunt smiled at me, believing I would like this decision.

I did not, as could be told by my face visibly paling. A twisted quirk of mine was that despite being slightly paranoid at night, I really did love my alone time. I could be as weird as I wanted to, watch anime whenever, wherever, and however loud I wanted to (My aunt disliked anime. Whenever she saw me watching it, she would tell me to go somewhere with my friends and get out of the house), and talk to inanimate objects, animals, and myself as much as I wanted to. What? I bet a lot of people do it.

"No!" I said loudly. My alone time would be ruined by some strange... stranger. "I'm almost seventeen. I'm fine by myself. Besides, I have Jasper here." Jasper was my big, lovable Newfoundland. He was extremely clingy and protective.

"Well, yes..." My aunt was still hesitant. "But you can't cook at all, Sasha."

Damn. Point one for Auntie. What could I say to that extremely true statement?

"Hahahaha!" Saying my laughter was awkward was an understatement. "That's what microwaves are for! I can cook eggs and pancakes as well. Maybe not the best, but they're edible. Please let me stay alone? At least until the summer's over?" If I was going to end up having someone else in this house other than Jasper and my aunt in her year long abscence, I wanted to at least have the rest of summer to myself.

"I'll give you my decision in two days." Aimee was looking at her watch. "Now I have to go. Be good, and don't eat too much junk food."

"Aye."

She rolled her eyes at me. "Goodbye, Sash."

"Farewell." She blinked off my screen, and I groaned, hitting my head against the computer desk. I could see Jasper from his position laying next to my feet. "You heard me, Jasper. Say farewell to your alone time. Go be alone while you can." The stupid dog just looked at me before laying his head on my foot. "Or, you know, stay by my side constantly." I looked back to my computer. I needed cheering up, so I made my way to my favorite Hetalia-watching site.

I had gotten a whole season down before my computer began pitching a fit. Which consisted of it being slow and letting tons of pop-ups appear. "Don't be a bitch," I whined at it [3], beginning to clear them off of my monitor.

One just would not go down. It had 'CONGRATULATIONS' written in such a bright, flashing, large font it was a miracle I even noticed the prize. A free set of Hetalia units? I started as a woman's voice came from my speakers. "Congratulations! You have won a free set of Hetalia units! They will be delivered to your house in one to two days time."

"Shut up," I growled, just turning off my computer. It had to just be a scam, since I hadn't entered my address or anything. I looked at the clock and noticed it was midnight. Time to get some sleep. I looked up at the stairs and down at Jasper. He wouldn't go up those stairs at all, and there were no bedrooms on the bottom floor. Which caused me to miss my big fluffy pillow at night. So I decided to sleep on the couch that night. Pshht. It totally wasn't because there had just been a creeking noise from upstairs and I was afraid of sleeping up there alone. I quickly ran upstairs and got ready for bed, and ran back down to plop on the large couch with a blanket. I soon fell asleep, Jasper curled on the floor next to the couch.

**-/Hetalia/-**

Loud knocking woke me up the next morning. "The hell..." I hissed, rubbing my eyes and sitting up. "Why is someone here at- oh, it's one o'clock in the afternoon..." I stood up and answered the door to see a tanned boy with blond hair. He wore a shirt with Flying Mint Bunny on it, and a cap with a pair of small green wings. I just stared.

Of course, I probably was a sight myself. I was wearing a giant purple t-shirt that fell off one shoulder and reached mid-theigh. I also had a pair of white gym shorts on, and my curly dark brown hair was pulled back into SOMETHING resembling a ponytail. So I can not blame him when he just stared back.

"Whaddya want," I mumbled, rubbing sleep out of my right eye.

He cleared his throat. "Ah, are you... Sasha Collins?"

"Yeah. That's me."

"I have a package for you. If you'll just sign here, I'll bring it in. It's heavy." He held out an electric signer.

"I didn't order anything," I protested, crossing my arms.

"We get that a lot, Miss Collins. I won't be leaving until you sign." He shoved the signer towards me.

"Geez, pushy much?" I caved. I did not want this dude standing here all day. I signed in messy cursive.

"Where do you want it?" He took off his hat and scratched his head.

"The living room is fine. I'm going to go upstairs and change." He nodded and I went upstairs, it being less creepy in the sunshine. I changed into a pair of jean shorts and a hooded t-shirt. I also brushed my teeth and hair. My hair was still curly though, reaching just below my shoulders. When I came back downstairs the deliveryman was gone, and there was a large box in the middle of the living room. A smaller box was sitting next to it, and my dog was glaring at said large box.

But nothing of that really fazed me. What did faze me was what was on the large box.

Chains.

THERE WERE CHAINS WRAPPED ALL AROUND THE BOX.

Why the fuck were three chains on this thing!

I padded over to it and took off the manila envelope attached to it saying 'WARNING: READ FIRST'. I opened it up and almost choked at what it said.

'Ivan Braginski: User Guide and Manual

CONGRATULATIONS! You have just purchased your very own IVAN BRAGINSKI unit. This manual was written in order to allow you, the owner, to unlock your unit's full potentials, and it is advised that you read this before trying anything. Mistreatment of the IVAN BRAGINSKI unit can (and, in most cases, will) prove extremely lethal.'

Okay. First of all, how did they get my address? And second (not to mention more important) I could die? This Russia unit thing could kill me!

"SQUEEEE! YESSS-SSS-SS!"

Oh, no way in hell. That was NOT just a fangirl squeal coming out of my mouth. I was excited at the prospect of being killed. I was disgusted with myself as I bounced on the balls of my feet, reading more. Apparently whatever was in there was sounding like it was alive. Weird. I looked down at methods of removal.

'This may prove to be an extremely difficult task if your IVAN BRAGINSKI unit is moved incorrectly, or awakened in the wrong manner. For your safety, we have provided a list of safe ways in which to wake your unit:

1. Stand next to the box and yell, "Brother!" at the top of your lungs. You will hear sobbing from the box, and you can now unlock and unchain it and open it to let a frightened IVAN BRAGINSKI out. He will react warmly once he realizes that you are not a NATALIYA ARLOVSKAYA unit.

2. Undo the chains on the box and stand very far away, preferable at a distance from which you have to use a microphone in order to shout, "The American Armstrong walked on the moon!" You can also yell, "I'm AWESOME!" Both actions will make your IVAN BRAGINSKI unit hostile, though the second phrase might make your unit a bit horny; consequently, he may go off in search of a GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT unit before you can reprogram him.

3. Cook Chinese food, preferably a food with a strong odor, and leave a plate of it next to the box before standing far away. Be warned, the lid may fly off and hit you if you are too close. This will make your IVAN BRAGINSKI unit leave in search of a YAO WANG unit unless you reprogram him quickly enough.

4. Play the Lithuanian, Estonian, or Latvian national anthems and stand far away, preferably behind a barrier of some sort. This will make your unit violent and he will go to find a TORIS LORINAITIS unit unless you reprogram him quickly enough.

5. If you think you can manage, then just open the lid of the box and reprogram him directly. Be warned, because the IVAN BRAGINSKI unit is notorious for waking up in the middle of reprogramming, and if he does he will immediately turn hostile.'

Well then. Two was out of the question, as I quite possibly could die. And a very awkward death it would be, with me fangirl-ing all over him. It would contain squealing, happiness, and quite possibly glomping. No thanks. And for the same reason, three and five were out as well.

Three I couldn't do since, as pointed out earlier, I could not cook.

Looks like it would be one. I cleared my throat and summuoned all the Belarus-ness I could. I probably had one creepy-ass look on my face. "Brother..." I said at normal volume. Nothing. Well, I could be louder. "BROTHER! MARRY ME! BROTHER!"

I jumped at the reaction. I was expecting it, but it still surprised me. Sobbing immediantly came from the box. There was even shaking. "Nyet[4]! Go away, Natalya!" It sounded just like Russia from the anime.

I quickly unchained the thing and opened the top. In it, Ivan was in a fetal position, tears gathering at the sides of his eyes.

He looked up at me. "You are not Natalya, da[5]?"

I shook my head. "N-n-no. Do I-I look l-l-like h-her?" Damn, I was so nervous I was stuttering. He stared at me longer and I started to blush.

"Nyet," he said. He reached up and tugged on one of my curls. Ouch. I managed to pull it out of his hand. "Is Natalya here?"

"Um, n-no."

"That is good." He stood up suddenly.

I fell backwards onto my butt in surprise. "Ah, geez," I said wincing. I rubbed my backside and got up.

"You are a klutz, da?" He chuckled at me. His smile began to spread across his face, making me shiver. It really was creepy.

"Da. I mean, yeah." The bastard was probably enjoying my pain. An epic bastard, but a bastard none-the-less. There was an awkward silence. At least it was awkward for me. I couldn't imagine anything being awkward for the 6'2" Russian in front of me. At least it seemed my stuttering had stopped.

" ... Become one with Mother Russia?" Ivan smiled happily, looking childish.

It was too much. I burst into laughter. And not just any laughter, no. Gut busting, I'm-going-to-die-because-I-can't-breathe, rolling on the floor laughter. I had just been waiting for him to say that. He stared at me, his smile unintentionally getting less creepy. "I can't breathe," I choked out. I had manage to keep the laughter down to holding my stomach and leaning against the couch. "C-can I get back to you on that question?"

"... Da."

I wiped a tear from the side of my eye. "Er.. it's nice to meet you, Ivan."

"Da. Your name?" He kept smiling down at me, getting creepy again.

Right. Forgot that. "Sasha Collins." I stuck out my hand, unsure whether or not I should shake hands with him.

Turrns out it didn't matter.

"Sasha?" His smile began to falter.

"Uhh... yeah. It's the name my parents gave me." I stared at him. What was wrong?

"But.." He looked down to my chest. I blushed and crossed my arms over it, and he looked back at my face. "You are a girl, da?"

"Considering where you were looking, obviously," I muttered, my face red. Seriously, what was up? Russia was many things, but a pervert was not one of them. That was left up to France, Korea, and Prussia.

"Sasha is a Russian boy name."

"What? Sasha's a girl's name!" Surely my parents didn't give me a guy's name?

"Nyet. It is a boy's name meaning 'defender of men'. A good name, but a boy's." He chuckled at me again.

"No way!" I ran over to my computer, quickly doing a search. Ivan was telling the truth. "Well, it seems my parents- HOLY MOTHER OF FRENCH TOAST[6]!" My heart almost stopped beating and I almost fell over again. Ivan was standing right behind me, creepy smile aimed right at me. "Don't be a creep-master," I said, using Madge's insult. I regretted it as soon as I saw his smile widen.

He stuck out his hand and I stared at it. "You wanted to shake my hand, da?"

Oh yeah. I did. I put my hand in his gloved one and shook it. My hand really was small compared to his. Wow, Ivan had a tight grip. Was he squeezing my hand? It felt- OH FLYING FRENCHMEN THAT HURT[7]!

I cried out in pain, my hand being smushed in his. A purple aura surrounded him. "LEMME GO! OW, OW! LEMME GO YOU SADISTIC GIANT RUSSIAN!" I was almost to my knees. "OH PLEASE, JUST LEMME GO! I'M SOOORRYYYYYY!" His hand loosened slightly, but it still felt like my hand might brake. Luckily I got an idea before that happened. "VODKA! THERE'S VODKA IN THE SMALL BOX! NOW PLEASE LET ME GOOOO!" My hand was suddenly released.

"Thank you, comrade," Ivan said, the aura dying down. He opened the box and took his stuff, tucking the faucet pipe and two bottles of vodka who knows where in his coat. He immediantly opened up another bottle and started drinking from it.

"You might want to make that last until I figure out a way to get you more. I'm underage and you don't have an ID." I rubbed my hand, trying to rid it of it's throbbing.  
>He stared at me a second before nodding.<br>"Um... do you want to see where you put your stuff. You know, your room?" I looked back at him as I started near the stairs.  
>"Da, defender of men. Show me the way." Ivan followed right behind me.<br>I snorted in annoyance at the nickname. My name was not my fault. I walked up the stairs and into a long hall of doors. "The first one on the right is mine. You can choose any one you want other than that, Ivan."  
>"Spasibo{8]," he said, pointing to the one right next to mine. "I would like that one."<br>Of course he had to choose that one. I opened the door and started to grin at the coincidence. "Hey, Russia?"  
>"Da?" He moved up next to me. He started to stare at the room in delight. It was painted bright yellow, and a dusty framed picture of sunflowers leaned against the closet.<br>"You like the room?"  
>"Da. Spasibo bolshoe[9], Sasha." He turned and hugged me. Oh God, he was crushing my ribs! He let go and walked into the room, smiling at everything.<p>

"I'm going to go back downstairs. It's time for breakf- er, lunch. Come down when you put everything away." I saw him nod, so I turned and walked back down the stairs. I first cleaned up the living room. I made sure to put the manual next to the computer just in case of emergencies. With Ivan you never know.

"You were talking about food earlier, da?" I turned around quickly to see a smiling Ivan.

"Uh, yeah. The kitchen's this way." I once again lead the way, this time into the kitchen. I went on my tip-toes to take two bowls and a box of cereal from the cabinet. I pulled the milk out of the fridge and poured it in after the cereal. I could feel Ivan's eyes burning into my back, making me spill the milk on the counter. A rag quickly fixed that though, and I placed a bowl in front of him.

We ate in slowly, in silence. I kept sneaking peeks at Ivan to see if he liked the cereal at all (I couldn't tell. Damn creepy smile), but that stopped after his eyes met mine. I quickly looked back down to my bowl and slammed my spoon back in. My grip wasn't too good, however, and the thing flipped across the table, hitting Ivan in the forehead. Seriously! This was the kind of luck I had!

He threw the spoon back at me, and I was pretty sure I'd wake up the next morning to find a spoon-shaped bruise on my shoulder. Finally I looked back up at him to find him staring again. He really had to quit that. One day I might snap and laugh like a mad-man. Oh, wait! I had already done that!

"Is the cereal okay?" I asked after gathering all my courage. I really didn't want to die.

Russia stopped his full spoon mid-way to his mouth. "It is... alright. Will you be cooking anything later?"

"Uh, no." I snickered into my hand. "I can't cook anything except for eggs and pancakes."

"So you cook like England?"

"I'm worse," I deadpanned.

What? Was Ivan looking.. scared?

"This is all we're going to eat, da?" He looked normal now, if slightly angrier.

"Well, there are microwave dinners. And takeout. And processed food. There's McDonalds near he.."

Did I hear kolkolkoling? And hold on. Why was he reaching into his jacket? Was that his faucet pipe? It was. And why was he grinning even more than usual and raising his pipe? Wait, was he going to-

"NOOOO, DON'T HIT MEEE!" I almost fell over getting out of my chair trying to hightail it out of there.

**-/Hetalia/-**

That night I changed into my pajamas as usual and did my normal routine. But when I was in pajamas, my hair up and I was all comfy, I padded downstairs to say goodnight to my new 'roommate'. He was watching TV.

"Um, Ivan?" I stopped next to the couch he was sitting at.

"Da?" Ivan turned his smiling face up to me.

I shifted between my two feet, thinking of what to say. "I'm going to bed, okay? Please don't destroy anything or mess with Jasper."

"Da," he said, standing up. "Good night, defender of men." He set his hand on my head and I could almost feel myself stop growing. "I will not do anything."

"Yeah, yeah. I get it." I yawned. "Lemme go so I can get some sleep, okay, St- Ivan?" I almost called him Stalin's bitch, but I figured that might ruin my chances of sleeping safely.

"Da, alright." He let me go and sat back down.

I walked back up stairs and to my bedroom. In a matter of minutes I was asleep, a new arrival to dream world.

**-/Hetalia/-**

I woke up frightened, hearing screaming. I was so scared I was trembling, but where was the screaming coming from? Surely Ivan wasn't screaming. And this house was pretty far away from every other house. So unless someone was standing outside screaming, th-

Oh.

It was me.

I let out another scream into the silence. It must have been some terrible nightmare. I had them often, but not usually this bad. The scream was inturrupted when Ivan opened up my door. "Are you alright, Sasha?" He looked slightly worried.

Well, that just caused another scream, this times with words. "GET AWAY FROM ME!" I couldn't stop, and I put my hands to my ears to try to stop hearing it.

Ivan walked over to my bed swiftly and sat down next to me. He gathered me into his arms. "Shh, Sasha. It will be fine, da?"

"NO IT WILL NOT," I screamed into his coat, my voice cracking at the 'not'. Great, I was sobbing into his coat now. After another scream and a few minutes, I spoke. "Your coat's getting wet and snotty," I muttered, my screams stopping. I shook in Ivan's hold, still freaked out at something mysterious in my dreams.

"It is fine. It will wash out, da?" He rubbed my back, trying to stop my shaking.

"I thought you didn't like me. Why are you doing this?" I shifted my head so my cheek laid against his chest.

"Nyet. I like you, Sasha. You are fun. Even if you can not cook." Ivan paused for a second. "And I do not like you like this. Nightmares are not good, da?"

"... Thanks."

We sat in the darkness, silent, my shaking slowly subsiding. My tears had stopped not long before Ivan pulled me away so he could look at me.

"You are alright now, da?" His voice was soft, and his smile was not his usual creepy one.

I wiped my wet eyes and sniffed. "Better," I croaked. I must've been screaming pretty loudly. My throat was raw.

"I will let you sleep now." Ivan got up and took a step away before I grabbed his coat.

"Don't leave me," I begged in my hoarse voice. "I'm scared... Please don't leave me, Ivan."

The Russian stopped and stared down at me. I must have looked absolutely pitiful, because he sat back down on the side of my bed. He pushed me back onto my bed. "Go to sleep, defender of men. I will watch over you tonight, da?"

I nodded, bringing the blanket back up. I closed my eyes, listening to Ivan's breathing. I fell back asleep, hearing the creak of the bed and feeling his weight spreading out evenly.

**-/Hetalia/-**

The first thing I thought when I woke up was something smelled nice. There was a hint of strong alcohol, but it still smelled nice. When I opened my eyes I first saw tan. My eyes slowly traveled upwards. I saw skin and then a smiling mouth. Finally, I registered purple eyes watching me. I froze. Ivan was holding me tightly, and it looked like he had been awake long enough to actually, well, appear awake.

"Ah. You are finally awake, comrade. How did you sleep?" He grinned down at me.

I had slept fine after Ivan put me back to sleep last night. But was that what I said? No, of course not.

"AHH! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME, IVAAAAN!" I threw myself backwards and managed to break out of his hold, tumbling of the bed and dragging my comforter with me. Damn, that hurt. Both the screaming and falling out of bed. Seemed like my throat was still a bit raw.

A head of messy silver hair, purple eyes, and a large nose appeared over the edge of my bed. Chuckling could be heard. "Sasha, I am not going to eat you. You are now awake, da?"

"Wha-? Y-yeah. I'm awake." I really needed some water. I stood up and Ivan stood up with me. "I'm going to change."

"Da."

"Get out." I pointed to the door. "Please," I added. I shouldn't be mean to him after he actually acted kind.

Russia nodded. "You will be alright now?"

I looked down. "Mm-hm. Thank you, Ivan."

He left, closing my door behind him. I quickly changed out of my pajamas and got ready for the day. I soon got downstairs to find Ivan eating canned fruit. He pointed to a bowl for me as he walked into the living room. I just shrugged and grabbed it, looking at the clock. I had five minutes to eat before my aunt was going to video message me. I practically inhaled my breakfast and rushed to the computer. "Stay quiet and out of view, please, Russia," I begged at the country before sitting at my computer. I turned it on and accepted my aunt's video chat request.

"Sasha!" My aunt was all dressed up, and it looked like she had somewhere to go. "Having a good summer so far?"

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Not just because so far my summer's been crazy, no. Because I really wanted to know what my aunt's decision was. Aimee must've saw my impatience because she sighed.

"Sash..." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'm going to call someone to watch over you."

Well there goes my perfect summer. And what was I supposed to do about the Hetalia units? "But, Auntie-!"

"No buts," she scolded. "Now I've been worried, so you have a few more days to yourself while I find some..." Aimee dropped off midsentence, staring at me in surprise. What? Did I make a weird face or something?

I figured out it wasn't me when I felt a strong grip on my shoulder. Ivan.. I told him to stay away!

"There will be no need for that, da?" Russia smiled at the screen, creepiness greatly toned down. "Sasha here has decided to get a few roommates to help around the house and watch over her."

Hey, wait. That was actually plausible. I nodded frantically. "Yeah. That's what I was trying to tell you."

"I just happened to be the first one who arrived. I am Ivan Braginski, ma'am. If you allow me, I will take _extra_ good care of your neice." He squeezed my shoulder, and I didin't really like that emphasis on extra. "But everyone else will help as well, of course."

My aunt looked like she was thinking about it. "It's nice to meet you Ivan. Are you Russian?"

"Oh, da."

"Wow. You moved in with my niece after moving to America?" She was interrogating him. Greeeaaat.

"Nyet. I have lived in the U.S. for a few years now, but when I moved to this town I did not want to live alone. Sasha had put up a ad online for interviews, and so I met her, da? She has allowed me to move in."

"I'm impressed, Sash." Auntie smiled approvingly at me. "You're really growing up."

"Um, yeah. Thank you. Will you please allow me to live with my roommates without having to have you call someone?" Please let this work. Please let this work! And I really hoped Ivan would let me go soon. My shoulder was going numb.

"Yes." An evil smile spread across my relative's face. Oh, no... "But, I will cut off your cash-flow at the end of the month. Time for you to get a job."

Okay, I could deal with that. I thought she was going to tease me about having a 'cute man' in the house.

"Can I speak to my niece alone now, Mr. Braginski?" For all that is good and decent, WHYYYYY? Here it comes.

"Da. Of course." He let go of my shoulder and walked back to the living room.

"Ivan's cute," my aunt said, smirking at me.

"Really? I didn't notice." I sank down into my chair. My face was red already.

"Of course you did, darling! Now don't be naughty. You are all alone with him after all." She giggled.

"AUNTIE!" I covered my face with my hands. God, she was worse than France!

"He seems nice. Don't tell me you like older men?" She was having the time of her life, I could tell.

I glared at her through my fingers. "No, shut up!"

Aimee just laughed. "Alright, alright. I'll stop for this time. I have to go anyways. Au revoir, Sash." She blew me a kiss and closed down her chat. I just stared at the computer screen, still blushing and angry at her. At least, until I heard the TV.

"When Armstrong first landed on the moon for America..."

"Kolkolkolkolkol..."

That was all I needed to hear. I flew out of the chair, screaming, "DON'T BREAK THE TV, IVAN!"

**-/Hetalia/-**

[1] - Avrel the Teller actually said that. DX And she called Prussia a mini creep-master.

[2] - I don't know if that's how webcam chatting goes. It sounded plausible, so I just went with that.

[3] - I actually do this. A lot. You would too if you had this annoying thing.

[4] - Nyet means no in Russian. I'm not going to put it in Russian characters because I'll be using it a lot and you will actually be able to read it.

[5] - Da means yes in Russian. Same with four.

[6] - Random thing that popped into my head. I've actually used it once or twice. XDD

[7] - Another random thing. But unlike six, I've never yelled this one out in real life before. O.o

[8] - Thank you in Russian. Don't trust me on this. I used Google.

[9] - Thank you very much in Russian. Once again, do not trust meeeee. Google was used.

That ended up longer than I thought it'd be. O.o I almost put it into two parts, but then I was like... Nah, dun wanna. XP

Okay, how was this? Is Russia in character?

*facepalm* And that kind Ivan moment just kept getting on my nerves. I wanted to put in a nice Ivan part, and I wanted to put in Sasha's nightmares. It ended up like it is now. I tried a bunch of different outcomes to him coming to console her, but it all seemed so stiff and annoying. Ivan just kept not wanting to do what I wanted him to, and Sasha would do that on the few he would do. So it ended up like this, the only way I could get the scene to finish. Oh well. I find it rather sweet. ^^

And the whole name thing was actually not planned. I had chosen the name before researching it(because I almost always research the names for my fics to find the origin and meaning), and when I did I was like, "I can use this! :D "

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. I'll try to update as soon as I can. Which will probably be pretty soon, since I keep getting ideas. *laughs*


	2. Vodka and Friends

Oh, lookie! Chapter two. XD Told you I'd get it up soon.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed/favorited/alerted this story. I feel so loved, and I'm glad you like my story. But I like reviews a LOT. :3 Reviews encourage me to update faster.

Oh, and by the way, the reason I CAPITILIZE instead of italicize is because I have a Smartbook. The only writing program I can get on this thing is CKE and it doesn't have those things. Then I'm lucky if I can change it at all once uploaded to FF, because it moves so incredibly slow. I'll occasionally italicise a word if I want a subtle emphasis instead of loudness(i.e. 'extra' from chapter one).

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or the manuals. Once again, check them out at LolliDictator's profile page.

And if you feel inspired to write a manual fic because of me(or at least partly), PM me! I'd love to read it and give my opinion. I've enjoyed quite a few before deciding to do one myself.

**-/Hetalia/-**

"I repeat, what the hell is going on? Sash! Answer me!" My friend Madge stood there in the doorway of my house, her hands on her hips. I slowly registered her. She was a few inches shorter than me, with dark blonde hair past her shoulder blades and blue eyes. She could be Germany's sister. Then I looked around. Oh, right. I was leaning against Ivan, holding an ice pack to my head. Said personification of Russia was chugging down a bottle of vodka, at least twenty more bottles surrounding him. A black-haired girl lay face down on the floor in front of me, Ivan's new ID on her head. It was all coming back to me now.

"Audrey fainted," I said, pointing at the girl.

"Obviously," Madge snorted. I swear I saw her eye twitch.

"Russia's living with me."

"I can see that." Madge looked at the hulking Russian beside me. He was ignoring her. "Now what happened? I got that weird message from you earlier today and came over as soon as I could. Talk, woman."

I laughed softly. "Alright, alright. Lemme explain." I took the ice pack off my head and set it on the floor, beginning my wild tale.

-/Hetalia/-

Ivan had been with me for three days.

'MAAADGEE. IVAN. GONNA DIE. NEED VODKA. HELP.' I typed the incomplete sentences, glancing behind me for the childish man. After I sent it, I realized I still hadn't told her about Ivan. Well, she was going to be mighty confused.

"Defender of men?"

I jumped, surprised by the voice suddenly behind me. I turned around slowly, dreading what I would find. "Y-yessss, Ivan?" He was smiling widely, his scarf covering his chin. Despite it being in the 80's and 90's every day since he came, he refused to take it off. I had at least managed to find a few threadbare shirts that just barely fit him up in the attic, but we really had to go shopping[1].

"Do you know where my last bottle of vodka went? It was in the freezer."

For all in the name of fudgepops[2], I was royally screwed. "W-well... you see, Ivan... I went in there to get some waffles, c-c-cause I thought you might like something different, a-and the vodka bottle was s-slippery and it k-k-kinda fell. And broke." I tensed up, ready to run for it.

Russia's smile widened. "Oh? You broke my last bottle of vodka?"

I nodded, watching him cautiously. His smile kept getting bigger.

"My last bottle? And you broke it? Defender of men..." A purple atmosphere began to surround him. "I need my vodka." He picked me up by the front of my shirt, making me squeak in fear. "Sasha. You will get me more, da?"

"YES! I WILL!" I fumbled at his cold hand (I'd soon found out that without his gloves, his hands were almost constantly cold) holding me up and managed to loosen it. The rest of my escape was pulled off by me wiggling wildly. I dropped to the floor, quickly running upstairs and into my 'safe room', yelling all the way, "I'M CALLING RIGHT NOOOW!" It was the closet where I hid from Ivan. After a few days of living with the sadist, I had quickly placed a few neccesities in it, including a copy of his manual. I grabbed it and flipped to the page with the company number and pulled out my cell phone. I quickly dialed and held the phone up.

"Hello. This is Flying Mint Bunny Co. If you recieved a unit you did not order, press one. If you got an alternate version of a unit in the box, press two. If your unit is trying to kill/rape you(WHAT? THAT WAS SUCH A MAJOR PROBLEM THAT IT WAS LISTED ON THE FIRST LIST?), press three. If you need an item for your unit, press four." Sasha quickly pressed four and a human voice came on.

"Hello. Please state your name and the item of need." It was a woman, and she sounded bored.

"Sasha, I know you are in there." Ivan was trying to open the door, the handle jiggling wildly.

"Are you sure you didn't mean to press three," the woman droned on, hearing all of this.

"No!" Sasha hissed at the lady. "I need an ID for Ivan. I'm Sasha Colins. Help me!"

"Defender of men, why are you hiding from me?" Ivan banged on the door.

"Sasha Colins? Ah, yes. I have you right here. I can get you an ID for Ivan in about a day."

The banging on the door grew more insistent, and suddenly it flew open. The lock had broken when Ivan had shouldered the door open. A smiling Russia stood there, and he looked positively scary. "Sasha, defender of men, why did you hide?"

"I NEED IT NOW!" I hyperventilated into the phone. I could almost hear the woman's annoyance. Well, if me possibly dying without that ID was annoying, sor-RY.

Ivan grabbed my ankle and pulled me so I fell over. He began to drag me across the floor. "We are going to go get vodka now, da?"

"AHHHH! UNICORN PUKE AND RAINBOW LASERS[3], WHYYYY! WE CAN'T GET ANY YET, IVAAAN!" I scrabbled at the floor to try to stop myself, still holding the phone up to my ear.

"Miss Colins, I will send the ID straight away. Goodbye." The woman hung up, the whole 'press this button if' cycle restarting.

"NO!" Then Ivan suddenly picked me up, throwing me over his shoulder like a sack. "WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME, BRAGINSKI?" I pounded his back with my fists and kicked wildly. Nothing fazed him.

"You are so light, small one. And do not hit me. I am taking you to go get vodka." He walked outside and looked around. He soon found my silver station wagon and opened the door, literally throwing me into the passenger seat. He went around to the other side and got into the driver's seat. Apparently he also grabbed my wallet and keys as he left. He set the cloth wallet in one of the cup holders and turned the car on with the keys.

"I already know I'm pretty short," I huffed and buckled myself in, afterwards crossing my arms. "But... I'll admit, I didn't know you could drive[4]."

"Of course I can drive." Ivan pulled out of the driveway. "Now where is your liqour store?"

"I don't know," I muttered, staring out the window.

"Sasha..." The Russian looked at me. His purple atmosphere had returned.

"KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD!" I panicked and leaned over. I jerked the wheel over so we didn't run into the car driving the other way.

"Where is the liqour store, defender of men?" He set his hands on his lap, leaving me to freak out and drive from the my seat. His foot slowly began to press down more on the gas pedal.

I had to swerve to stay on the road. "Please drive, Ivan!"

"Tell me where the liqour store is." He leaned his head on mine as I tried to drive, efficently freaking me out even more. "Sasha... Sash. Defender of men, answer me."

"WE'LL GO TO TOWN AND LOOK AROUND!" I dodged a squirrel and then a sign. Ivan's foot let up on the gas and he took the wheel.

"Spasibo." I sank back in my seat, staring out the windshield with wide eyes. My whole life had started to pass before my eyes. Had I really spent that much time watching anime?

**-/Hetalia/-**

We eventually found an old liqour store that said 'going out of business' on the front door.

"They're not open," I muttered. "It's the middle of the afternoon, idiot." I froze as I felt his eyes burn into the back of my head. I really had to stop insulting the sadistic Russian.

"... Oh? I am an idiot?" He was smiling. I just knew he was smiling.

"N-n-no! Of course not! I-it might be open!" I jumped out of the car and went around to Ivan's side, pulling him out by the arm. "Let's go check!"

It actually was open, and luckily it let in people below twenty one in.

"What do you want?" An old man with a rough voice spoke, turning narrow eyes on us.

"Russian vodka," Ivan said, looking around. I stayed slightly behind him. I didn't say a word.

"We got some of that. You got cash?" The man held out a hand. "And an ID?"

"Da, I have cash. A lot of cash. But nyet, I do not have an ID just yet." Ivan just smiled at the man afterwords.

"Then get out, kiddo. No ID, no vodka." He smirked at the larger man.

Suddenly, the purple aura came around Ivan. I watched the stranger start to get pale. "I am Russian. I need vodka. If you do not give me some, it will make me angry. And an angry Russian knows how kill someone and hide the body so it will never be found, da? Will anyone really miss you?" And Ivan was smiling. SMILING!

The man took a step back. "A-are you threatening me?"

"Am I, comrade?" Ivan looked down at the man. He started to giggle, looking absolutely estatic at the threatening.

I tugged on his shirt. "I-I-Ivan... maybe we should just go. Y-you'll get your ID soon." Russia was really creeping me out, and I didn't want him to go to jail for murder.

"Yeah! Listen to the girl." The man was shaking.

Russia stopped giggling and patted me on the head absently. He continued looking at the liqour store owner. "Nyet. Vodka. Now. Da?"

The man nodded. "Fine! Take the rest! Take it! D-don't worry about the money!"

"Spasibo," Ivan sang, walking happily over to the vodka aisle. Me and the man just stared at each other awkwardly. He coughed and I looked down at the floor, still silent. Ivan soon came back, humming, carrying an armful of vodka...

...and pulling a cart-full behind him.

"Davaj[5], defender of men." He nodded towards the door and I ran forward to open it.

"But..." I could still hear the man as we got outside and loaded up the car with strong Russian vodka. Ivan turned and threw a wad of cash at the man.

"Here. Three hundred is enough, da?"

The man clutched the money to his chest. "A-about..."

I stared with my mouth open at Ivan. "Agrh! Ivan! That was my savings!" He smiled at me and got into the car, and I got in as well. "You just spent half of my savings on vodka!" I shut the door angrily, managing to hit myself in the head with the door. "Dammit," I hissed, rubbing my head.

Russia stared at me. "I can not believe you managed to hit your head getting into the car, comrade."

I laid my sore head against the cold window. "Can we just go back?"

"Da." He started the car back up and drove home.

**-/Hetalia/-**

When we reached the house, I groaned. There, in the driveway, sat a light blue delivery van with a picture of a certain mint-green flying bunny on the side. Did another unit arrive already? I stomped up to the door, not bothering to help Ivan with his new stash.

"You left me with Russia last time! Russia!" I shouted at the poor guy. It was the same one from before. "What could you possibly want now? You gonna leave me with FRANCE?"

"Uh, no, Miss Colins. I-"

"Call me Sasha. You look older than me. Stop calling me 'Miss'." I crossed my arms and glared at the man.

"Right. Sasha, I brought you Ivan's ID. You said it was urgent?" He held out Ivan's new ID towards me.

I stared at the man that could have been my saviour earlier, dumbfounded. After a few minutes, I hit myself in the forehead, snatching the ID from him. "IVAN!" I whirled around to find the Ruski standing right behind me, freaking me out. Again.

Damn Russian.

"Da?" He smiled at the shocked look on my face.

"Your ID arrived," I growled, shoving it into his chest and stormed inside, leaving the door open. I could hear the two men talking outside.

"I can go get better vodka at a different store now!" That was obviously Ivan. I kicked the wall. Stupid alcoholic.

The man snorted. "You're going to need it to live with that girl. I used to go to school with her. She's so annoying. I feel so sorry for you." My fists clenched. I remembered him now. One of the guys who thought he was all that. Just because I didn't want to talk to him, he and his friends decided to mess with me my whole freshmen year. He dyed his hair and got a tan, but it was still him.

There was silence outside. Then a yelp.

"Wha-what are you doin', man? OW!" The douche was in pain. Wait, what? Why was he yelling 'ow'?

I ran outside to find an... amusing scene in front of me. Ivan held his pipe, hitting douche in the shoulder. The taller man then grabbed the delivery guy by his shirt. "You do not know Sasha. Do not insult a girl without knowing her." He dropped him and rained his pipe down on the man over and over again.

"I-Ivan! Stop it!" I went to grab the pipe, but I ended up gettng hit in the side of the head. Right where I hit my head with the car door. It wasn't too hard, but it still hurt plenty. Enough to bring tears of frusturation and pain to my eyes[6].

"Braginski," I wailed, holding my head as my vision swam with tears. "You can't just beat someone like that. And then you hit me!"

"Prasteete[7], Sasha." Ivan leaned down so he could look me right in the eye. He swiped my curls out of my face so he could see me better. "You are okay, da?"

I nodded, then looked at the man Ivan had been beating a few seconds ago. Tom, I remembered. He had a black eye and bruises were starting to appear. "Thanks for the ID, Tom," I said stiffly, wiping the still-flowing tears from my eyes. "Ivan apologizes."

"Ah, nyet. I do not-"

I interrupted him, elbowing him in the gut. He shut his mouth, watching me.

"Yeah, whatever," Tom growled, rubbing his shoulder. "Expect a new delivery man." He looked at Ivan. "Bastard." He paused and looked back over to me. "Bitch."

I had to stand in front of Ivan, bracing my hands on his chest. "It's okay," I muttered at the smiling Russian who was beginning to raise his pipe again. He lowered his pipe and continued to smile creepily at Tom as he ran to the van.

I sighed and walked inside.

"That boy was rather rude, da?" Ivan shut the door behind him as I flopped into the couch.

"Yeah." I covered my eyes with my arm, pressing my hand against my aching head.

"Why did he not like you, defender of men?" I could feel that he sat on the edge of the couch.

"I don't want to talk about it," I mumbled, moving my arm and looking at him. He nodded and walked out to get his vodka. Ivan came back in with an armful, setting it in the living room.

"Sasha?" He held up something. "I found this in the car. Who is this?" I looked closer. It was a picture of a bearded man with a head of curly black hair. He was laughing at something.

"Dad!" I leaped off the couch and grabbed the picture from him. "That's my dad. Please don't touch it!" I ran upstairs, leaving a confused Russia behind.

**-/Hetalia/-**

I came down an hour later to find myself in what you could call... a situation.

A tall, black haired girl stood in the doorway, smiling hugely but blankly at Ivan. Her hair was a boy's cut, and her hazel eyes just kept staring blankly at Ivan.

Ivan was staring back, also smiling. But he looked quite creepy. I noticed he had hauled quite a few bottles of vodka in the living room. His childish smile was the key point on his face, his violet eyes piercing.

"Oh, fuck." The curse escaped my lips and I covered my mouth quickly. The two very different sets of eyes locked onto me, their heads snapping around to face me. Ivan's demeanor stayed the same, but the girl's became accusing.

"Sash.." The girl growled at me. "Is that... Russia?"

"Audrey, I was going to tell you! I just needed to figure out how to explain-"

"SASHAAAA!" Audrey grabbed up a few books from the shelf next to the door and started tossing them at me. I dodged the first two and took off running. She chased me all around the first floor. She tossed the last book, hitting me right where I hit myself in the head and Ivan had bonked me with his pipe. "WHY DOES EVERY OBJECT HURT THAT SPOT?" Audrey went to grab more books until Ivan stepped in front of her, stopping her in her tracks.

"Privyet[8]. Who are you, and why are you tossing books at my podruga[9]?" He looked down at Audrey, smiling.  
>Audrey stared. "You're Russia! You're amazing!" She shrunk back. "But you're creepy..." She leaned towards him again. "But you're so cute, too!" She held her breath, watching the weirded out Russian. Suddenly she crumpled to the floor, fainting. "OH MY GOD, AUDREY!" I rushed forward. She seemed fine. Other than, you know, the fainting.<p>

"What is wrong with her, comrade?" Ivan asked, poking Audrey's side with his booted shoe a few times.

"Over exposure to Russian awesomeness," I said. "Isn't it obvious? The fangirl part of her couldn't take it any more."

"I am awesome? I thought Gilbert was the awesome one, da?" Russia looked happy.

I paused on my way to the kitchen to get ice for my head. "Oh, he is. But you're even more awesome. Well, in my opinion. Audrey's favorite is between America and Prussia." I got my ice and came back out to find Ivan balancing his ID on the back of Audrey's head.

"Ivan, really?" I set the ice against my head and winced, slowly sliding down the wall. I was exhausted. Maybe I should sleep. Ivan made his way next to me and sat down, opening a bottle of vodka. I crinkled my nose at the smell, but my eyes were beginning to drift shut. I was surrounded by a horde of vodka, a passed out friend, and a crazy, alcoholic country. I needed that nap.

**-/Hetalia/-**

"And then I woke up with you here," I finished, looking at Madge.

Ivan had long ago gotten up and begun to put his vodka away, so I was left in the room with my two best friends.

"Damn Russain," Madge said, closing my front door.

"What did you say, comrade?" Ivan smiled at Madge from his spot in the kitchen doorway.

"I said, damn Russian," Madge repeated herself loudly. "What are you, deaf as well as stupid? And I'm not your comrade."

Silence. An icey, bone-chilling silence. Ivan smiled widely at Madge, and she glared back. The tension could nearly be seen. The kitchen behind Ivan began to turn purple.

"Wha...? Madge, why are you glaring at Russia while he's in creepy mode?" Audrey looked at the two, groggy.

"Oh, it is because she is a brat who need to learn how to respect her elders," Ivan sang, still smiling at Madge.

"I'm not going to respect you, you commie!" Madge crossed her arms, still glaring at him.

"Kolkolkolkolkol..."

".. You sounded like America there," I pointed out, trying to stop the fight. "AH! America, my awesome Alfred! Do you have him?" Audrey looked around quickly.

"Uh, no. I do not have the hero yet, Audrey."

Madge threw down her arms and glared at me and Audrey. "You two are not helping!"

We shrugged. "Sorry," we said at the same time.

"Anyways," Madge declared, now ignoring the smiling Ivan. She walked over to me and grabbed my arm and started pulling me to the door. "You're coming with me. I am not leaving you with this idiot. C'mon, Audrey. You can spend the night too."

Suddenly, two arms came around me and hugged me. It was Ivan, keeping Madge from pulling me any further.

"Nyet. My comrade Sasha will not leave." He hed me close, hugging me tightly.

"Get off of her, idiot!" Madge glared at him again.

"Nyet! Sasha is my friend. My podruga." He hugged me tighter, efficently crushing my spine. I voiced my opinion. Er, actually... it was more like...

"MYYY SPIIINE!" I tensed up and tried to get away from Ivan.

"Defender of men," he whined. "You're not going to leave me, are you?"

"Let her go!" Madge started to pull at Ivan's arms. Audrey just stared at the situation, eyes sparkling.

"Let me goooo, Ivan!" I struggled, my arms trapped by his.

"Nyet, comrade. You are going to leave me if I do." The Russian almost sounded sad.

"I'm not going to leave, Braginski! Please let me go!" As soon as I said this, he let me go. I streched, glaring at Madge. "Look what you did."

"I didn't do anything," she defended, "the giant commie over there was the one who was squishing you!"

"Kolkolkolkolkol.." Ivan's teeth clacked together as he did his 'kol' thing.

"Leave Ivan alone, Madge!" I said, defending my new 'friend'.

"Fine. But I'm spending the night here."

"So am I," Audrey shouted happily. "You live with Ivan! You really live with Ivan!"

"NO!" I started pushing them both towards the door. "You will leave this house and not return for quite some time. You will CALL before you come over next time. You will both leave Ivan ALONE." I shoved them out the door. They turned to me with shocked looks on their faces. Madge looked like she was about to speak, but I slammed the door shut in their faces, quickly locking and deadbolting the door.

"Your friends are lively, da?" Ivan smiled at me. I hit my head against the door.

"My head hurts."

"Well, that's what happens when you hit your head against doors, da?"

I turned to him and narrowed my eyes. "I'm going to bed." I was going to take a large amount of sleeping medicine and going to take a nap.

The fact that another unit would be coming in a few days just caused me to up my drug intake.

**-/Hetalia/-**

[1] - Yep, it's going to happen eventually. Every good manual fic has one. *laughs* I'm just going to wait for a few more units to join in.

[2] - Oh yay, more randomness.

[3] - EVEN MAOR RANDOMNESSNESS. I don't know where this one came from. *eye twitch* But if you guys have any ideas for random things for Sasha to shout, put 'em in your reviews. I might use the best ones. =D

[4] - I don't know if he can. But why not? He's one of the older nations. The question is, does he drive well? xD

[5] - Come on in Russian. Seriously, don't trust me on these. Google is used.

[6] - This is totally possible. I was practicing my color gaurd moves one day and I hit myself in my head, and it made me start to cry. Not really from the pain, that was only a small part. It, like, knocked the tears out of my eyes. O.o Plus I WAS frusturasted, so it kinda just kept going.

[7] - I am sorry in Russian. This I got from Yahoo answers. Still, don't trust me completely. ^.^

[8] - Informal way of saying hello in Russian. Once more, GOOGLE.

[9] - Hey, two in one sentence! From now on, assume I just google it. And don't trust me on these things. Means friend(as in, a friend who is a girl. I believe a boy who is a friend is.. drug?) in Russian.

This... didn't turn out as good as the first chapter. At least I don't think so.

Review, please. It'll make me update faster. =3 'Cause if you have time to read this story, you have time to review~.

I think Ivan likes squishing Sasha. xD

And hey look, protective(kinda?) Russia~. I'm loving revealing different parts of his personality~. I also got to work with possesive Russia.

Next chapter there'll be another unit. Can you guess who it is?


	3. American Antics

Chapter three. As you can tell from the chapter title, those of you who guessed America are right! Everyone's favorite hero is the next unit to arrive. What'll happen? Well, antics, if the chapter title's anything to go by!

Disclaimer: Blah blah blah, I own NOTHING(Cept for the characters I made)! Check out the manuals by LolliDictator, as they are HILARIOUS.

I feel like I've been spoiling you guys with my super-fast updates. I'll try to keep it up, but school is back in soon. I'll have less time to write new chapters once it starts, but I really will update as fast as I can.

**-/Hetalia/-**

"Should I be worried...?" I voiced my thoughts aloud as I walked into Ivan's room. He had been gone all day yesterday (I really hope he hadn't been looking around for a Prussia or China unit), but he was here now. I came in to get his dirty clothes. But... I wasn't expecting this.

Sunflowers. Everywhere. The room was filled to the brim with them. I could barely see the large Russian setting a bouqet of them into a vase.

"Dohbruhee ootruh[1], Sasha!" Ivan was smiling happily. "I picked some podsolnecnik[2]!"

"I... can see that, Ivan." I couldn't understand Russian, but I could guess what he picked by the sight of his room. My eyes were hurting. Way too much yellow. "Where did you get all these things?" Please tell me he did NOT rob a flower shop or something.

"Behind your house, da? There were so many beautiful sunflowers, I spent all day yesterday picking them!" He went back to arranging the ones in the vase.

I had forgotten about that. Had he picked the whole meadow? I looked at all the flowers again.

"Sasha?" I looked back up at Ivan, who held the vase towards me. "Comrade?"

"Uhh.. yeah, Ivan?" I raised my eyebrow. I was confused at his actions.

"This is for you." He psuhed the vase closer to me. "Since you are my podruga, I will give you some. Do you like them?"

My face lit up and I took the vase carefully. "Oh, of course! I love sunflowers, Ivan! Thank you so much." I smiled at him. He really could be childish. He could even be sweet. "I'll put them in the living room so everyone can see them."

Ivan's smile widened. "Good." He paused and watched me grinning like an idiot at the flowers. "You have dimples, defender of men." He poked my cheek, right where one of my dimples were.

"Ah, geez, Ivan. Don't do that." I pushed the vase of sunflowers between my cheek and his finger and proceeded to go downstairs to the living room. Ivan stayed in his room, messing around with all his sunflowers. As I set the flowers down on a table, I heard a knock. I froze. The way I looked at it, it could be four things.

1. It could be a Flying Mint Bunny delivery person bringing me a new unit.

2. It could be Madge coming to kidnap me or to yell at Ivan.

3. It could be Audrey coming to bother me about whether I got any new units and fawn all over Russia.

4. Or it could be some stranger who was going to rob me of everything.

I hoped it was four.

...What?

(Psssht, I had Ivan. He'd beat the person to the ground, especially if he came near his sunflowers or vodka.)

I was not that lucky. When I opened the door it revealed a man, not much taller than me, with sandy brown hair and blue eyes. He wore the Flying Mint Bunny delivery uniform and he had a pierced ear. Behind him there was a large crate with a smaller box on the top.

He grinned lazily at me. "Yo. I'm Asher. You must be Sasha. I've got-"

"NO!" I screamed and slammed the door shut. I only had one unit right now, and that was plenty.

Asher knocked again. "Hey, don't slam the door on me."

I opened the door slowly. "S-sorry..."

"Anyways, I've got your new unit. Sign here." He held out an electric signer. I signed reluctantly and he brought in the packages.

"Well I'm off. Have fun with your new unit." He lughed and left, leaving me with the object of my hatred.

I went over to the box and opened the envelope with the manual. Well Audrey'd be happy. Madge and Ivan? Not so much.

'ALFRED F. JONES: User Guide and Manual'

I skimmed through the information (He'd respond to oi, fucktard? I'd have to try that...) until I reached the all important methods of opening.

'Removal of your ALFRED F. JONES from Packaging:

Your ALFRED F. JONES unit is a happy, energetic unit - for the most part - and there are rarely any problems with waking him up. It is impossible to accidentally knock him into a dangerous mode when removing him from his package; the most you need to worry about is him being too happy and energetic. In order to avoid that, we have provided you with a few ways that you can wake him carefully and get right to work on any reprogramming you might want to do!

1. Play the American national anthem, or any patriotic American song. Loudly. Your unit will respond immediately, singing horribly out-of-tune until the song is over; you can reprogram him during this time, and the faster you do this the faster he'll stop singing.

2. Put on a kid's superhero show or movie (preferably Superman or Batman) loud enough to be heard down the street. Your unit will whine for you to let him out of the box, and will run to the television as soon as you do. While he watches, you can reprogram him; however, be warned that if your chosen superhero is prone to striking heroic poses, your unit might jump up and do them as well.

3. Speak with a British accent or in Russian. ALFRED F. JONES will reply positively to the first one, and a little coldly to the second, but he will get up anyway.

4. Turn on his Tony unit. He'll insult you, ALFRED F. JONES will wake up shaking with laughter, and you'll be able to reprogram him then.'

I could do one and two, easily. Three would be harder. I was terrible with a British accent, but my Russian was... almost passable. Four was out because I didn't really wanted to be insulted.

"I'll do one," I decided out loud. I went to go grab my laptop from my room. It was pretty old so I didn't use it much, but I could use it to go on YouTube. I was currently saving up for a new one(Two days ago was when Ivan spent half of my savings for it, the damn alcoholic). I ran upstairs and to my room. I could hear a humming Ivan. He must still be arranging all those flowers.

I ran back downstairs and pulled up YouTube. I soon found a video with The Star-Spangled Banner and played it.

Immediantly terrible, loud singing came from the box. I turned off the song, but he kept singing.

"OOOOH, SAY CAN YOU SEEEEEE!"

"Alfred, shut up-"

"BYYYY THE DAWN'S EARLY LIIIIIGHT!"

"ALFRED, SHUT UP-"

"WHAT SO PROOOOOUUDLY WE HAAAILED, AT THE TWILIGHT'S LAST GLEAMING!"

I threw open the top and yelled, "ALFRED F. JONES, STOP MANGLING YOUR NATION'S ANTHEM BEYOND RECOGNICION!"

He looked at me for a second. "TOTALLY NOT COOL, DUDE! YOU MESSED UP MY SOLO!" He scrambled out of the box. "And my solo is important, 'cuz I'm the HERO!" He did his patented hero pose.

I put my hands on my hips. "That doesn't even make sense, Alfred," I huffed, rolling my eyes like the teenage girl I was.

"The hero doesn't have to make sense!" He looked around. "Oh, look! A Wii!"

I stood there for a few minutes before Alfred stopped looking through my games to turn to me. "Hey," he said, a frown on his face. "What's your name?"

"I'm Sasha. But I guess you can Sash." I shrugged.

Alfred suddenly grinned. "Dude, you're one of my citizens!"

"Nooo, really, dumbass?" I loved Alfred, I really did. But I was annoyed at getting these units coming here. And I only had two!

He came over and patted me on the back 'lightly'. He almost knocked me over. "Hey, can we go get McDonald's?"

I hadn't had McDonald's in a long time, and I liked having it a few times a year. "Alright. Sure, Al. Let me grab my keys and-"

"Kolkolkolkolkol..."

Aw, shit. Ivan came downstairs just in time for the McDonald's conversation. I swear I have the worst luck ever.

"COMMIE!" Al pointed at Ivan, yelling right in my ear. Thanks.

"Ah, Amerika. Privyet. Why are you messing with my comrade?" Ivan grinned at Alfred.

Alfred looked horrified. He grabbed me. "STAY AWAY FROM MY CITIZEN, YOU COMMIE!"

"I can't breathe very well," I said into Alfred's chest, where he was pressing my face. I was ignored.

"Nyet. Sasha will become one with Mother Russia one day, da?"

America pulled me away so he could look me in the face. He held me by the shoulders, and I was afraid my arms were going to pop out. "Sash! Tell me it's not true!" His face was even more horrified then before.

... Well, I could say no, and make Al happy but Ivan sad/angry/kill-y(What? It can be an emotion when it comes to Ivan!). Or I could say yes and freak out Al and make Ivan INSANELY(Literally. Even more so than usual) happy. However, depending on how I am 'one with him', I might become his servent.

So I took the third route.

"Well... isn't everyone going to be one with Mother Russia eventually?" A gasp came from Alfred, and I heard a giggle from behind me.

"Of course not!" Alfred let me go and stared at me in shock. "How can you believe that?"

"Because it is true, da?" Ivan was still giggling. He came up and hugged me. "Spasibo, Sasha. You did good, telling the durak[3] off like that." Well, at least he wasn't breaking my bones this ti-

Oh, there it is.

"YOU HUG SO HAAAARD!" I tried to pull away from Ivan's iron-clad grip.

"Sash! Don't worry! The hero will save you!" Alfred did his hero pose again, and I thought, oh good. He's finally doing something useful.

That is, until he ran off up the stairs, singing, "DADADADADADADADADADADADADA, AMERICAAAA!" Yep, a parody of the Batman song.

"THAT'S NOT SAVING ME, YOU IDIOOOOT!" Ivan hugged me tighter, lifting my feet from the ground. "So you are becoming one with me, da?"

"Uhhhh..."

Just then Alfred jumped off the top of the stairs, landing with a thud at the bottom. He now had a cape that looked suspiciously like my sheet I was about to wash.

My hero.

"The hero has returned," he shouted. He then proceeded to strip(WHAT THE FUCK?), revealing a pair of superman boxers. He stood with his fists on his waist and looked up. All he needed now was a wind to blow his cape.

Ivan let go of me, staring at Al in surprise.

"MY EYES," I cried. "I COULD HAVE GONE MY WHOLE LIFE WITHOUT THAT, ALFRED!"

**-/Hetalia/-**

"You don't have any good movies or games," Alfred whined, looking at my shelves full of PS2 games, Wii games, and movies.

It was the same day, and it had just gotten dark a few hours ago. Thankfully Alfred was dressed again, and everyone (yes, even me) had calmed down. Everyone agreed to watch a movie together, and Alfred had been given the privilege to pick it out. Because he's the hero. (According to him. But it was because I was sick of him complaining that I wasn't choosing any cool movies.)

"Well I don't like horror movies and most action movies. Can't we watch Rush Hour? It's funny AND full of action." I sat in the middle of the couch, the berrier between Al and Ivan. Why did I agree to this again? Oh, yeah. An annoying Al and a Ivan who stood behind him grinning at me.

"But I want to watch horror," Alfred protested, now looking through the channels on my TV for a movie.

"W-what about you, Ivan?" I turned toward the silent country, hoping he'd save me from having to watch something under the horror category.

No. Such. Luck.

"Horror sounds good, da?" He smiled creepily at me, and it felt like he was STARING INTO MY SOOOUL.

Paranoid much? Yes. Yes I am.

"Stop saying da, dude," Alfred said, looking over his shoulder at Ivan.

"Stop saying dude, da?" Ivan grinned at his fellow unit.

"Shut up, you commie-"

"RUSSIA IS NO LONGER COMMUNIST," I screeched, throwing my head into my hands. They both stared at me, and

I peeked back at them through my hands. "Uhh... hey, look! The Ring!" I pointed at the TV, where The Ring was about to start in fifteen minutes.

"Oh, hey! Cool!" Al threw himself onto the couch next to me, making his bowl of popcorn scatter crazily.

"Al! Don't make a mess." I flicked a piece at his forehead, resulting in a popcorn war.

It was not pretty. It took me days to get the butter smell off. DAYS. It ended with a large pile in Al's lap, a few pieces in his hair, and the bowl upturned on my head. Yeah, Russia got caught in the cross-fire when he leaned over to get his vodka...

Like I said, NOT PRETTY.

I left to get the popcorn, salt, and butter out of my hair and came back just in time.

"The movie is about to start, defender of men," Ivan informed me, looking up at me.

I sat between the two again, crossing my arms stubbornly. "Great. Just what I wanted to spend my night doing, freaking out."

"I KNOW, RIGHT?" Alfred's grin was full of stupidity and happiness.

Annoying, adorable America.

The movie started, and after a while I was shaking. "I'm not watching this," I said, wide eyed. I closed my eyes and brought a pillow over my eyes.

"DUDE! You have to watch!" Al himself was looking scared to death, but he pryed the pillow away from my face. I turned my head, but Ivan grabbed it and turnedit back to the TV.

"Da, Sasha. It is a good movie. Watch." Was he enjoying my pain? Bet he was.

"I CAN STILL CLOSE MY EYES!" I shut my eyes tightly, listening to the screams from the movie.

"Noooooo," Al said, opening my eyes.

"I need to blink, you know," I growled, trying not to watch the movie. "I feel like I'm in some sort of torture device."

Giggles errupted from Russia, but Al was absorbed in the movie again.

"IVAN DON'T DOO THIIIS!" I flinched as I watched the movie. Scary... gonna have nightmares...

"Nyet. Enjoy the movie, Sasha," he said in a sing-song voice.

**-/Hetalia/-**

I twitched as I walked upstairs. "Seven days... video tape... the well.." At each word my eye twitched. I dragged myself into my room and got ready for bed. I made sure my baseball bat was next to my bed (Totally only 'cause there had been a series of... um... murders lately. Yeah, I didn't want someone to kill me. Definitely wasn't because the movie freaked me out or anything) and tried to sleep.

I couldn't.

Eventually I heard a creaking noise, and my door opened. I let my hand drop and my fingers wrapped around the bat. I brought it up carefully. There was a dark figure standing in my doorway. Under one arm it held something shapeless - a sack? - and in it's other hand there was something weird. I couldn't even guess what that was. I jumped out of my bed with a battle cry and swung at the figure, catching him in the side.

"AH! GEEZ, DUDE! DON'T HIT THE HERO!" The person grabbed the bat and threw it into the hall.

"... Alfred? What are you doing here?" I turned on the light, revealing Al in his boxers (and yes, they were still Superman) and an undershirt, carrying a pillow and a teddy bear.

"Uh.. th-the hero thought you'd be afraid after the movie. So I, uh, came to check on you." Al shifted uncomfortably, and I realized he had been too scared to sleep as well.

"Thanks, Al. You're right; I can't sleep," I admitted to the blonde. He brightened up.

"Hey, how about I stay in here and sleep with you? To-to keep you safe, of course!" He gave me puppy eyes.

Damn Al puppy eyes. They were one of his best weapons.

"A-alright, Al. Fine." I went back to my bed. "Shut off the light."

"Okie-dokie!" He snapped the light switch off and leaped into bed, landing on my gut.

"Oof! G'roff," I wheezed, pushing the heavy guy off of me.

"Oops. Sorry, Sash!" Al cuddled under the blankets and set his glasses on my nightstand. "G'night, dude!"

I soon heard snoring. It was loud. Incredibly loud. It sounded like he was chainsaw-ing an iron door.

"Good night." Jesus Christ Superstar, this was worse than earlier. I was not going to get any sleep at all.

** -/Hetalia/-**

The next morning I woke up, hearing the patter of rain on the roof. I was also cold and suffocating.

Al had stolen all the covers except for a small patch. Pressed into my face. Cutting of my air supply. I tore it off and gasped for air, sitting up. I glared at the 'free country' and shoved a pillow into his snoring face. That should wake him up soon enough.

I grabbed clothes and changed in the bathroom before heading downstairs. I shivered, looking out my sliding glass doors leading out the back into the rain. It was actually cold today, and the rain was coming down hard.

Ivan wasn't up yet, so I decided to go into the kitchen and make breakfast. I took the frozen chocolate chip waffles from the freezer, making sure to avoid Russia's vodka this time. He had plenty, so him dragging me out to get more wasn't the problem. What WAS the problem, however, was cleaning up the stuff. It smelled disgustingly strong, and it was gross. Besides, he'd probably still freak out.

I made the deeeelicious waffles and sat at the table, pouring syrup all over them.

"Dohbruhee ootruh," Ivan said, walking into the kitchen. He pointed to my waffles. "Are those for me?" He turned on his creepy smile, staring straight at me.

"... Yes," I sighed, pushing them over to him. He sat down and started eating happily. I got up and put some more in the toaster before I heard a knock on the door.

Oh joy, visitors. I went into the living room and to the door, opening it. Madge, decked out in a yellow raincoat and holding a blue umbrella barged in, shaking off her wet umbrella and closing it. She took off her coat and threw it on my couch. My DRY couch.

"Hey!"

"It's raining cats and dogs out there, Sasha. Did you want me to stand out there and get a cold? Because then I'd have to come over and stay with you, since I can't take care of myself when I'm sick." She looked at me, daring me to argue with her.

She lived in a sizable apartment on her own, a gift from her parents. So when she was sick, she always insisted on coming over and spending the night until she recovered.

Damn her and her logic.

"By the way, GerIta." She flashed a grin at me. This argument had been going on for months now.

"SPAMANO, DAMN IT!" I narrowed my eyes at her before I noticed someone else walk in.

"Geez, it started pouring so suddenly. I'm soaked. At least I brought an umbrella." It was Audrey, decked out in her usual black ensemble. She didn't have a coat, since she almost NEVER got cold. But the thing that impressed me most was her umbrella. It had the Hetalia cast all over it.

"You finished it!" I grabbed the umbrella and ushered her inside, closing the door. "So cool!" It had all the Allies and Axis Powers.

"Yeah." She smiled. "Took me longer than I thought. But I finished it just in time, eh?" I laughed and nodded.

"DUDE, LOOK WHAT I FOUND!" America ran down the stairs, holding up my video camera. He grinned at us. "Hey, more of my citizens!"

"You got America?" Madge facepalmed. "Well, I'm Madge, and that's our friend Audrey."

Audrey stared at me. "Sasha?"

"Yeah?"

"You got America?"

"Uh-huh. He's standing right in front of us."

She the started to strangle me. "SASH! WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME WHEN THESE THINGS HAPPEN?" She shook me.

"AH! LEMME GO, AUDREY! I JUST GOT HIM YESTERDAY! I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO CALL YOU BECAUSE OF THIS IDIOT BEING WEIRD AND TORTURING ME!" At the word 'torturing', giggling came from the kitchen. "IVAN, EAT YOUR WAFFLES!"

Alfred had been laughing like a maniac, but at the word 'waffles' he quit. "Oh, yum! I was starving!" He ran into the kitchen to steal my waffles.

"MY WAFFLES," I cried, throwing off Audrey and running after him. I got there in time to see him chewing on the waffles, syrup going everywhere. "NO!"

"Relax, Sash," Madge said. "There's four left." She grabbed two and put them in the toaster. Was she making them for me? How nice. They popped up and she put them on a plate. I moved forward to take them, but she dodged my hands and went to the table. "These are for me. Get your own."

My mouth fell to the floor. Behind me I heard Audrey speak. "Oh, goodie! There's two left for me."

I fell to my knees, being dramatic. "NOOOOOO! MY WAFFLES! WHHYYYYYY? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?"

Every one except Al stared at me, weirded out. He just started talking with his mouth full. "Anyways, I found Sash's camera!" He held up my small red camera in triumph. Was that syrup and a piece of waffle falling out of his mouth? Ew. And don't get me started on him taking my camera without permission.

"Cameras are awesome! I'm going to take some good videos with this!" Alfred shoved more waffles in his mouth.

I stared at everyone with puppy eyes. They had taken all my choco chip waffles. They all avoided my eyes, feeling guilty. Good. They deserved it. "You guys... stole all my choco chip waffles... I'm hungry too, you know."

Ivan smiled at me. "Didn't you say you had extra waffles in the freezer in the shed?" He ate another piece, chewing slowly.

"YES!" I looked outside. "But it's really raining hard... I think I'll just get an umbrella."

"C'mon, Sash!" Alfred looked at me. "Just run out there and back in. It won't take long at all."

I bit my lip. I didn't really want to get all wet. But it wouldn't take long ago, and I was starving. I decided when my belly growled. "Alright. I'm going to hurry." I opened the sliding glass doors and went to the shed. Indeed, in the freezer was a extra box of chocolate chip waffles (IVAN I LOVE YOU) surrounded by vodka. So... much.. vodka.

I tucked the box under my arm and ran back. Wait... Why was everyone gathered in front of the glass doors? And why the hell was Al video taping me? I tried to open the door but it wouldn't budge. "GUYS! LET ME IN!" I pulled the handle again. Locked.

Alfred was laughing loudly, Ivan was giggling (I TAKE BACK MY LOVE FOR YOU, IVAN), and Madge and Audrey were falling over each other snickering.

I was getting soaked. Water dripped off my hair and down me. There was a puddle forming at my feet. "Guys, seriously! I'm all wet!"

"Admit GerIta's better than Spamano." Of course Madge would take this oppurtunity to try to get me to give in.

"No! Spamano for the win!" I held my ground.

"Admit that I'm better at finding anime than you!" Great, now Audrey was taunting me.

"No chance, Aud. I showed you Hetalia, remember? Don't diss the anime finding skills." Audrey puffed out her cheeks angrily and crossed her arms.

"Become one with Mother Russia, da?" Ivan smiled at me through the glass, his giggles stopping suddenly.

"No!" Al looked like he had an idea. He whispered into everyone's ears (Yes, even Ivan, you RussiaxAmerica fangirls) his 'genius plan'.

I hate America's genius plans.

Everyone snickered and nodded, and Alfred turned back to me. "Dance[5]."

"WHAT? NO WAY!" I shivered, wrapping my arms around myself. I'd just use the front door.

"Guess you'll be staying out there than," Audrey said, grinning mischeviously.

"Because we locked all the other entrances," Madge finished, looking smug.

"Dance, defender of men," Ivan said, eyes sparkling. "I want to see you dance."

"Yeah, yeah!" America fist-pumped, still holding the camera at me. "Do it! We'll let you in if you do! Like, do the Running Man!"

"The Sprinkler!"

"The Cabbage-Patch!"

"The Kazachok[6]," Ivan added.

We all stared at him.

"Um... no," Madge said.

"But I wanna see her do the.. the Kassychook!" Audrey said, stomping her foot.

"I don't even know how," I protested.

"Fine," she said. "But do the rest or you stay out there."

I groaned and fisted my hands, bringing them up to chest level. I circled them around and around(Cabbage Patch), and Ivan, Audrey, and Madge started to clap. I quickly moved to the Sprinkler, puttting one hand behind my head and using the other as the 'sprinkler'. Finally I moved to my personal favorite- er, most dreaded nightmare, the Running Man. I pumped my fists in and out and slid my feet back and forth.

The others couldn't breathe they were laughing so hard. Al almost dropped my camera half way through. A chuckling Ivan opened the door and I rushed inside, still holding my waffles. "I'm soaked! You guys are imbeciles!" I smacked Al, Audrey, and Madge in the back of the head. I was NOT about to mess with Ivan though. I stomped away, heading upstairs to change.

I could hear Alfred in the background. "Dude, she totally was soaked. Good thing France wasn't here.."

"SHUT UP, ALFRED!" I threw the waffles at him, efficently hitting him in the head.

My friends are evil.

**-/Hetalia/-**

[1] - Good morning.

[2] - Sunflowers. However, I'm PRETTY sure that I used the singular form. I couldn't find the plural form, and I don't like using Cyrillic characters just because I can't pronounce them.

[3] - Fool.

[4] - I've never seen The Ring. I don't watch scary movies. So if I get anything wrong from the vague things I put... deal. xD

[5] - This is from America's Funniest Home Video's. Ironic, no? *laughs* It won first place. This women kept making her husband dance before he could come in. It was hilarious and I thought I could use it for my fic.

[6] - Russian/Ukrainian dance with the whole squat and leg kick thing.

Geez my version of Russia is clingy. O.o

AND NO NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO END UP SLEEPING WITH SASHA. DX I MEAN, MOST LIKELY. OBVIOUSLY ITALY MIGHT. IT JUST HAPPENED. LEAVE ME ALOOONE! DON'T JUDGE MEE! *cowers in corner*

XD I again had fun writing this. Hope you had fun reading it. Review, if you would be so kind.


	4. Sasha's Revenge

I can't believe I'm already on the fourth chapter... On a completely unrelated note, my enter button is sticking. DX

Alright, everyone! I have a challenge for you. Do you want a prizefic? I'll write one for you if you can answer my question in a review. The question is this. If you got stuck on a deserted island, what would you bring with you? Which Hetalia character would you want with you? Tell me why. I'll choose my favorite answer.

I'll share with you MY answer on the next chapter. XD

RULES FOR THE PRIZEFIC:

1. Keep the main characters within the main Allies/Axis Powers characters. I don't really know anyone else well enough, sorry. However, I will add to that list Prussia, Switzerland, Lichenstein (her name's spelt wrong most likely), Romano, Spain (SPA-FREAKING-MANO. You agree, no? :3), and Canada.

2. No M-rated fics. Seriously, you do NOT want to see me try to write that. O.o

3. No FrUK. I know a LOT of people like that pairing, but I really don't. France is just... ugh. I prefer USUK, really. I can't really think of any other pairings I won't do... Oh, thought of one. ChinaxRussia(Isn't it ChuRus?). I don't know why I don't like them, I just really don't...

4. Oneshots only. If I REALLY like the idea and I think I can get more out of it, I'll write a chapter fic.

5. GO CRAZY. Like, seriously. I love weird fics. Trying to convince my friend Avrel the Teller to actually put up her story about Italy growing a mustache. You guys all would read it, right?

6. Okay, here's how I like my suggestions. You want a pairing or a few, put it in there. You got a plot in mind, put it in there as well. But give me some things to work with, like randoms items. Bubbles. A desk. A broken TV. A dinosaur. Whatever you think of, and I'll try to find SOME way to put it in there. xD Please limit it to, like, seven items.

So have your requests ready in case you win!

Disclaimer: I own zip, zilch, zero. Nada. LolliDictator owns the manuals I use. Read. Them. You will not regret it.

**-/Hetalia/-**

"Dude! Give. Me. The remote!" Alfred and Ivan were on the couch, playing Tug-o'-War with the remote. "I want to watch Deep Fried Paradise!"

"Nyet," Ivan growled, pulling the remote towards himself. "I am going to watch Pawn Stars[1]. Why would I watch people eat those disgusting things that pass as food in this country?"

I groaned from my position on the floor. "Guys, please-"

"Mine!"

"Nyet."

"Guys-" I tried again.

"Commie!"

"Ublyudok[2]."

"Urgh!" I threw my hands up into the air in exasperation and stormed off into the kitchen. I could stil hear them arguing in the living room. Suddenly there was a crash and an 'oops' from Alfred. I ran out to find the long table behind the couch knocked over. My lamp was smashed, as was the vase of sunflowers.

"Sorry, Sash," Al said. "I got the remote away from the commie but I kinda flipped over the couch when he let go suddenly." He shrugged and turned on his show.

Ivan was staring at the knocked over flowers. He squatted down and picked one up slowly.

"ALFRED! You destroyed my flowers! Damn it!" I bent over and picked another one of the flowers, handing it to the frozen Russian. I started to pick up the broken piece of the vase but cut myself. "Ouch!" I winced and looked at my finger, blood pooling slowly.

"You are okay, da?" Ivan said, grabbing my wrist and twisting it to see the small cut. He giggled slightly and I pulled my hand away.

"I'm fine," I said, scowling. I finished cleaning up and shoved all the flowers in Ivan's arms. "Better do sometthing with those, Ivan. They might die soon."

Ivan's eyes widened slightly and looked down at the flowers. He gave a small nod. He looked sad, I thought. Well, fine. He can be sad. He cared more about the flowers than me. I went upstairs and heard yells below and more crashing. Ivan was probably getting revenge for the flowers from Al. Good for him.

I didn't want anymore of these things. I flipped through Al's extra copy manual and saw the number. Hey, maybe I could cancel these things? Why did it never occur to me? I grabbed my cell from my pocket and dialed the number.

"Hello. This is Flying Mint Bunny Co. If you recieved a unit you did not order, press one. If you got an alternate version of a unit in the box, press two. If your unit is trying to kill/rape you(STILL FREAKY), press three. If you need an item for your unit, press four. If you would like to discuss the units with someone and your problem is not listed, press five." I quickly pressed five and heard a man answer.

"This is the unlisted desk, how may we help you?" He had some sort of Southern drawl and I could barely understand him.

"Um, I would like to talk about canceling my order?" I fiddled with a loose thread on my cardigan.

"Can I have your name please?"

"Sasha Colins."

"Gimme a second.." I heard typing and he soon came back. "Miss, I am so sorry, but we can't cancel your order. You won them as a prize. I can offer you the 'share with friends' plan if you would like to cut back on how many you get. Every so often one will be sent to a friend of your choice. It will greatly cut back-"

I could give some of these annoying things to someone? A evil grin slowly spread across my face, and my eyes narrowed. "Haha... HAHAHA...MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NYWEHEHEHEHEH! REVEEENGE!" I gripped the phone tightly and continued laughing into it. I fell back onto my bed and kicked my legs into the air, rolling on my back side to side.

"Uh.. Miss?" The man sounded almost scared. "A-are you... alright?"

I immediantly sobered up. "Ah, yes, sorry. About that friend plan..."

**-/Hetalia/-**

That was taken care of. It turned out I could only set up one friend, so one of them was safe... For now. "Nyweheh..." I held back more evil laughter. It was Al's turn. I called the home phone, for once glad I had not bothered to get a home phone with caller ID.

"Yeah, hey?" Alfred had answered. Excellent...

I breathed into the phone. "Seeveen days," I croaked into the phone.

"E-e-excuse me?" Alfred squeaked. I could hear his teeth chattering. I had to stifle laughter as I imagined him shaking and Ivan watching him. I swore I almost heard chuckling in the background.

"Seven days," I croaked again before swiftly hanging up.

Silence. And then...

"SAAAAASH!" The supposed 'hero' started tearing up the stairs and barged into my room. His eyes were overflowing with tears. "S-S-S-Sasha! I'm scared! I-I just got a call..."

"You got a call?" I asked, sounding surprised. I really should take up acting, I sniggered to myself.

"Y-yeah! A-and it was th-that girl f-from t-the..." He gulped. "Th-The R-R-R-Ring!"

"Oh no. Poor Al." I patted him on the back and walked downstairs, leaving him behind.

"DON'T LEAVE MEEE!"

This actually might be pretty annoying for me too...

"Al, go hide under your bed. Maybe she won't find you there?" I looked back at the trembling man.

"GOOD IDEA!" He ran off to go back upstairs.

I walked outside and into the shed. I took out the majority of the vodka bottles (how Ivan had managed to already drink most of the 300 bucks worth of vodka is beyond me) and opened them, emptying the clear liquid onto the ground. I refilled the empty bottles up with hose water and carried them inside. "I brought you in some more vodka, Ivan." I smiled sweetly at him.

Ivan smiled back. "Da, spasibo, defender of men." He took a bottle from me and took a gulp. His eyes widened and he looked at it before taking another drink.

"Something the matter?" I looked at him concerningly.

"Ah... nyet.." Russia said, sitting down with his bottle, occasionally taking a hesitant sip.

"Welp, I'm going out. I'll be back soon, please don't kill or destory anything, Braginski." I grabbed my keys.

He nodded without looking at me.

I really should be an actress.

**-/Hetalia/-**

"Hey, Audrey. What's up?" I walked into my friend's house, not bothering to knock.

Audrey skidded to a stop in front of me. "You bring the guys?" She looked around franticaly for the objects of her desire.

"No. Why the hell would I bring them over here?" I brushed past her and went to her room.

"Whaddya doin'?" Audrey looked confused as I looked through her bookshelf.

"Revenge," I cackled, throwing a handful of her manga books at her. She shrieked and ducked. I took a few more and tossed them out her window before tucking most of the ones left and dashed out of there. I could hear her feet pounding behind me and I thanked God that she did not have a car. I hopped into mine and tore outta there, tires screeching. I threw another one out of the window at her. She was spewing curses that sailors would be ashamed of. "YOU SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER WITH THAT MOUTH?" I screamed back at her. I then got out of there, laughing like a crazy person.

I soon got back to my house, giggling as I walked in. Ivan was sitting in the middle of the living room, surrounded by empty vodka bottles. His hair was messed up and his eyes were wide.

"Sasha... I've drinken so much vodka it tastes like water does, da? It no longer gets me drunk at all." He gripped the front of my shirt. "Help me, podruga. I cannot live without my vodka."

I stepped backwards. I didn't know it would be this bad. "Um.. I-Ivan?" I slowly pulled his hand off of my shirt and set it on his lap. "It was... a, um, trick. Revenge for making me dance in the rain."

Ivan stared at me for a second and a smile spread across his face. "Kolkolkolkol... You... switched my vodka with water?" He slowly stood up, towering over me.

My door suddenly flew open. Damn it, I forgot to lock it! "Sasha.." Audrey was there, carrying manga covered in mud and dirt. "You defiled my poor manga... YOU ARE DEAD!" She screamed and ran towards me, and I started running away, scared for my life. Ivan followed behind Audrey with his faucet pipe in his hand.

Maybe I'd hide with America.

**-/Hetalia/-**

A week later, after Audrey, Ivan, and Alfred had calmed down, I was looking through the ads in the newspaper. "We really have to get jobs," I informed the two guys eating slightly burnt scrambled eggs across from me.

"Aww, whyyy," Al whined, buttering toast.

"Because my previous income has stopped and you guys are eating/drinking up all my savings," I told him bluntly, folding up the paper.

"Don't blame me for the alcohol! I only drink occasionally. I bought one case of beer. One!" He jerked his thumb at Ivan. "Blame 'vodka is Russian fuel' over here."

"It is," Ivan protested.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," I sighed. "We all need to get jobs either way. Even you America."

Al made a sad face and poked at his eggs.

"I found a few promising jobs for myself, so I'm going into town today. You two can stay here and-" I was interrupted.

"But we will be going with you, defender of men," Ivan said calmly and took a bite of toast.

"What? No, guys."

Alfred banged his fist on the table. "Of course we are! We can't let you go alone! 'Sides, then we can look for jobs too! You cannot deny us the job-looking! We have rights! At least, I do! Because I'm A FREE AMERICAN!"

I facepalmed. "Fine, you can come."

"WOOHOO!" America fistpumped. Ivan grinned at me as I put my plate in the sink.

"Then are we leaving now, da?" Ivan got up and put his plate in the sink as well.

"Yeah," I said, taking my keys of the counter. "Will you two behave, please?"

"The hero ALWAYS behaves," Alfred shouted. "Shotgun!" He raced outside and Ivan and I followed.

"Alfred?" Ivan asked as Al slid into the passenger seat beside me. Oh, please, tell me he's not going to...

"Yeah, commie bastard?" Alfred looked up at the Russian. "I called shotgun, so get in the back."

"Nyet. The seat next to my podruga is mine." He smiled at America slowly.

I hit my head against the wheel. Headwheeling, if you will. I stared at the car floor and heard scuffling beside me. When I looked over, Russia sat there looking content. In the backseat was a sobbing American. "B-but th-the h-h-hero called sh-shotgun..."

"But this is my seat, da?" Russia twisted around to smile at Al, who glared back.

"Just put on your seatbelts, you two. You're worse than Audrey and Madge."

They did as I asked them to and I pulled out of the driveway, cursing the day I won these things.

**-/Hetalia/-**

We soon reached town and I pulled into a empty parking lot. "We're going to walk around town and see what we can find, okay?"

"Yes, sir!" Al got out and saluted me. I smacked him over the head.

"I am not a sir, Al." I huffed and started walking. The two guys walked beside me and I could see girls almost drooling over them. Right, forgot they were hot as well as annoying.

"Hey, excuse me?" A girl walked up to Ivan and tugged on his scarf, letting out a tiny giggle. "Why are you wearing a scarf? It's sooooo hot out."

At the same time more people were coming up to Alfred and a few others went to Ivan. Oh God I was trapped by girls who thought Alfred and Ivan were sex on two legs.

"I cannot take it off. It is very important to me, da?" Ivan smiled down at the girl, creepiness slowly turning up. The girl just giggled again, oblivious.

"That's kinda cool. Hey, you with this girl or wanna come and hang out with me?" She hugged his arm and fluttered her eyelashes.

From my other side I could girls admiring Alfred's muscles. "Yeah, so of course I, the hero, am strong! I could lift up three of you chicks!"

I rolled my eyes. "Have fun, Al. You too, Ivan. Meet me at the car in a few hours, okay?" I started to walk off, only to be stopped my a hand on top of my head and one gripping my arm.

"Dude, I told you we're coming with!" It was Alfred gripping my arm. So by that logic...

Ivan pulled me backwards, making me lean back and look up at him. "Da. Do not think you can get out of it that easily." He looked over to the girl. "And nyet, I do not want to go with you. I shall stay with comrade Sasha."

The girl flipped her hair and walked away. "Whatever. You're not that cute anyways."

"Let me go, Ivan," I sputtered. "You're hurting my back!" I was bent backwards and it really started to hurt after a few minutes.

"Defender of men, those girls called be cute earlier. Am I cute?" He watched me from above, keeping his hand on my head and holding me back still.

"And hey, they called me hot! Am I hot, Sash? C'mon, tell me!" Al intruded my line of sight as well. "Cause we're not gonna let you up until you tell us! Right, commie?" Ivan nodded, ignoring the commie jab.

My face went red as I answered, "Well, y-yeah. Ivan, you're cute. And y-yeah Al. You could be classified under... hot."

The both grinned and let me go, and I leaned forwards with a hand to my back. "Oooow," I groaned, twisting to try to pop my sore back.

"Well, let's go, dude," Alfred said, hitting me on the back and efficiently popping it.

I suddenly tackle-hugged him. "THANK. YOU. I HAVE BEEN TRYING THAT AAAALLLL DAY!"

"Uh... you're welcome?" He coughed. "I mean... THAT'S WHAT HEROES ARE FOR!" He hugged me back.

"Let's go, da?" Ivan said, purple aura coming from him.

"YES! TO THE JOB SEARCH!" I yelled, pointing forwards. I ran ahead, followed by a laughing Alfred and a silent Ivan. We soon reached the mall, a place of many jobs. We went into the first place, a resturant hiring waitresses. Let's just say that we got kicked out for 'distracting the waitresses with eye-candy'.

Could I take these guys anywhere without girls freaking out over them?

The next stop was a clothing shop. A beach blonde teenage girl was the manager, and her gum popping was.. so... annoying. The place wasn't my normal style, but if it paid reasonably, I wouldn't mind working here.

I shoved Al and Ivan into a rack of clothes nonchalantly before going up to her.

"You here to apply -pop!- for the job?" She chewed her gum and looked me up and down. I felt a bit subconscious of my outfit: a pair of black shorts with a white t-shirt and a black and green vest, and a white hat to top it off. "Well, you're a bit -pop!- different than who we usually -pop!- hire, but you'll -pop!- do, I guess." She shrugged. "So why do you want to -pop!- work here?"

"Well, I needed a job," I said, wincing as she popped her gum over and over again, "and I saw the ad in the paper. I like to help people find.. um.. can you stop?" I finally asked, sick of the noise.

"Stop -pop!- what?" She put a hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow. And popped again.

"Popping," I hissed through gritted teeth.

"What? Why -pop!-? Does it -pop!- bother you?"

"No, I just asked because I'm enjoying it too much," I said sarcastically, eyes narrowing.

"Well, sor-pop!-ry. No need to -pop!- be rude." She kept popping.

I blew up. "No, YOU are the rude one! SHUT UP YOUR DAMN POPPING AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE." I turned around and walked out, pulling Ivan and Al with me. I turned my head and saw her jaw drop at the sight of them. Good. I hope her gum fell out.

I few failed interviews and a couple hours later I sat at Starbucks, exhausted. I sipped my ice coffee, trying to think of a place I could work at.

"Dude!" Alfred said, sitting down next to me and across from Ivan. "I just got a job at that store that sells EVERYTHING! I'm supposed to demonstrate products and get people to buy them!" He took a drink of his coffee.

"Good for you," I said. How could that IDIOT get a job before me? Damn charismatic smile...

"Defender of men, shall we leave then?" Ivan watched me, smiling softly and creepily. I nodded.

"Yeah, sure." I stood up and pushed my chair back. I made sure to grab my coffee, and I drank it slowly as we walked out into the blinding sun. As my eyes adjusted as we walked, I noticed something. A small bookshop. On the window it said 'Cafe bookshop! We're so many things you won't know what to do first!' My eye twitched before I saw the sign on the door. 'Help Wanted'

Well, it was worth a try. I gestured for the others to follow me and I walked in. There was a sweet 'ding' of a bell and a woman appeared.

She seemed to be around nineteen, twenty, and she wore glasses over her brown eyes. Her hair was a nice sandy brown, but there was one odd part. There were light blue streaks through her hair and the tips of her long hair were dark blue. She wore a silver, black, and white maid-style uniform with a poofy skirt and a apron. "Hello," she said, smiling at Ivan, Alfred, and me. "I'm Jenny. How can I help you- Is that... Russia and America?"

Oh, fuuuuuuuck... "Heh... yeah?"

"What, no France?" She pouted, crossing her arms unhappily. "Not even England?"

"Hopefully not," I muttered under my breath. I don't think I could deal with France. I'd end up killing him. "Um, a-anyways, I'm here to apply for the job?" I was actually doubting this place. If I had to wear that uniform...

"You want a job here?" Jenny looked pleasantly surprised. "And you like Hetalia? What's your name?"

"Yes, yes, and Sasha," I replied to each of her questions in order.

"You're hired!"

"Wha...?" She had asked me a total of three questions, one of them asking what my name was!

"If I can find someone who wants to work here, likes Hetalia, and has a cool name like that, then why look further?" Jenny grinned, aand I quickly realized something. She was craaaazyyy. "Besides, I have to keep you around! Russia and America are following you around!"

I nodded, still weirded out.

"Okay, so we'll measure you for your uniform tomorrow." Hell, I did have to wear that... Suddenly my phone went off.

"Um, let me get this," I said, pulling out my phone as she nodded. I answered and immediantly held the phone a foot from my face.

"SASHA WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?" It was Madge. A creepy grin spread across my face. My revenge must have gone through.

"What did I do?" I asked innocently, feigning confusion.

"THERE'S A FREAKING GIANT ASS BOX THAT I HAD TO SIGN FOR. IT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS! THE FUCK. DID. YOU. DO?" She was really loud.

"Can I come back tomorrow?" I looked at Jenny, who just nodded. I walked out with Ivan and Al behind me. I have a posse. Ha!

I brought the phone back to my ear. "Haha... HAHAHA... MUWHAHAHAHA! REEEVEEEENGEEE, MADGE! SWEET, SWEET REVENGE!" Ivan and Alfred looked freaked out. I imagine I wasn't too far from Belarus in that moment... I coughed. "So, who'd you get?"

Madge sighed. "Hold on, let me check..." There was noise from her end and crinkling. A ripping sound happened, and I heard a laugh. "Matthew Williams."

... Why? WHY? WHY! "Who," I asked, closing my eyes in annoyance. Even if I was jealous of her SANE unit, I had to do what we always did.

"CANADA," Madge said, bursting into laughter.

"I know. Don't open him. I'll be right there." I hung up and turned towards the guys. "We're heading to Madge's."

**-/Hetalia/-**

I came to a stop in front of Madge's apartment complex and I went to the intercom. She buzzed us in and we took the elevtor up to her room. The trip was NOT FUN. I was stuck in a small space with the two participants in The Cold War. (Al - "Do ya think your weight will make the elevator fall down, commie?" Ivan - "You are calling me fat, da? I am not the one to eat greasy fast food everyday. Kolkolkolkol...")

So when we finally reached Madge's apartment, I was even more pissed. WHY DID SHE GET A SANE ONE? I just want some sanity in my home... just a bit. I threw her door open. "LET'S SEE THIS FUCKING SANE UNIT, MADGE." She jumped a mile into the air, the manual flying out of her hands.

"Oh.. oh, shit! Sash, you can't do that!" She put a hand to her chest, breathing deeply.

"Fine, fine," I said., waving off her surprise. "Let's see that manual." I got next to her and looked at it with her.

'MATTHEW WILLIAMS: User Guide and Manual

CONGRATULATIONS! You've just purchased a MATTHEW WILLIAMS unit of your very own! To ensure that you use your new buy to the very best of his abilities and that you avoid painful, unexpected brushes with death, we've provided you with this manual.'

I grinned and Madge paled. "Maybe he's not as sane as I thought," I mused, reading on. "Let's figure out how to open him, shall we?"

'Removal of your MATTHEW WILLIAMS from Packaging:

MATTHEW WILLIAMS is one of our kindest, most stable units, but anyone can have a bad morning! We urge you to take extreme caution when trying to reprogram or unpack him; to avoid any unfortunate injuries, we have compiled a list of ways to wake your unit up.

1. Play the Canadian anthem, or speak any dialect of French loudly by the box. He will wake happily, and after you insist that you can see him, he will be so ecstatic that you can reprogram him directly.

2. Cook French or Canadian food (poutine is a suggestion). While he eats, you can reprogram him.

3. For more modern musics. If you blare American pop music, MATTHEW WILLIAMS will shout for ALFRED F. JONES to turn down that horrible screeching (especially if the singer in question is Miley Cyrus), and he will be a bit grumpy when he gets up; you can also play Justin Bieber, to which MATTHEW WILLIAMS will apologize profusely as you reprogram him; a third pop option is to play Lady Gaga, to which MATTHEW WILLIAMS will insist that they are not dating.

4. Turn on an ice hockey game and put the volume loud enough for you to hear it down the street - which is where MATTHEW WILLIAMS' box should preferably be, to avoid any injuries caused by the box breaking open as MATTHEW WILLIAMS dashes to watch the game.

5. Start your KUMAJIRO unit up. MATTHEW WILLIAMS will get up immediately.'

"I guess I can do one," Madge said shrugging. We turned around to get her laptop and saw Alfred playing 'Party In the U.S.A.'

"Alfred! Turn that down! It's terrible!" Matthew punched the top and opened the box. He glared at his brother.

"Ah, Matvey!" Ivan said, delighted. "We should play hockey soon, da?"

Mattie looked at Ivan. "Oh, um, sure," he said quietly.

"You sent me Justin Beiber, Mattie! Why should I turn down a girl singing about partying in me?" Alfred snorted at his brother.

Madge and I looked at each other, then at Alfred, then back at each other. (Now look at the ground, then back to- naw, I'm not going to start that..) We burst into laughter and fell to the floor. "That sounds... so wrong, Al," I choked out, gripping my gut. Madge gasped as she laughed, pounding the ground with a fist.

Yeah, we need help. Not a new concept at all.

Everyone stared at us as we got up, except for Ivan. He already encountered my mad laughter when I first opened his box.

Mattie was now holding Kumajiro. "A-anyways, Al, I only sent him to you because of Miley Cyrus."

"But Beiber's way worse! Come on, how can you put your own brother and his citizens through that torture?" Al pouted, looking at his older brother.

"Quite a few of your citizens seem to love him," Canada ventured.

"Is it his fault most teenage and pre-teen girls that are his citizens have absolutely no taste?" I muttered, turning off the terrible Cyrus song.

"Da, Matvey," Ivan said, patting Matthew on his head. "Good job with Justin Beiber." Canada looked at the larger country in horror.

"Hey, Ivan, look, vodka!" I said, pointing at a bottle I brought just in case.

"Spasibo, defender of men," Ivan said, taking it and sitting on Madge's couch.

"So..." Madge said, looking aroud."What now?"

"Who are you?" Kumajiro said, looking up at his owner.

Canada looked ready to cry. "I'm Canada!"

**-/Hetalia/-**

[1] - Heh, yep. Mr. Braginski likes Paaaawn Staaaarssss. xD

[2] - Bastard in Russian. Couldn't find out how to pronounce fat...

Oh look. Slight angst followed by evil laughter. XDDD And then revenge that kinda ended up turning on poor Sasha... She really doesn't have any good luck. ^-^

HAHA JEALOUS RUSSIA. XD Can YOU find the jealous Russian? =3

I didn't... like this chapter very much. I got writer's block halfway through. I should seriously think about cutting down on my chapter lengths...

Right, so, review with the answer to my question. Good luck, have fun.

Next chapter there'll be another unit for Sasha! Can you guess who~?


	5. Hunger Pains

Hello, dear readers. I'm sorry that this chapter has taken longer than the others (though still not very long compared to a lot of story updates. xD), but I had severe writer's block. I kept typing a few words then deleting it all because everything I did felt stupid. I'm not COMPLETELY happy with how this turned out either, but it's the best I can come up with.

Also, my answer! I would bring my laptop and wi-fi (BECAUSE I CAN. :D), along with some camping supplies and foods. Water would help as well. I would bring Russia, because he's my favorite, and if I run out of water before we're rescued, he might let me drink some of his endless vodka. (I swear he has a portal in his coat...) I might die of alcohol poisoning (or Ivan) but not thirst! XD Plus it would be hot and he might take of his bulky coat SOMETIME, right? xP

And the winner to the competition is... *drum roll* Chikitty! Your entry was hilarious and totally true! PM me what you want in a story and I'll see what I can do with it~.

Everyone else, great entries! I'll have another contest sometime in the future, so don't be depressed~.

AND HARHAR, THE TITLE IS A PUN OF THE HUNGER GAMES. SORTA.

Now, to the story!

Disclaimer: Don't own anything. Read the manuals by LolliDictator, guys, you won't regret it.

**-/Hetalia/-**

"Defender of men, I would really like some home cooked food, da?"

I jumped as I heard Ivan's voice right behind me while I was searching for three frozen meals in the freezer. "I am tired of those things you call TV dinners and take-out."

Oh, crap. Maybe I could just crawl into the refrigerator... It would be the wisest decion. "Well, I-Ivan, I can't cook, America refuses to make anything but hamburgers, a-a-and you won't cook... I don't know what to do." I turned around slowly as I spoke to see Ivan THISCLOSE to me.

"Can't one of your friends cook, defender of men?" Ivan towered in front of me, intimadating as always.

"Um, Madge's cooking is acceptable, and Audrey can make a few things, but the latter usually uses too much of one ingredient.." I wrung my hands and started to edge away slowly. "She once made me home-made macaroni and cheese, and, the milk-obsessed person she is, it was a bunch of plain noodles practically swimming in cheesy milk[1]." A dark aura slowly began appearing behind Ivan when I heard a knock. My saviour! As I ran to the door I thought, anyone who just saved me is welcome here anytime.

I forgot about the Flying Mint Bunny delivery man.

"Hey, Sasha," Asher said, leaning against another large crate and holding a smaller box under his arm. "You gonna slam the door on me again?"

I shook my head, unable to speak. Not another one. Not so soon! NOT WHEN IVAN WAS GETTING TIRED OF MY FOOD OPTIONS! ... Wait! Hold on! Could it be... a Unit that could cook? Like Italy, China, or Switzerland?

"Who'd you bring me?" I asked eagerly as I signed for it.

"Sudden change in attitude, girl." He raised an eyebrow at me and brought in the boxes. "See for yourself. Hope it's to your liking." He tossed the envelope at me and left. I managed to catch the thing with the tips of my fingers and tore it open, staring at the title.

This wasn't very helpful.

"Cool, dude! Who'd we get?" Alfred looked over my shoulder at the manual and I pointed at the beginning.

'ARTHUR KIRKLAND: User Guide and Manual

CONGRATULATIONS! You have just purchased your very own ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit. This manual was written in order to ensure that you, the owner, can unlock your unit's full potential as a guardian, boyfriend, and/or pirate.'

Alfred started laughing loudly, and I thought of the benefits. Well, he was more mature than the others I'd gotten so far. Therefore, my aunt might really accept him as a gaurdian and stop calling two times a day. (One time Al picked up the phone, announcing himself as 'the hero' and then started yelling at 'the commie bastrad' about vodka vs. hamburgers. THAT took an awful a lot of explaining, I'll tell you.) I imagined he wouldn't be against getting a job. And I had always figured his cooking couldn't be as bad as the other nations said. I wasn't about to feed Ivan anything the English man cooked anytime soon, but still. This could work... maybe. I read the manual then turned my eyes back to methods of removal.

Removal of your ARTHUR KIRKLAND Unit from Packaging

'Awakening your ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit is generally quite simple, but if he was jostled during shipment it could be harder. We have provided this list of failsafe ways to wake your unit, jostled or not, which will not result in you missing any body parts at the end. Your unit tends to make a lot more assumptions than he should, which might result in some terrifying moments while getting him up, but don't worry - he won't really hurt you, unless you're a FRANCIS BONNEFOIS unit.

1. Set a plate of hamburgers next to the box, preferably with a fan to force the aroma towards the box with. Momentarily, your unit will shout at you to get the food out of his face before kicking his way out of the box unless you move the food within two seconds. It is advised to stand a few metres away to avoid being stabbed with bits of the box. Once he realizes that you are not an ALFRED F. JONES unit, he will apologize for his "ghastly behavior" and introduce himself, and you are free to reprogram him then.

2. Play either "Saving Grace" or "The Star-Spangled Banner" as loudly as you can. If you play the first song, your unit will hum or sing to it in his box and it is safe to remove the lid; if you play the second, your unit will shout at you to "turn that damn racket down" and again claw his way out of the box if you do not stop the music. Again, once he notes that you are not in fact an ALFRED F. JONES, he will apologize and be perfectly cordial towards you, allowing you to reprogram him.

3. Clink two glass alcohol bottles - preferably scotch or whiskey - together, in earshot of the box, but not too close lest you be hit by flying bits of wood as your unit scrambles for them. As soon as ARTHUR KIRKLAND has gotten out of the box, he will thank you for the alcohol and chug it; while he does so, you can reprogram him.

4. Cook an aromatic Spanish or French dish and set it down near the box. Your unit will laugh, start to punch his way through the box and ask in an evil tone whether you want to get your ass kicked again. When he sees that you are neither an ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO nor FRANCIS BONNEFOIS unit, he will ask you to excuse his behavior.

5. If you are certain that shipping went perfectly, you can just open the box and hope he doesn't reach out and try to kill you for waking him up incorrectly.'

Al was reading over my shoulder the whole time, until finally I shooed him away. "Two should be easy," I voiced aloud, only to turn and see Al using his OWN favorite method.

AGAIN.

He had set a plate of hamburgers (I don't even want to know where he got them...) and a fan next to the box before turning it on and running for dear life. "AL! WAIT, DON'T-"

The only things I registered next was a British accent coming from the box yelling something along the lines of 'get your greasy death-trap food away from me, Alfred' and then the box exploding open. There was a hard whack on the side of my head and a light burst in front of my eyes[2] and then there was complete darkness. I faintly heard another voice which said, "Comrade Arthur, what have you done to Sasha?" before I sunk even deeper in the darkness and heard nothing.

**-/Hetalia/-**

"Dude, I think you killed her! Iggy, why? What did poor Sash ever do to you? SHE WAS MY CITIZEN! MY CITIZEN'S HEAD IS BLEEDING!"

I felt my cheek pressed against a slightly rough cloth radiating a bit of heat. The sticky feeling on my head must've been blood, I realized.

"Shut up, you git! I thought she was you, and I didn't know the box was going to do that anyways!"

A wet washcloth dabbed against the sticky substance lightly. I let out a slight groan, unable to form a coherent sentence at that precise moment. A chuckle came from right above me. Ivan, obviously.

"Comrade Sasha, see what happens when you run away from me? If you stayed with me and became one with Mother Russia, I would protect you, da?" A cool-almost cold-hand stroked my head.

"Mmmrph... S'udd'p.. My 'ead 'urts..." I turned my face into the rough cloth. My head was on Ivan's knee, I thought. Another chuckle came from the over-sized Russian.

"See! Look! She's not dead!" Arthur sounded desprete. "Um, maybe if I make her some soup-"

"THEN YOU'LL REALLY KILL HER!" Al screamed. He grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me to face him though my eyes were still shut. He started shaking me. "C'mon, Sash! You can't leave me here alone with the commie and Iggy! Who'll go to McDonalds with me and let me sleep in their bed after a scary movie? WHO'LL PAY THE BILLS?"

Ivan started to 'kol'. "You ublyudok, put her down.."

My eyes snapped open. "Stop.. shakin' me... My head," I moaned, hitting him weakly with a fist. Ivan quickly grabbed me and pulled me out of Alfred's grip.

"Hey, what was that for?" Al growled as I held my aching head with both hands. Ivan's arms were wrapped around me protectively, for once not crushing me.

"Even if my podruga will not become one with me quite yet, I will at least keep her safe a little and away from you until she does, da?" Ivan smiled at Al, who looked like he was about to reply before Arthur spoke up.

"Hold on... Did you say 'let me sleep in their bed after a scary movie', Jones?" Iggy rubbed his chin thoughtfully and smirked at the younger nation who started to pale.

Silence.

"Th-the h-h-hero said nothing of the sort," Alfred protested.

"But I heard it too, comrade," Ivan said, eyes glinting. He stood up, handing me the washcloth. "Amerika, you were scared and slept with Sasha?"

"I DID NO SUCH THING!" ALfred screamed, running off. Ivan chased after him with a grin. That left me and Arthur alone.

"Ah... I do aplogize, Miss." Arthur reached back and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

I pressed the wet cloth to my head and winced. "It's... um, it's okay. You didn't know..." He reached down with a hand and helped me to my feet. "You can call me Sasha or Sash, though."

"Sasha," Arthur clarified. "Should I take you to the hospital?"

I waved his hovering hands away. He loked ready to catch me if I fall. "No, I'll be okay." We stood their in an awkward silence for a minute with the sounds of a giggling Russian and yelling American in the background. My stomach suddenly growled. That made me look down in embarressement. "Er, sorry. It's almost time for dinner."

"Really? Should I cook something?" I looked at the hopeful man. Everyone always put down his cooking. But when I was little, I used to go to an old English pub with my mom and her friend quite a lot, and the food was GOOD. And the fish and chips.. Is that drool? I wiped my chin.

"Can... can you make fish and chips? Please?" I looked up at him with puppy eyes.

Arthur looked absolutely DELIGHTED at the fact I was asking him to cook. "Of course I can! You've got the ingredients, right?"

"Yuh-huh."

"Please don't mangle the English language," he snorted as he went to the kitchen. I stuck my tongue out at him then went to check my head in a mirror. It didn't look too bad. Looked like a sharp edge of wood just cut it when it hit me in the head. I placed a large bandage on it and waited for Iggy to be done.

About thirty minutes later[3] England called me to the kitchen. I found two plates with fish and chips on the table, with Iggy sitting at one. The food looked good, but was there supposed to be a purple aura akin to Ivan's creeper background hovering over it? I picked up a fry and went to eat it.

"NOOOOOO!" Alfred leaped across the kitchen and knocked the french fry out of my hand. "IF YOU EAT THAT YOU WILL DIE!"

I glared at him, and he glared at Arthur. "Alfred, calm down-" As usual, I was interrupted.

"Iggy! How could you? DO YOU WANT TO KILL HER? YOU TRYING TO GO ASSASIN ON HER ASS?" He flailed around, trying to get his point across.

"You git, don't be so rude! You knocked Sasha's food out of her hand! AND MY COOKING IS NOT THAT BAD!" Arthur tore a piece of fish off violently and chewed. "See?"

"The hero was saving her! And you don't count because you can eat anything!" Al then noticed me bringing another fry to my mouth. He slapped my hand. "No!"

"Ow!" I rubbed my hand. "That hurt! Let me eat!"

"No way, dude! Not Iggy's food!"

I tried to eat again and Al slapped my hand again. "Quit it!"

"Stop trying eat the stuff!" Slap.

"Ow!" I brought food to my mouth.

Slap!

"OW!" I tried again.

SLAP!

"OWW!" I stood up and slapped Alfred across the face. "I AM HUNGRY AND TRYING TO EAT. GET YOUR SLAP-HAPPY SELF AWAY FROM ME AND MY FOOD BEFORE I OPEN A CAN OF WHOOP-ASS ON YOU."

"... You have that?" Alfred stared at me. His cheek was bright red and his glasses were askew, but he seemed to be ignoring those things.

"Not very lady-like..." Arthur scoffed.

"PLEASE! If I die from Iggy's cooking ("Don't call me Iggy!"), you can have my Wii and camera," I sighed, looking at the food longingly, then at the fries on the floor.

"WOOHOO! The hero will hold you to that!" America ran off, pretending to fly like a super hero. What. An. Idiot.

My butt returned to the chair. "Finally," I said, reaching down and grabbing a fry. I chomped down on the end of it. I sat still, and my eyes slowly widened. "Arthur," I mumbled through the fry. I could't even attempt to take the food out of my mouth.

"Is it alright?" England asked. He raised a bushy brown eyebrow and sipped at his tea(when'd he make THAT?).

I was silent for a minute, but then I spoke. "England... I love you." The tea in his mouth came spurting across the table, covering the table cloth and the vase of sunflowers Ivan put on it(I knew a certain Russian who might be pissed...). It missed me and my food by a narrow margin.

"E-excuse me?" He sputtered, patting his jacket dry. "Are you mocking my cooking? Or was it so bad you're deillusional?" He stood up, pushing his chair back. "Quick, elevate your legs! Or is it your head? Or maybe your midsection! Elevate something while I get you water!" He ran towards the sink. "I tried my best, I really did! WHERE'S THE BLOODY GLASSES?" He was freaking out quite a lot, thinking he messed up my mind with his cooking somehow.

"Arthur! Arthur, calm down!" I said after finially shoving the rest of the french fry into my mouth and swallowing it. "It's really, really good!"

Iggy stopped in his tracks and turned slowly to face me. "Wha... you... you mean it."

I nodded and took a big bite of fish. "Yeah, see? It reminds me of a good time when I was little."

A bright smile spread across Arthur's face. "I'm so glad you like it, Sasha! No body ever tells me that!" His cheeks were flushed red and he looked absolutely delighted. Why was the grumpy England dancing around my kitchen singing? ... Oh, shit. I unlocked his Loving mode, didn't I? I facepalmed, letting out a groan. I couldn't deal with a loving England. Something landed on my shoulder and I went to brush it off. My hand was grabbed inches from it's destination.

"Don't do that! You'll make Tinker Bell fall!" I looked up at England, who was looking worriedly at my shoulder.

"Iggy, there is no such things as-" Just then I turned my head to look, catching a flash of soft light that turned into the shape of a fairy. I almost screamed. "ENGLAND, WHY IS THERE A FAIRY ON MY SHOULDER?"

His eyes almost turned into hearts. Like seriously, you've seen it many a time in anime. Well, his eyes were sparkling. ENGLAND'S, OF ALL NATIONS, EYES WERE SPARKLING. "You can see them too?." A pause. The I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and I was engulfed by a smell that could rightly be called a mixture of Anglo-Saxxon food, tea, and rum. "I LOVE YOU, SASHA!"

"Defender of men, why are you being hugged by England? Kolkolkolkol..." Ivan had walked in at that very moment, and his eyes began to narrow.

Well damn. I had some explaining to do, huh?

"And why is there tea all over the sunflowers?"

That just made it worse.

**-/Hetalia/-**

After quite a lot of explaining, a few hours, and shooing away all imaginary creatures, Russia was still pissed at me.

"I told you, I can't cook dinner!" I was almost crying, cornered by Ivan in a corner. "I will poison you. POISON YOU."

"Oh, so now you are threatening me, da?" Ivan smiled down at me which only made me want to cry more.

"NO, I'M NOOOOT!" I covered my eyes.

"But it is not fair that you could stomach that gonvo[4] but you do not feed me." Ivan reached down and lifted me by the shirt just as the doorbell rang again. I am really starting to like that doorbell. I squirmed in his grasp.

"Please let me down, Ivan. I have to answer it." He paused but slowly put me down.

"Okay, Sasha. But I am watching you."

I ran over and flung open the door. "H-YYEEEE!" I had opened it to be drenched in freezing, stinky water. Ivan caught some of it as well. England and America appeared at my scream.

"That was for your 'revenge', Sash," Madge said, holding a bucket in both hands and two plastic baggies hooked on her elbow. She was grinning widely. A giggling Audrey and a flustered Canada stood behind her.

I take it back. I hate that doorbell. Russia, torture me how you will, I was going to remove that thing.

I stood there shivering violently. "Wh-wh-what? Guys! What a-a-are you doing here?"

"Sleepover night," Audrey sing-songed.

"I brought the Chinese, movies, the nation that's always forgotten, and the drinker of our group." Madge jerked her thumb towards Audrey.

"And I brought the illegal alcohol," Audrey said, lifting up two paper bags and a plastic one. "Beer, rum, vodka, and jello to make jello shots!"

"I-I have the clothes and other materials," Mattie offered. He gestured to the small duffel bags slung across his shoulder.

"Rum?" Arthur said, looking between me and Ivan expectingly. "You guys stink like fish, by the way."

"ENGLAND!" Audrey squealed and tackled him to the ground.

I had forgotten about sleep-over night. We all tried to get together once or twice a month to have elaborate sleep-overs. The name had night in it, but it could last for DAYS. I wanted them to get out, but I really could use time with them. I'd been so occupied by the Hetalia units I hadn't spent much time with my best friends. I ignored the shrieking from the flor and looked at Madge. "Alright, fine. Get set up. But now I'm going tpo have to take a shower or a bath," I growled.

Madge nodded happily, skipping in. "No prob, Sasha!"

"I am going to have to take one too, comrade. Why do we not bathe together?" Ivan smiled at me, but I could see a familiar look in his eyes. The 'I'm going to kill you/torture you for whatever you did to piss me off'. Then I remembered that one line under 'Cleaning' in his manual. 'Reject any of his requests to bathe with you; he will most likely hold your head underwater and say he was shampooing your hair.'

"N-no thanks," I said as England got up, dusting himself off. I could feel my face growing pale. "I can be quick. It'll just take five minutes!"

"But I insist," Ivan said giggling. He grabbed me by my shirt again and began dragging me towards the bathroom.

"GUUUUYYYYSSS, HELP MEEE!" I cried, grabbing anything in my reach to slow down Russia's advancement towards the tub.

"Shouldn't we help her..?" Arthur asked, looking worried.

"No way, dude! This is hilarious!" America bursted out just as Audrey let out a 'nope~!' They high-fived and started laughing.

I turned to the last one I could count on for help. "Madge..?" I whispered, holding onto the door frame of the bathroom. "My friend, my last hope, the person with a black belt in karate?"

A grin slowly spread across her face. "You set me up with a Hetalia unit order. You and Audrey have tortured me multiple times. You prefer to Spamano to GerIta. Uh-bye-bye, Sasha~!" She waved, and the bathroom door was shut in my face. I was stuck in there alone with a madly giggling sadistic Russian who was crouched over me, smiling widely.

"NNNOOOOOOOOOO," I screamed, pounding on the door. "YOU GUYS, I'LL GET YOU BACK, YOU HEAR?"

Maybe, just maybe, I should get some new, helpful friends.

**-/Hetalia/-**

[1] - Yeeeaaahhh... my actual friend I based Audrey on did exactly that. NOT. COOL. DX And she managed to actually drink the cheese-milk... Oh God I'm gagging right now.

[2] - I have heard being knocked out described many times like this, so, I'm going with it. XD

[3] - I don't know how long this would take, soo... I just decided on thirty minutes.

[4] - Shit in Russian. I really don't think this is right. DX

Yeah, I started school. *sigh* That's why this update took so long. I've been pretty busy, and inspiration for this chapter was already minimal. And I'm pretty sick right now. My head's killing me. But! But! I felt like this was really taking too long, so I tried my best. Sorry if it's shorter than usual, but this sleep-over is seperated in two parts. The next part will be up... sometime in the near future.

Arthur won't be in this mode for too long. Probably just the first part of next chapter then he'll be back to normal.

So hope you enjoyed, hasta luego and review! :D


	6. Author's Note

Sooo… bet you guys are wondering why I have an Author's note here. It's because my computer really, REALLY sucks. It broke. It won't turn on any more. At this moment I'm at the library. I've had it for about THREE MONTHS.

Sorry, but the story might take a long while to update. Not just because of my writer's block (which I do have at this moment), but because I have nowhere to type. I'm going to try to get a flash drive and work on the chapters at the library. Fingers crossed!

I'm going to try to get a new computer soon, but I'm broke at the moment. :/ Wish me luck in both my writer's block and computer issues, readers, because I'm going to need it. Congratulations has been, so far, really fun to write, and I love reading all your reviews. Keep it up, please.

Pleasant Fanfiction adventures to you all!

-Lupiniun Star


	7. Is This AWESOME Enough For You?

So, let me tell you the story of a girl who now owns a new red smartbook, but whose internet is down. It all starts when, one day, the girl finds out that her old (but not old really, only about three months old) black smartbook is frozen. So she turns it off and turns it back on. However, it won't move past the loading page. The girl tries and tries, but nothing will fix it. After telling her parents and calling the company, she takes it in for a new computer of the same type (and color) to replace it. She gets it and open the box, but it mysteriously doesn't have bubblewrap in-between it or a guard on the screen. She shrugs it off, too happy to pay too much attention to it. It is turned on (it also mysteriously already has a background), set up, and connected to her internet. The happy teen clicks on the beloved internet button.

... Nothing. It's frozen. She stares at the screen in despair and shock. Okay, so she breathes in, then hesitantly turns it off. And then on. Guess what? \i It's frozen at the loading screen. She has a breakdown (not really.. well, almost), takes it out into the living room and complains to her mother, then goes back to her bedroom and stuffs her head under a pillow, cursing the day that damn computers were invented.

The same night, she and her step-father go _back_ to the same store, where luckily her step-father knows the manager. She manages to exchange it for another one (this time red~) and, hopeful it works, heads home. Miracles of miracles, it does! In the process of attempting to get to the inernet, though, her father remembers he _needs to pay the damn bill._ Whatever, she's simply estatic that the dang thing is working. So she plays solitare and then decides, \i Hm, maybe I'll try to work on the next chapter for Congratulations?

Only then does the teenager realize, with complete and absolute horror, there's no writing program. The one that was on her old one, KCE, isn't there. She panicks and looks through all the supid programs on there. Finally, under a file called office, our heroine finds the amazing, wonderful Word (though this Word has a few additions). She rejoices and begins to write her tale.

Yep, the girl is me. In a nutshell, my old computer broke, I exchanged it. The new one turned out to have been used and broken, so I got \i another \i0 new one, this being a bit different. My new writing program has italics, bold, and underline! :D And it's a prettyful reeeed. WHEEE!

... Damn. DX The heroine of the computer story just remembered having the need for internet for this chapter. Well, I guess I'll just do what I can.\par \par I'd really like to thank all my reviewers. You all are what drive me to continue to write this story. I love reading each and every one of my reviews, and as you know, I will keep replying to all of them.

Oh, hey, a friend reminded me of this. Do any of you think I got Madge's name from The Hunger Games ? I love the names from there, but that's not true. I was looking for a suitable name on a names list, and I found Madge. It means a pearl in Greek. :D

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or the manuals. Lollidictator wrote the manuals I use. I believe Sweden's coming soon? =3

**-/Hetalia/-**

Ivan stood over me intimidatingly and I cowered in the corner. He smiled widely and cocked his head. "Ready to take a bath with me, comrade?"

"Um..." I wasn't sure what to say.

We stared at each other for a few minutes, Ivan smiling creepily and me with deer-in-headlights-eyes. He slowly went over to the tub and turned on the hot water, then the cold. He felt the water, and satisfied, put down the top toilet seat and sat down.

His violet eyes seared into my green ones. I felt as if his stare was threatening my soul. Again.

"Jump on in, defender of men. The water is perfect, da?" His eyes closed as his smile went even wider.

"Ehhhhh.. nah, I'm good, Ivan. Y-you can have the bathroom first." I scooted on my butt towards the door.

"Why won't you take a bath with me, Sasha?" Ivan got up and pressed a hand against the door.

I raised my eyebrows. It wasn't obvious? "W-well... I'magirlandyou'reaguyandIdon',itwouldruinmyinnocenceandtwo,it'djustbeveryveryawkward,okayBraginski?"[1] Not to mention he might attempt to drown me.

Ivan let out a snort, then started chuckling madly. "Oh, Sasha, you are funny, da?"

Huh? "What do you mean?"

"It's fun to watch you squirm~," Ivan sang-song. He patted me on the head. "You can take a bath first, defender of men." He opened the door and slipped out.

I sighed in relief and stripped to get into the tub. I sank into the warm water until only my nose and eyes were above water. Once I finished relaxing (I would need it. I had to go through who-knows-how-long with Audrey, Madge, and the units) I washed my hair and myself. I got out, dried myself, and realized I had no clothes. Well, I had the ones I was wearing earlier, but they were covered in that stinking fish water. The whole bath would be obsolete if I put those back on.

I opened the door a crack. "Madge? Audrey?" No reply. "MADGE, AUDREY?"

"SHUT UP," they called back. I could hear giggling, the bang of glasses on wood, and Japanese dance music... Shots and DDR? I shut the door and facepalmed.

I steeled myself and tugged my towel tighter. I would just have to stealthily make my way to my bedroom. I could not be seen. The dirty clothes were scooped up, and I tiptoed out the door. I practically held my breath when I tightly went around the corner to reach the stairs. I was a ninja. I WAS A NINJA, DAMMIT.

The clothes flew out of my arms and I screamed. Everyone was watching me. Al was laughing, Arthur was open-mouhed, Ivan's mouth made a small 'o' and Mattie-wait, where was... oh, right. Mattie's eyebrows shot into his hairline.

Audrey sniggered, but Madge looked ashamed. "I-it was Audrey's idea...," my blonde friend said sheepishly.

"Madge wanted to bring you clothes, but then I came up with _this_ Prussia-worthy idea," Audrey stated proudly, "The Bad Touch Trio would be proud."

At least I had my towel on still. "You... " I shook my head. "Whatever, I give up."

"Aw, it's no fun if you're not angry!" Audrey crossed her arms and pouted.

"Bathroom's yours, Ivan. Madge, Audrey, you coming to change into your PJs?" In all reality, I wanted to strangle Audrey. I'd probably do it eventually. Just not at this moment.

"Yay, pajamas~," Audrey sang, running up the stairs. Madge followed behind her. I turned to go, but stopped as Al spoke.

"Dude, like your outfit." I looked at him. He was grinning, giving me a thumbs up. Until I threw a shoe at him. Thank you, Audrey, for not taking off your boots at the door.

"AUGH!" He fell over the couch and I ran upstairs. "THE HERO DOESN'T TAKE BACK HIS COMMENT-NO! IGGY, COMMIE, GET AWAAAAY!"

**-/Hetalia/-**

Upstairs, Audrey, Madge, and I changed. The pajamas we wore at our slumber parties weren't our usual. No giant t-shirts and sweatpants. Audrey insisted on it. "When we hang out, we need to be dressed to impress!" Who the hell would we need to impress, the Tooth Fairy? Madge and I never understood that particular rule of Audrey's. But with the Hetalia guys here, she was more insistent then ever.

"No!" She smacked yet another pair of my baggy gym shorts out of my hands. "They're gigantic! And pee-yellow!"

"But they're comfy," I protested, "And I'm not wearing _anything_ like you are. Not a chance."

What Audrey had changed into had shocked me. I had come back upstairs after throwing a shoe (and apparently sicing everyone's favorite grump and sadist) at Alfred. She was wearing a dark purple sphagetti-strap top [2] with lace at the bottom and top, black socks, and black panties. PANTIES. Black lace ones. "It's no worse then a swimsuit. Better then a bra and panties!" Which had made me hit my head against the wall multiple times.

"It took her forever to approve my pajamas," Madge said, looking through my pajama drawer. She was wearing a pair of blue jogging shorts with white stripes down the sides, and a long-sleeved white shirt. "Just go with it. Or we'll be up here for hours." She sat down to pull on a pair of my socks.

I sighed. "Fine. No gym pants. What about these?" I pulled out a pair of soft white pajama shorts with different colored hearts on it with a pink ribbon to tie it.

"Acceptable!" Audrey gave me a thumbs up. She then proceeded to _throw_ things out of my top drawer until she came to a soft pink tank. In the middle it was a light pink, getting darker at the ends. [3] "Change, I order you!"

I raised an eyebrow at her then took the tanktop. I quickly changed, also putting on a fluffy pair of socks. "Okay, forward MARCH!" I pointed forwards and walked downstairs with Madge and Audrey behind me.

When we got downstairs, I burst into laughter. Ivan held Alfred by the collar of his shirt like a little puppy. Texas, his glasses, were askew across his face. Arthur stood next to him, arms crossed. "Go on, git, say it," Iggy grumbled.

"I don't-"

"Do you need to be convinced more, comrade Amerika?" Ivan asked, shaking him sliightly.

"N-no!" Al yelped. He looked at me. "I apologize, Sasha. It was wrong and ungentlemanly of me. I should not have said what I did."

Iggy nodded in approval, but Ivan smiled wider. "And, Amerika?"

"I am not going to say that, Ivan! She's my citizen, not-OW! Fine, fine!" Alfred looked at the snickering me. "And I should not have done that to Ivan's comrade."

... "Soooooo, DDR," I said, gesturing wildly and going over to the game. Audrey was laughing at her country as Ivan put him down.

"A-Audrey! Wh-what in the world are you wearing?" Arthur asked, staring at Audrey. "That's not appropriate for a young lady at all!"

"Pajamas," Audrey said with a shrug.

"B-but," Arthur sputtered, "You're wearing knickers and a revealing top! That's not lady-like at all!"

"No, no, Iggy, dude!" Alfred said, putting an arm around England and one around Audrey. "Those aren't knickers. Those are panties. PAN-TIES."

Iggy looked horrified. "Jones, your citizens... I just... Sasha, Madge, you two need to move to England. Now, for your own sake. I beg you. I can not have you grow up here any more."

"For your information, dude," Audrey growled, poking Arthur in the chest, "Your beloved citizens can be just as bad. Just because you guys have 'bums' and smoke a 'fag', doesn't mean you're better." [4]

"Yeah, dude!" Al nodded. "America, like, threw your tea into the harbor! We won, dude!"

A dismayed Arthur looked at me for help. If I didn't stop this now, it could go on for hours. I had to think of something that would distract a proud nation and an American cosplayer. DDR wouldn't do it. Shots might distract Audrey, but not Al. Only one thing came to mind. Something I've been meaning to tell Audrey for a while now, and something that Alfred would adore.\par \par I cleared my throat loudly. And began to sing. "_AMERICA_." Everyone turned to me, wondering what the hell I was doing. "_FUCK YEAH. COMING TO SAVE THE MOTHER FUCKING DAY, YEAH. AMERICA, FUCK YEAH. FREEDOM IS THE ONLY WAY YEAH!"_ [5]

"What... the hell... was_ that_?" Madge asked, flabbergasted. Beside her America and Audrey were falling over each other laughing.

"That... that song... is beautiful," Alfred gasped out between laughs. Audrey nodded in agreement. Tears were in her eyes and she couldn't speak.

"I do not like it, da?" Ivan grinned and crossed his arms.

"Um, I don't..." Canada started, only for Al to speak up and interrupt him.

"SO! This sleep over! What's planned?" Alfred was shedding his layers as he spoke. He was soon down to his Superman boxers and white tank.

"AHHH, NOOOO!" I screamed, diving under the coffee table. "THE MEMORIES! THEY BURRRRRN!"

Everyone stared at me, for the third time that night.

"Death hugs... and sudden striping..." I muttered, shivering. I hugged myself.

"Ooooookaaaaayyyy..." Madge said, turning away and back to the guys.

"Dramatic much?" Audrey scoffed. She looked back at Al. "First of all, the rest of the guys need YO' PJ'S!" She went all ganster on them, cupping one side of her mouth and putting her free hand in the air.

"... Don't do that," Madge and I said at the same time.

"We're embarressed for you," I told her. I came out from my spot underneath the table.

Audrey sighed. "Whatever, whatever. Pajamas, guys. They're neccessary."

Arthur, Mattie, and Ivan all looked at each other then trudged up the stairs. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"Who's here this late?" I asked, walking towards the front door. It was already eight[6], and everyone who would come over without calling (coughMadgeandAudreycough) were already here. I opened the door to see someone I thought I wouldn't see for quite some time.

"Asher?"

"Hey, chickie. Special delivery," my deliveryman said, leaning on another huge box. The smaller one and the manual were under his arm.

"But... BUT I JUST GOT ENGLAND," I said, trying to shut the door. He put his foot in the way.

"Sorry, Sasha. They sent this one early, and it's policy to deliver them as soon as we get 'em in. We can't have the box knocked over or have them accidently opened." Asher slowly forcefully opened the door. I was such a weakling.

"But I don't want one so soon..." I whimpered. I swear, the units must have super hearing, because what followed was perfectly on time.

"Are you alright, defender of men? Is someone making my comrade whimper? Kolkolkol..."

"DUDE! What's wrong? Do you need the hero to save you?"

"Um, will pancakes cheer you up...?" (Wait, who was that? ... Oh! Yeah, Canada.)

"Love, do you need help? If neccessary I'll run them through."

I turned towards the units behind me. They were wearing a mix of old shirts, sweat pants, boxers, and undershirts as pajamas. They all either got them from the attic store of clothes or they had been wearing them under their clothes. I was particularly impressed with Canada's 'I AM NOT AMERICA, I AM CANADA' boxers. I could hear Audrey in the background. "Oh, sweet mama, these poor people need to go shopping!" [7]

"Asher's trying to give me another unit," I tattled, pointing at the man in the Flying Mint Bunny hat. "That's two in one day! THIS IS MADNESS!"

"THIS. IS. SPARTAAAAAA!" Audrey screamed. Silence. "Heh... heheh... I had to."

"Is that... Flying Mint Bunny ears on your hat?" Arthur gasped and pointed at Asher's hat. So much for running him through.

"Uhh, yeah," Asher said, a bit intimidated by Iggy's sudden change in attitude. "You, er... want it?"

"BLOODY HELL YES," Iggy yelled. He stole the hat off the man's head, jammed it on his own, and ran off to find a mirror.

"Is that okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure," Asher shrugged. "I've got a spare. Now, missy, sign." He held out the familiar electric signer. I gave in and signed in what could be called 'a doctor's scrawl'. If you wanted to be polite. I just called it crap.

"Al, could you...?" I motioned to the box. He nodded and picked it up easily. He set it down in the middle of my living room. Asher handed me the smaller box and the manual. He waved good bye and wished me luck. "Bye, Asher..."

I opened up the manual. "Oh no. No nononono NONO NON, NYET, NEIN, NONONONONO." I would need it. One member of the Bad Touch Trio down, two to go.

"WHO IS IT?" Audrey asked, leaping and grabbing for the manual. I stepped out of the way and she fell to the floor.

"Can I see?" Madge asked. She held out her hand and I slapped the paper onto it. She looked, and started to grin. "I simply thank the fact he is not mine."

I stole back the manual. "Shuddup. You could get another of them." Madge paled and her blue eyes widened.

"Who is here now, comrade?" Ivan asked curiously, looking over my shoulder. I held the paper so he could see it better.

'Gilbert Bellischmidt: User Guide and Manual'

"Prussia," I muttered. I would need that luck Asher gave me. Prussia, who invades vital-regions, claims to be Awesome with a capital A, and who could annoy the shit out of you faster then a five year old with nothing to do. That's eaten candy. A few days before Christmas.

"PRUSSIA?" Audrey said, sitting up quickly. "BELLISCHMIDT IS AWESOME." (Quite frankly, I'm surprised that shouting that Gilbert was awesome wasn't a way to wake him up.)

Ivan looked delighted. "Oh, you mean Kaliningrad?"

"NO, IVAN, YOU'LL-"

Too late. The box started to shake. Pieces of wood went flying. "IVAN, YOU DUMMKOPF!" A voice growled from the inside. "DO NOT CALL THE AWESOME ME THAAAAAT!" Gilbert bursted out of the box. His eyes locked onto Russia and he started to stomp toward us. "Braginski! You-!"

What Braginski 'was' we never found out, because suddenly Audrey tackled Gilbert to the ground with a thud.

"PRUSSIA! GILBERT, YOU'RE AWESOMENESS!" Audrey hugged the 'Awesome One' tightly. I was surprised Gil could breathe.

"Kesesese!" Gilbert looked down at the girl hugged him for dear life. "Does that mean you want to see the awesome me's five meters?"

"HELL YEAH," Audrey said, hugging him even tighter.

"NO SHE DOES NOT," I said, dragging my friend off the ex-nation. "She doesn't want to. At all. America, take Audrey away to calm down right now, or you soon won't be her favorite."

"COME ON, CITIZEN!" Al said, picking up a struggling Audrey and carrying her upstairs. Actually, that looked kind of dangerous...

"NOOOooooo," Audrey cried. Her voice was slowly fading. "But Gilberrrrrrttt...!"

That left Gilbert, Madge, Ivan, and me downstairs. There was quiet for a minute.

"So..." Gilbert looked at me. He smirked and looked me up and down. "You were obviously just jealous. Wanna see my five meters, cutie?"

"I... I.. O-o-of course not," I stammered. I was blushing madly. This. This is why I didn't need Gilbert. "N-n-no way!"

"Sure you do," Gilbert retorted, smirk widening

"Kaliningrad..." Ivan started. His voice sounded bright but pissed at the same time. "Leave my podruga alone, da? Kolkolkol..."

"Just because an un-awesome person like you can't get into her pants doesn't mean I should leave her alone," Gilbert said. "She obviously wants me."

"I-I-I d-d-don't..." I said quietly. They ignored me. I was turning into Mattie here. Where _was_ Mattie? Seriously this time. Where'd he go? I didn't have much time to wonder, because suddenly I was lifted up and flung over a shoulder. It was Ivan. He was kol'ing the whole time he carried me upstairs and into my room.

Downstairs, I could still hear Gilbert. "So, guess that just leaves you and the awesome me..."

Crap. Madge was still down there.

"ARGH!" Gilbert's voice came upstairs, for some reason high-pitched. "My awesome five meters! You can't kick a guy there!" He squeaked.

Good job, Madge.

**-/Hetalia/-**

"So!" Audrey said, rubbing her hands together. It was about fifteen minutes later, and everyone had calmed down. Kind of. Gilbert kept glancing at Madge and mumbling under his breath. And Iggy? He was in heaven with his new hat. ("Look, Flying Mint Bunny! I'm just like you now!") "First of all, we have to force a shot down Sash's throat."

I did a spit-take with the chocolate milk I was guzzling down. (I was in sugar heaven tonight. You could seriously compare me with Arthur right now. We raided my kitchen and Madge had brought some as well.) The milk spewed all over my coffee table and carpet. "Wh-what!"

"Everytime Madge and I spend the night, Madge'll have a single shot, and you'll just have some peach brandy, that hard lemonaid shit, or cranberry juice and vodka. Like, half a glass. So I'm always stuck here with to sober people _all_ night. If I try to force Madge, she'll beat me up."

"AND I WON'T?" I yelled, eyes narrowing.

"You'll try," she said as she shrugged. "But you don't take karate."

My mouth opened and closed like a fish trying to get air. Only air came out. I closed my mouth and swallowed before trying to speak again. "But... But I don't..." I choked out.

Ivan set a shotglass of clear vodka in front of me "Drink some vodka, defender of men." He smiled at me, so widely his eyes were almost closed. Have I mentioned it was creepy? Well, it was. "It is very good, and I drink more than this all the time."

"I really don't drink anything like this," I mumbled.

"Don't drink that un-awesome shit!" Gilbert said. "Good German bier is better any day!" He flung an arm around my shoulders and swigged his beer. "Ignore that vergewaltigung[8], madchen[9]!"

"Kolkolkol..." A purple outline seemed to surround Russia. "Kaliningrad, it does no good to insult me. She is my comrade."

"I'm so sure," Gilbert snorted, going back to sit on the couch. As far from Madge as he could get.

"Just do it," Madge sighed. "It's one shot."

Damn peer pressure. I took the cold glass in my hand and brought it to my mouth. I threw my head back and swallowed. The liqour burned as it went down. "Oh, geez," I coughed.

"NOW WE DANCE!" Audrey shouted. She leaped to her feet and turned on the TV, where DDR waited. "Who's first?" She looked at me.

"I'm just... gonna eat some Oreos..." I said, sitting back and nomming on a delicious chocolate cookie with cream filling.

Audrey looked at Madge.

"HAHA, no," Madge said, crossing her arms.

"Okay, fine." Audrey looked around. "Oh! Hey, Iggy! You look like you could do some dancing! _You_ can verse me!"

Arthur paled. "Actually, I really would rather-AH!" I got up and grabbed his hand, hauling him to the mat.

"You can do this, Arthur!" I said, letting go of his hand when he stood on the mat. "You're England! Surely you can dance well!"

Arthur stared at me for a second before smiling softly. "Heh, alright, love." He tossed his hat gently onto the chair. "It's on!"

I backed up as they started.

...

Maybe I shouldn't have encouraged Iggy like that. He was kicking ASS. But Audrey was going to blame me. It wasn't _my_ fault, right?

"Player 2 wins," the game said. Iggy grinned and bowed first to me, then to the group. We clapped and laughed. His grin was goofy and proud.

"I blame you," Audrey accused, pointing at me. "It's your fault."

"How is this _my_ fault?"

"_You_ encouraged him," Audrey said. She threw back a shot and glared at me. "He would've lost if you weren't all, Oh, Iggy, I _believe_ in you!"

"I never said that," I muttered.

"You meant it. Are you in _luuuuuuv _with him? Do you_ luuuuuuuuv_ his hot English accent?" She grinned evily at me.

England spit out his rum. "What the bloody hell are you talking about?" He gasped, patting his shirt free of the rum.

"N-no!" I yelled, face red.

"Sure you do! You love him! You wanna marry him~," Audrey sang, dancing around me.

"Q-quit acting like a child," Arthur tried to scold her.

"You wanna marry him~. You wanna have his babies~. Or maybe you wanna marry Al? Or Ivan? Or maybe even the awesome Gil? You're in l-o-v-e loooooove!"

"BE QUIET," I yelled, launching myself at her and tackling her to the ground.

Audrey laughed as we rolled around on the floor and I tried to flick her on the nose like a dog. I felt myself being lifted off of her by a pair of hands on my waist.

"The hero says you fellow citizens shouldn't fight!" Alfred said, setting me down.

"Shut up, Al," I mumbled, crossing my arms. I was still pissed. And embarressed. I gave her a venemous glare.

"That was AWESOME," Gilbert laughed, falling off the couch in his laughter.

"Calm down, love," Iggy said, looking at me in concern.

"I think it's the vodka, da?" Ivan seemed on the verge of laughing.

"Yes, yes, it's all good and hilarious, but could we continue the damn DDR?" Madge asked. "I wanna go against Mattie next."

So the game continued, with laughs and more drinking. I began to get a little fuzzy after the third shot Ivan forced me to take.

"Now who goes?" I asked. Everyone execpt for Ivan had gone.

"I think it's Russia's turn to suck," Madge snickered, looking at him.

"If I go, then Sasha will go with me, da?" Ivan asked, ignoring Madge's jab. For now.

"Go kick his ass, Sash," Madge said.

I finished the last shot Ivan was making me drink and hit my head against the desk.

Gilbert smirked. "I want to see this."

Ivan got up and went to Player One's mat. I sighed and went to the second mat. After choosing the song, we began to dance.

WHATISTHISIDON'TEVEN?

Ivan was break dancing. BREAK FUCKING DANCING. And winning. HOW CAN YOU BREAK DANCE AND STILL WIN AT DDR? I stopped dancing altogether and just stared at the unholy... unholy... THING. He danced and used his hands to spin and yet somehow HE WAS PRESSING THE BUTTONS WITH THE SONG.

"Heh.. heh... HAHAHA, IVAN THAT IS MORE AWESOME THEN PRUSSIA THINKS HE IS," I laughed, falling backwards to crash into both the chair and Mattie. "Oh... oh... sorry, Mathew... I can't... I can't..." I tried to speak, but my voice only came out in gasps between laughs.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN MORE AWESOME THEN I THINK I AM?" Gilbert shouted, glaring at me. I ignored him.

"I-it's okay, Sasha," Mattie said softly. "Um... are you okay...?"

"HAHA NO I DON'T THINK SO, PFFFT." I was laughing so hard my eyes were beginning to water.

"Defender of men? Are you feeling okay?" Ivan leaned over me, looking surprised at my sudden change in attitude.

"Yo! Calm down there, dude," Alfred said, eyebrows furrowing.

"Love, maybe you should lay down..." Arthur looked really worried.

"Quit being so unawesome, Sash." Gil rolled his eyes.

"Haha... I think I'm drunk..." I giggled, slowly sliding off the chair.

Everyone looked at each other and raised their eyebrows. Hey, this was _their _fault!

"Oi, oi, pass me that vodka," I said, standing up and grabbing the bottle. I poured myself another shot and took it.

"Maybe you shouldn't..." Madge said, slowly taking the bottle.

Dude, her face was hilarious. I smacked her face softly. "Hey... heeeyyyyyy... who do you think, thhhhhink... you are?"

"YES, FINALLY," Audrey said. She pulled me to a stand (when did I fall down...?) "Now it's time for fun. IVAN!"

"Da, Audrey?" Ivan asked, pausing in his poking of my cheek.

"I challange you to a drinking contest."

Wait, hold on. I don't think she should do that. Ivan was... Ha... haha... "Hey, hey guyzzzz?" Everyone turned towards me. "I lovez you guys..." I went up to Gilbert and hugged him. "You are awesome~. And, and, aaaannnnd, Iggy?" I turned towards him. "You. You are so coooool. You should be an arg, arrrrg..."

"Wh-what?" Iggy asked, his eye twitching.

"An ARG. A pirate. Arg, arg..." I put a hand over my eye like an eye patch and tackled Iggy. "Pirate you is hot. Hoooott. Hhhoooootttt-t-t..."

"Uh, Sasha," Iggy said, trying to push me off. "I think you've really had enough."

"AND THE HERO!" I shouted, hugging Al's legs. "Dude, you're... duuude. We went to the moooooooon! Moooo!" I burst into more giggles. A shadow went over me and I looked up to see Russia.

"Kolkol... defender of men, I think I should put you to bed."

"IVAN," I screamed in joy. I leaped up and latched onto his back. "You, hehehe... gosh, you're such an alcoholic. Bad Ivan. Bad." I tapped him on the nose. "Heheh... You have. A. Big. Nose. It's huuuuuuuuge!" I fell off his back and covered my mouth. "I think I'm gonna be sick," I moaned. I ran into the bathroom and lost my stomach into the toilet.

Jasper, my large fluffy Newfoundland, padded in. He laid his big head on my knee and looked at me with his sympathetic eyes.

"Aww... there goes my chocolate, Jasper," I pouted.

**-/Hetalia/-**

I woke up the next morning, my head pounding. My mouth was dry and tasted nasty. I licked my bone dry lips and opened my eyes.

Huh.

This was wierd. I was in a tangle of bodies on the living room floor. How did this work? My head was using Ivan's stomach as a pillow. _My _stomach was being used as a pillow by Gilbert. Alfred was hugging my waist, snoring loudly. Mathew's legs splayed across my own. And then there was Audrey, who was drapped across Gilbert's gut. After a few mintues I located Madge, curled into a ball next to Mathew. We were a sight.

Yet where was Iggy?

"Oh, you're up, pet?" Arthur's voice came from the direction of the kitchen. I turned my head to see him sipping tea and walking towards me. "How're you feeling?"

"Bad enough to think your whisper might make my head explode," I muttered. "Make it stoooop."

"I don't suppose you could get up? I have some things that would help," he said sympathetically. Just like my dog last night. Just with, uh, speaking. Speaking of Jasper, he was the one sleeping on the couch. How did that work again?

"I'll try," I whispered. I slowly edged my legs out from under Mattie's, then unwrapped Al's arms. I picked up Gil's head and sat up, putting it back down after I got up.

"Good manuevering. Feel like steering the ship on my next pirate excursion? Arg?" England handed me a glass of water and two asprins with a grin.

"Oh, so you remember that," I said sheepishly after taking the pills and swallowing half the glass. "Sorry. I wasn't really myself at that moment."

Arthur snorted. "I noticed. So, what all can you remember?"

I thought for a minute. "Um... the beginning of Ivan and Audrey's drinking competition."

He looked as if he was about to laugh. "So you don't remember Audrey making you and Alfred help her? She was practically throwing the shots at you two. She lost when she threw up all over the kitchen floor. Ivan wasn't even looking drunk."

I leaned to the left, trying with dread to see behind Arthur.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I cleaned it up," Arthur said with a smile.

"Whew. Thanks, Arthur. What would I do without you?" I broke into a grateful grin.

"She might've won if Gilbert would've helped. He refused to drink the shots," he chuckled. "Gilbert has a srtomach of steel as well."

I sipped my water slowly. "Anything else?"

"Hm, well, you're lucky you don't remember the kareoke. Alfred sang." Iggy shivered. "But nice choice, suggesting American Idiot for me to sing."

"Oh. Well, I try."

"Oi, Sash, you gonna make some breakfast?" Gilbert appeared beside me. "I'm hungry."

"Ha! You're such a noob, Gil! Sash can't cook crap!" Alfred appeared at my other side. "It's quite simple. We have to go to Micky D's!"

"Kolkolkol... I do not think so," Ivan said, placing his hands on my shoulders.

"Ugh, I'm with him for once," Madge said. She walked in front of me and crossed her arms. "No thanks to McDonald's."

"I agree with our hero!" Audrey ran next to Al's side, nodding crazily.

"NO, AUDREY," everyone except for Al and Audrey shouted at the same time.

"How about Mattie makes us pancakes? Is that okay, Matt?" I turned towards the quiet nation.

"Yes, I think I could-"

"Kesesese, AWESOME, MATTIE!"

"Spasibo, Mattvie!"

"The hero still wants McDonald's..."

More arguing began and I just sighed. Would these people ever agree? At the climax of the argument, there was a knock on the door. I looked at it, let out a large groan, and dragged my feet towards it. I opened it, revealing a man I HAD JUST SEEN LAST NIGHT.

"Hey there, Sash!" Asher stood on my porch, grinning and leanng against the crate he had for me.

"You did not. Just do. What you did. Just then." My eyes narrowed at him and I held the doorknob tightly.

"Uhhh... what?"

"I know you're not here with another unit after just giving me one last night. Wait, no. After giving me _two _new units yesterday."

"Heh, sorry. It arrived. I had to bring it in." He gave me a 'what'cha gonna do face' and shrugged.

"No, no, don't _shrug _at me. I don't want your shrugs. I want you to stop bringing these damn units! I'm going crazy as it is! I don't need anymore!" Ow. My hand flew to my head. Maybe I shouldn't have yelled.

He just laughed. "Sashie, I've been punched, had things thrown at my head, and had units attack me. Your hungover yelling that's hurting yourself isn't doing much good at this moment. Take the damn unit." He held out his signature pad which I grumpily signed. He passed me the small box and hauled the big one inside. With a tip of his cap, he was gone.

Grumbling angrily, I opened the envelope. "No, don't give me a break or anything. I can't even think anymore. One more unit's going to make me lose my-THE FUCK? THIS IS A TRICK, RIGHT?" I read and re-read the title.

'Ivan Braginski: User Guide and Manual'

"What's wrong, Sash?" Madge looked over my shoulder and dropped the toast she was nibbling on. "No. Way."

"How can this happen?" I shouted. "ASHER. _ASHER, DAMMIT!"_

"What's wrong, comrade?" Ivan plucked the manual from my hands. He looked confused for a second. "Another me... ?"

"I can barely handle you, Ivan," I wailed, wringing my hands. How was I going to do this? Two Ivans? Surely they'd let me return this second Ivan! Double the fear for my life! I couldn't cope with-

"Um... m-may Russia come out now?" A small, little boy voice came from the box. It was slightly stuttery and quiet. "It... it is very dark and scary in here..."

What? Everyone stared at the box. I leapt towards it and tore off the top.

There, sitting on the packaging, sat a small boy. His violet eyes were big and a bit frightened, and his silver hair was messy under his hat. His scarf covered his mouth, his large nose poking out over it. He sniffled.

"Um... como?" My mind had reverted to my one year of Spanish schooling. [12]

Little Russia stood up and his gloved hands gripped the side of the box. After looking around, his eyes settled on me. "Um... um... privyet."

"... Privyet?" It sounded more like a question than a hello as it came out of my mouth. Cute. So. Very. Cute.

He wiped his nose with the back of his hand and continued staring at me with his purple orbs. "Are... are you Mother Russia?"

**-/Hetalia/-**

[1] - Do I really need to put here what it says? 'Cause I can read it... =3

[2] - PASTAAAAAAAAA~~! XD Sorry, sorry...

[3] - I have a scarf like that! :D It's so pretty~.

[4] - Bum means butt and fag is a cigarette. XD Just using my limited British vocabulary~.

[5] -... Don't judge me. XDDD I found it on YouTube. It's from some movie. It should be Al's theme, huh? =D

[6] - YES EIGHT IS LATE IF YOU DON'T CALL FIRST. Geez. DX

[7] - I once told you there would be a shopping expedition. And there will be. Soon. ^J^

[8] - I needed an insult, and all I had was a German to English, English to German dictionary from my school's library. I almost used kidnapper, but then I remembered my friend Atama, and a story she wrote, and then a conersation with my friend Jenny. And so. This insult means... RAPIST. :D

[9] - Means maiden, girl, and so on...

[10] - This is actually from the dub. When Ukraine gives Russia his scarf and in exchange asks for some land or something he says, "My sister's a nutjob..."

[11] - Como means what in Spanish. XD Well, que means the official what. Como is more polite, and also means how. SPANISH CLASS, MAN.

So, everyone's favorite albino has arrived~. I love Gilbert. I'm going to have fun with him! :D So is Audrey. XD I feel like this chapter wasn't that good. Sorry about that, guys. ^^;;

Ooh, cliffhanger! XD Little!Russia has also come. Two in one. To make up for my absence. And just because he's adorable. :D I seriously love him. DON'T YOU~? :DDD

My internet still hasn't returned. I'm uploading this at the library. Library Wi-Fi, thank you.

You know the song 'American Idiot'? Well, Weird Al (HA! As in Alfred? Pffttt...) made a parody called 'Canadian Idiot'. Awwww, yeeeaaaah. :D

Also, also in music, I found this song called 'I Can't Decide'. Listen to the chorus, and tell me who it reminds you of. Not what the rest of the song makes you think, because that might change your mind, but the chorus. I can't stop listening to it (the whole song). It's Prussia-worthy. XD

Dang, you guys were lucky I was even able to write this. Why? I've been reading a bunch of books in present tense lately. Last time I did that and tried to write, I kept accidently writing in present tense. XD What do you people think? Would this story have been better if I had written it in present tense?

LAST THING, I SWEAR. Maybe. Have any of you read Eyes Like Stars? I just finished it not long ago. Too bad I can't find Perchance to Dream ... Okay, the reason I bring it up is because there's this pirate named Nate in it. AND DAMMIT, I COULDN'T STOP IMAGINING HIM AS PIRATE!IGGY. He's supposed to be long haired and tan, but all I see is scruffy-headed big-browed Iggy. So if Bertie and Ariel get together, I will curse her. ;-; Anyone else ever have that problem when reading a book? You imagine someone that just barely fits the criteria, maybe even from Hetalia? And if you haven't read Eyes Like Stars and you find it, make sure to read it.

Well then, hasta-la-bye-bye! Review, and wait patiently for the next chapter! X3

... I lied. Go read my friend Atama Ga Kuru Teru's _The World Is Ours_. It's a really good story, and not actually a unit fic. It really good. She has like more than one hundred reviews already. There's a modified Sasha there! XD


	8. Filler Chapter 1: Fangirls Plus Hetalia?

And here it is. The first Anime Convention filler chapter. What, you ask? What is going on?

Let me explain. Filler chapters are not related to the main story, and yet happen at some time within the actual story. If you want the full experience of these chapters, you'll want to read EliteKissu's side of the story. You can read that side on her unit story, called Why Me. It's hilarious, you'll like it. JUST DON'T LIKE IT BETTER THAN THIS ONE, OKAYZ? :DDD

How did this come along? Hm, I'll tell you. Ever since I started this story, I've imagined Sasha and the units being chased by screaming fangirls. I told my one friend who enjoys Hetalia and she was all, DUDE, DO IT. But I wanted to make it special. Fun. The keenest thing since sliced bread. :D So, I talked to the author of the very first Hetalia manual story I read. EliteKissu. She agreed to do a collab. Now, this could be hard work, so I hope YOU APPRECIATE THIS, YOU GUYS. But it'll also be fun, so I really hope you enjoy these filler chapters. The time line here is really messed up, since in Elite's story summer is over and Kara's already back to school, but in this one summer's just started. So maybe... if you go forward as much as you can in this one without Sash geting more units, and back as much as you can in Why Me without Kara losing any units, AnimeKet would be there somewhere. xD

To do this I had to PRINT A DAMN COPY of Elite's chapter at the library, so I don't get any details wrong. I had to borrow a dollar from my friend since I forgot my printing money. D: Then I had to make the font like size eight so I could fit it all on five pages (costs twenty cence to print one black & white page). I need internet so bad. ;-;

Over seventy reviews! I'm so proud and happy! :D Keep reviewing, I love them~. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU.

My tongue is burnt. It hurts. DX

Hey! The dubbed movie, Hetalia Paint It, White, is coming out in November! I can't wait, must beg to pre-order!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or the manuals. Capishe? :D

**-/Hetalia/-**

"BIG SISTER SASHA, HEEELP!" Little Vanya's (the nickname for little Ivan) screams penetrated all the way into my room where I was sleeping. Suffice to say, I woke up.

Mumbling angrily under my breath, I went downstairs. As soon as I think I get just a little peace, something happens. Oh, Sasha, I'm hungry. Oh, Sasha, the Wii won't work. Oh, Sasha, I think Flying Mint Bunny sprained his wing. I'll sprain your wing the next time you wake me up like that, Artie! I passed Arthur reading, Alfred watching TV, and Ivan playing solitaire.

That left one culprit. As usual.

Vanya was lucky he was cute.

I walked into the kitchen, and I saw Gilbert slam the fridge shut and stand in front of it. "Hey there, Sash," he said nervously.

"Gilbert?"

"Yeah?"

"Where the hell is Vanya?" I tapped my foot, waiting for an answer.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Gilbert leaned on the fridge.

"Gil, I heard him. He woke me up. Where. Is. He?" I walked toward him with each word. At the 'he' I poked him in the forehead.

"Kesesese, you'll never get it out of me!" He slapped my hand away.

"Sister Sasha, I am in here, da!" The voice came from behind Gil. What? There was no way. The fridge was behind-

"OH MY GOD, VANYA!" I pushed Gilbert away and threw open the refrigerator to reveal small Vanya shoved into it. The shelves had been removed and put somewhere, and Vanya was stripped down to his underwear. He was shivering and almost blue.

Gilbert was laughing behind me, slapping his knee. "That is some awesome shit right there! Kesesese, that midget's HILARIOUS."

"IVAN, GILBERT LOCKED VANYA IN THE REFRIGERATOR!" I scooped Vanya into my arms. Gilbert paled.

"Dude! I thought even you weren't that stupid!" Al poked his head into the kitchen.

"You know you're an ignoramus when Alfred calls you stupid," Arthur said, turning the page. He didn't even look up.

"HEY, DUDE! OFFENSIVE!"

Ivan's large frame suddenly filled the kitchen doorway. "Kaliningrad, you locked little me in the fridge, da? Kolkolkol..." He hit his hand repeatedly with his pipe, his outline looking purple.

I leaned over to Gil. "Run," I whispered.

Gilbert broke into a run, shooting past Ivan. He skidded as he turned to run up the stairs. Ivan was right behind him, grinning maniacally.

"Spasibo, Sasha," Vanya said, smiling up at me. "I wish Gilbert would be my friend..." He looked a bit sad. Yeah, because EVERY nation wanted PRUSSIA as an ally! Oh, you can just see the sarcasm coming off me in WAVES, can't you?

"Um... I don't think that'd be a good idea," I said under my breath. "Anyways, where'd Gilbert put your clothes and the fridge shelves? And the food would help too."

"In the thing up there, sister Sasha!" He wiggled out of my arms and dropped to the floor, pointing to the cupboard right above the stove.

I opened it up and gave Vanya his clothes. I tried to put the shelves back in, but after a lot of cursing, smashing my fingers while trying to slide in the shelves, and spilling pancake batter everywhere, I yelled out, "DAMMIT, GIL! COME AND DO THIS YOURSELF!"

"THE AWESOME ME IS KIND OF BUSY RUNNING FOR MY LIFE RIGHT NOW, SASHA! VERDAMMT, GET AWAY, IVAN!"

I sighed. "I can't do this..." I looked at the fridge in dismay.

"Hey, the hero'll do this for you!" Alfred came in and grabbed one of the shelves from me. "I'll use my incredible strength to do this."

"Really? Thanks, Al." I smiled at him and received his heroic grin back. I went to the sink and washed off the batter that I had been hit with and wandered into the living room with my little adorable stalker.

"You know, all that cussing wasn't very lady-like, love," Arthur commented as he read. "With that mouth you could've been a sailor."

"Oh, so I passed the first test for being a pirate?" My mouth twisted into a half-grin.

He looked up with an amused look. "Oh hardiharhar. You know I don't do that anymore."

I just shrugged, still grinning. For some reason I wasn't in a half-bad mood despite being woken up because Gilbert had shoved Vanya into the fridge, then being unable to fix the fridge, and spilling batter everywhere. Weird.

"Big sister, I am glad to see you are not so uptight right now! You always seem to be in a bad mood," Vanya informed me, tugging on my pajama pants.

Who knew an adorable midget could know so much.

"Yeah... guess I am," I said, frowning. "Sorry. I guess."

"It is fine, da? I like you anyways, sister! Oh, it is Jasper! Privyet, comrade Jasper!" Vanya ran towards Jasper and hugged him around the neck while Jasper tried to lick him in the face. Vanya laughed and petted his friend. He loved that dog so much. Jasper loved him right back, but I wasn't quite sure where it came from. When they first met, Jasper had barked like crazy.

I looked up and saw Ivan walking down the stairs. "I cannot find Gilbert. He is a very large coward, da?" He patted Jasper then Vanya on the head on his way towards me. "Defender of men, I apologize."

"It's fine, Ivan. Pretty sure you freaked him out enough."

"The hero has accomplished his mission!" Al slid into the living room. "It. Is. REPAIREEEED!"

"Thank. YOOOOOOU!" I held up my hand for a high five.

Alfred high-fived me then fist pumped. "You couldn't have done it without me! America!"

"I am pretty sure I could have done it faster and better, da?" Ivan announced to the room.

"That a challenge?"

"Da."

"THEN LET'S DO THIS!" Al and Ivan went to the kitchen to dismantle my fridge and fix it again.

It was the Great Space Race all over again, but with fixing my fridge.

Okay, whatever. As long as they fixed it again. I hummed and started to search for Gilbert. "I'm so lucky, lucky. I'm. So lucky lucky. I'm, so lovely, lovely. I'm. So lovely lovely~." I sang as I searched.

"... Is Sash singing?" I heard Al whisper.

"Da. She is pretty good, do you not think so, Amerika?"

"Yeah, just... what'd she do with the old Sash?"

"You can fool yourself, I promise it'll help~." I glided into the kitchen and sang that line to Al, poking him in the cheek. "I. Am in a good mood. For once."

Alfred's mouth fell open. "Seriously, dude?"

"Seriously, dude," I said solemnly. "I'm, so lucky lucky~! I'm, so lucky, lucky~. GIL, WHERE'D YOU GO?"

"Mein Gott," Gilbert gasped as he came into the kitchen. He held a pillow, which I imagined he had been using as protection with Ivan. "Is that Sasha's singing mein ears are hearing?"

"YES. Is it so hard to understand?" I rolled my eyes. "Anyways, will you please stop messing with Vanya?"

"Kesesese. Nein, mein freund."[1] Gilbert was speaking really quietly so Ivan wouldn't hear him. "It's too damn fun."

"Well, don't mess up the fridge again. And I suggest leaving him alone for your own sake." I danced off, away from everyone's stares.

There was a knock on the door. I continued to hum the lucky song as I answered it.

My arch nemesis Asher stood there. But all he had was an envelope. "Howdy, Sash!"

"Uhh... howdy?" I tilted my head. "Watcha got there?"

"Another prize." He grinned and waved the envelope under my nose. "I think you'll like this one."

"Oh, really? Like I liked the last few prizes you gave me?" I was really liking the sarcasm today.

"No, no. You might actually like this one. We enrolled your name in this contest, and you won. Want your prize or not?" He waggled his eyebrows playfully, holding out the envelope.

The suspense was killing me. "Gimmie," I said as I snatched it out of his hand. I tore into it, keeping an eye on Asher's expectant face. I froze at the contents.

"What'd you win there, pet?" Iggy was right next to me, curious.

I think I broke everyone's eardrums with my following fangirl scream. Jasper ran upstairs whimpering, Iggy, Vanya, and Asher winced, and Ivan, Al, and Gil came running into the room.

"What's in there?" Al asked, rubbing his ear.

I hugged Asher. "YOU ARE NO LONGER MY NEMESIS."

"Huh? Neme-what-now?"

I looked into the envelope again, counting. I let out another squeal. "I have to call Audrey! And Madge! And work[2]! Must ask off!"

"WHAT IS IT, WOMAN?" Al asked, shaking me.

A grin spread across my face. "15 three-day passes to AnimeKet in Seattle." The lucky song causes miracles.

**-/Hetalia/-**

I wonder if it would be suicide if I threw myself off a cliff into the mercy of the breeze. I mean, I'd put down a trampoline. I'd just, you know, miss.

When I called myself 'lucky', I'd forgotten what would happen when you shoved Madge, Audrey, the nations, and me all in one private cart on a train. Oh, and my boss. Remember how 'she be crazy?' Yeah, well she is. She begged me to give her an extra ticket when I told her why I needed the weekend off.

So now Jenny was with us as well. Also, I figured out her actual age. She was only nineteen, and she already had her own cafe. Albeit a strange cafe, but still...

"THIS. IS BAD ASS," Jenny said, bouncing in her seat.

"Totally! What luck was this!" Al was splayed across a whole seat, my iPod in one ear.

"Yeah, luck," I sulked.

"Be happy, Sash," Madge said, petting Kumajiro. Mattie had also tagged along.

"Yeah, guess you're right," I said, sitting up a bit straighter. "I mean, I HAVE A FIVE POUND BAR OF CHOCOLATE [3]!" I had got it before we got on the train to cheer me up. I rummaged around my backpack and pulled out the giant, king of all kings, god of chocolate bars. I held it above my head and received ooohs and aahhhs.

"Comrade Sasha, will you be able to eat that all? It is almost as big as you are, da?" Ivan looked at the bar, then back at me, then to the bar again.

I laughed. "Probably. But I'm gonna be a nice person and share."

"Yum," Audrey said, licking her lips. "This will be fuel. We need fuel."

I tried to break up the chocolate bar. "Uuuurgh. Break, damn you. BREAK!" It was too thick. I tried to karate chop it, but that only earned me a sore hand. "Ohhhh, mother of all things holy," I gasped, cradling my hand and rocking back and forth.

Alfred and Gilbert cracked up, pointing and laughing. "Smart move there, Sash," Gil snickered.

"Totally genius," Alfred added.

Madge looked at them, pointing to each in turn. "So... are you guys reverting to friends since the other two-thirds of the Bad Touch Trio aren't here and Al just has no friends in general?"

"I HAVE FRIENDS," Alfred protested.

"Somebody better break this damn chocolate bar before I just eat it all myself!" I shoved the bar at Arthur. "You're being quiet! You break it!"

"How am I supposed to break this bloody thing?" Iggy held up the chocolate. He stared at it intensely. "Am I supposed to do some black magic on it or something?"

Madge plucked it from his hands. "Mattie! Use your Manada powers to break it!" She tossed it to him and he barely caught it.

"You make him drop that, I kill you," I informed Madge. She stuck her tongue out at me.

"I WANT THE DAMN CHOCOLATE ALREADY," Audrey cried, punching Mattie in the shoulder.

"Come on, Mattvie!" Both Russians chimed in at once.

The one time we recognize Canada, we're yelling at him to break our chocolate bar. Poor Canada.

"I'm not sure I can break this," Matthew said softly, knocking on the chocolate.

"MANADA POWERS!" Audrey said, punching him again.

"M-maple!"

"If you don't leave Mattie alone, you'll be eating through a straw," Madge said, "Now sit back down."

Audrey, grumbling, sat down.

Mattie tried to break the chocolate, pulling desperately. "Maaaapleeee!"

It didn't break. "I think that's the loudest I've ever heard you, Matt," I said as I took the chocolate from him. He smiled sheepishly at me.

"That chocolate is indestructible," Jenny laughed. "Can you even bite into that thing?"

"Yeah, I've had one of these befo-"

"OH MY GOD, JUST GIVE IT HERE!" Alfred snatched the chocolate from my hands and broke it effortlessly. He made it look like it was butter. He broke it again and again, until there were enough pieces for everyone. He handed it out, trying to keep the biggest piece for himself.

"Nuh-uh-uh," I said. "Give it here."

"But I broke it! Shouldn't I get a reward?" He held the chocolate to his heart.

"Yeah, but it's my chocolate that I bought with my money. Gimmie." I beckoned with my hand for the chocolate. There was no way Alfred was getting the biggest piece. I needed that chocolate.

"No way!"

"Iggyyyyy," I whined, leaning over and tugging on his shirt. "Al's being a meanie!"

"Alfred, you're not being very gentlemanly. Give Sasha her chocolate," Arthur looked exasperated. "And Sasha, please don't call me Iggy. And you could stand to be more polite about it. Maybe asking please?"

Al and I stared at him, before bursting into laughter.

"The bloody hell is wrong with you?" He sounded offended.

"Gentlemanly-schmentlemenly," Alfred chuckled. "I'd rather have the chocolate."

"And asking please? Please! That wouldn't help me at all at this moment," I sniggered, covering my mouth.

"Nutburgers! All of you!" Arthur shoved his nose into his book. His eyebrows furrowed dangerously, threatening to make a unibrow.

"Is calling people names really gentlemanly?" Jenny asked, her arm circling Arthur's shoulders.

"I don't... I mean... Er- It's not..." Iggy stopped trying to explain himself, flustered.

"Thought so," she whispered, patting his shoulder.

Alfred went to take a bite of the chocolate, and I stood up. "NO! It's mine."

"What'cha gonna do about it, huh?" He pulled down his bottom eyelid and stuck out his tongue. "You gonna come and take it from me? Ha!"

I looked down beside me. "Ivan?" The sadist looked up, smile playing on his face. He raised an eyebrow at me, and I could see Al freeze. "Please help me. Please?"

Ivan put his hands on his knees and pushed himself up, towering over the sitting down America. "Of course I will help you, comrade Sasha." He gave me a pat on the head. "So, Amerika, you will being giving up the chocolate now, da?"

Alfred unfroze and stood up. He wasn't too much shorter than Ivan, but he still had to look up at him. "Nope," he said, his eyes narrowing behind Texas, "You'll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands, commie."

Ivan's grin widened, threatening to take up his whole face. "That can be arranged, da?" He grabbed Al's shirt and dragged him out onto the connection between trains.

"... You don't think he'll really kill him?" Jenny asked.

"NOOOO, MY AMERICAAAA!" Audrey sobbed. She hugged Gilbert, crying on his shirt.

"That's not very awesome," he muttered, patting her back awkwardly.

"I hope he's not that much of an idiot," Madge said, rolling her eyes.

The door banged open, and in walked Ivan, dragging Alfred behind him. Al's clothes were disheveled and Texas held on by one ear. "Take the damn chocolate," he said, shoving it at me. He sat down and fixed his glasses. Ivan sat down next to me, smile fixed on his face.

I stared at the chocolate and sighed. "Here, take it." I tossed it to him. He brightened and threw me the second-largest piece.

"Thanks, dude! You're not too bad!" He bit into the chocolate with enthusiasm.

"Yeah, yeah, I felt bad." I gave him a crooked smile and turned to look out the window. I took a small bite of the sweet block and let it melt on my tongue, the taste spreading in my mouth. It was early evening outside.

AnimeKet in Seattle. I had been to two other conventions, but not this particular one. Both other times I had been cosplaying Hetalia with Madge and Audrey. We were headed to the convention at a high-speed, and my excitement just kept growing. I tried to hold back a yawn, my jaw stretching. I had to let it out, my mouth opening wide. Since I got the tickets a day ago, I had been up, calling everyone and just being over-all excited.

For once, I won something I enjoyed. My luck was terrible, and I had never won anything at all before winning the units. I didn't hate any of them, but sometimes they just really got on my nerves. I was going to have fun, I was going to relax, and I was going to enjoy myself. I yawned again and rubbed my eyes.

"Big sister, are you tired?" Vanya peeked up at me from the other side of big Ivan.

"Hm? Yeah... I haven't gotten much sleep."

"We have a few hours before we get there," Arthur said, "You can go ahead and take a nap, love."

"Really? Good." My eyes were beginning to flutter shut. I leaned against Ivan's shoulder. "Do you mind?"

"Nyet, go right ahead, defender of men," Ivan said, smiling.

"Thanks," I yawned. I closed my eyes, letting sleep take me.

Next thing I knew, I was being shaken gently. "Sasha, we're here," Arthur said quietly.

"Five more minutes," I groaned, burrowing between Ivan and the seat.

"C'mon, Sasha! This is going to be great!" Alfred poked my back.

My eyes opened and I came out from behind Ivan. "Great." I smiled and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.

**-/Hetalia/-**

Wow. The hotel we were to stay in, right next to the hall where the convention was being held, was amazing. It was most definitely a four star hotel, and we got to stay for free.

Booyeah.

Wonder if they had a pool.

We went up to the receptionist desk, where a smiley man stood.

"Um... we're here for the convention? I won this trip from Flying Mint Bunny Corporation. Sasha Collins?" I said all this very softly. I hated going shopping or hotels for the reason of talking to the people behind the counters. I never knew what to say.

"Yes, we have you right here. Here's your room key, you are in room 60, enjoy the convention please."

"Wait... did you say room key? Not rooms?" Iggy's eye twitched.

"There is no way I'm sharing a room with the damn Russian!" Madge protested.

"I'm sorry, but if it's any consolation, the room is large enough for twenty people. It is very nice." He gave me a room key, then handed an extra one to Arthur.

"I cannot believe I have to share a room with Ivan," Madge said, glaring at Ivan.

"Agreed," Gil and Al said at the same time.

"I am not happy about it either, da?" Ivan said. His grin had faltered.

"You get near me, I'll smack that grin off your face," Madge growled.

"I did not plan on nearing you, but I would like to see you try, comrade." He looked about ready to 'kol'. They walked off, still arguing.

"Big sister, are you coming?" Vanya looked up at me with his big purple eyes. Cute.

"I'll be right up. I'm going to look around real quick." Vanya nodded and ran off to catch up with the others. I glanced around and let everyone get on one of the elevators. I needed a break. Madge and Ivan were giving me a headache.

After checking out the lobby a bit, I got onto an elevator. I kept pressing the sixth floor button, but THE DAMN DOORS WOULD NOT CLOSE. I punched the button repeatedly. "WORK, DAMN YOU," I yelled. I smacked it one final time and the doors slowly began to close. "Haha, yes!" Four star hotel my ass. They needed a mechanic.

"I CALL THE BED!" I heard a shout heading towards me. I stepped back as a girl with short brown hair and a tomboy-air ran in. The doors slammed shut, and she leaned on the elevator wall with a sigh. She looked up and seemed to notice me. "Hey."

"Hi," I said softly. I was still tired from my nap, and I didn't usually socialize.

She looked like she was about to say something when the elevator doors opened at my stop. When she looked down at her card key I slipped out. I felt nervous talking to new people sometimes if I wasn't with my friends. Some people called me shy.

I called it an annoying-ass setback.

From the corner of my eye I saw her get off the elevator just in time before the doors closed. I scanned my card and entered the room to find Ivan and Madge throwing punches at each other.

"KOLKOLKOL."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BASTARD."

I stared at them and my mouth fell open. WHAT HAD HAPPENED HERE?

Everyone was watching, not doing anything. Audrey was sitting on the bed, sipping a coke. She looked at me when I entered. "Sasha! Quick, pop the popcorn!"

What the h-e-double hockey sticks? I thought she'd gone insane. "HOW IS THAT GONNA HELP?" I screamed, my eye twitching violently. Iggy must've gave me is twitch.

"Oh, it'll help. I'm starving!" She took a swig of her coke.

I facepalmed and threw myself onto one of the empty beds. I pressed the pillow into my face and screamed.

Please let tomorrow at the convention be better.

**-/Hetalia/-**

The first day of the convention I posed myself a question:

Could things get worse?

The obvious answer that I should've known in the first place:

Why yes. Yes they could.

"Is that... PRUSSIA?"

"OH EHM GEE, AMERICAAA, MY HERO!"

"RUSSIA! RUSSIA, I'LL BECOME ONE WITH YOU!"

"CANADA, I SEE YOU!"

"ENGLAND! I LOVE YOOOU!"

"LITTLE RUSSIA! SOOOO CUUUUTE! I JUST WANNA HUG YOOOU!"

It's fangirl chaos.

Why did I not think of this simple fact? The 'hot' Hetalia crew + fangirls = what? FUCKING HELL. \par

Things were relatively normal in the hotel lobby. People complimented the nations on their costumes. But right when we came into the first room in the convention, a girl wandered up and told Gil how much she loved his costume.

Stupid stupid stupid! "Kesesese, oh please! This is not a costume! I'm simply the awesome Prussia!" And he said it loudly. SO. VERY. FUCKING. LOUDLY.

That was the first cry.

And so the chaos ensued.

"Big sister Sasha, I am scared!" Vanya cried, his eyes tearing up.

We ran, and the fangirls chased us. I looked back to see a familiar face.

"AUDREY GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THE MOB!" I screamed.

"But-"

"AUDREEEEYYY!"

"FINE!" She sped up and caught up with Jenny. "RUIN MY FUN, DON'T YOU?"

I ignored her. I could still hear the fangirls screaming.

"PLEASE COME BACK, PRUSSIA!"

"NO, ENGLAND FTW!"

"SORRY, BUT THAT TITLE GOES TO CANADA!"

From farther off I heard a few strange ones.

"GIMME THAT SPANISH ASS!"

"FRANCE! FRANCE, MON AMOUR!"

"SWTIZERLAND, I LOVE YOU!"

Weird. Were people seeing things?

I skidded to a stop in front of a man with dark brown hair and a tan face. WHAT THE?

"Antonio Carriedo?" I gasped.

"Hola, senorita," he said in a dazed way.

Another nation ran past me. A second Iggy. Then an Al. I was turning insane, and quickly. Must be the stress. I looked back to see the mob closing in. In front of me, Ivan was just standing there.

"IVAN, START RUNNING!" I ran up to him, only to see someone I recognized.

"What's up?" The girl from the elevator, who had another Ivan holding onto her shoulder, looked at me.

"You're the..." We said at the same time. Then the fangirls got even louder and we looked at each other. She pointed off to the right. "Let's go this way!"

I nodded frantically, too scared for my life to question her. We ran like crazy, our two groups merging.

The fates just love screwing with me.

**-/Hetalia/-**

[1] - No, my friend. I think. I can't find my damn dictionary. DX And I need to find it to recheck it out 'cause it's due and if I lose it I'll owe around fifteen bucks. Dang it. ;-;

[2] - Bet you people forgot she got a job. XD It'll be involved more in later chapters.

[3] - This is a wish of mine right now. We got this selling thing at school where we could win a five pound chocolate bar. I never win those things, though. DX My luck is terrible, and I suck at selling things because I have no one to sell to.

Watching Addams Family, where they dance the Mamushka. First thing I thought? Oh, it's Russian! I think... Cossack dancers are Russian. YAY RUSSIA. XD

Well that was fun! My writer's block vanished for now! :DDD

I WAS EATING COLD FRIGGIN' RAMEN THAT'S HALF COOKED BECAUSE MY STUPID MICROWAVE BROKE. ;-; With a fork. Because I couldn't find a spoon. I was in a really weird mood, so I was pretending to sob into my ramen... Yyyeeeeaaaahhhh... X3

I am pissed at Russia right now because of this stupid school project. His culture and history is difficult to find on a creditable site on the interwebs, so I'm probably just going to use books. AND I LOST MY RUSSIAN SPACE PROGRAM NOTES! *sobs* They took me three days! Verdammt!

I hope you review. Have a very Fanfition-y day! =3


	9. The Solution of Audrey

Welcome to chapter seven, everyone! Are you happy to be here? I know I am~. I've had so much fun writing this. But as I write this, I'm in pain! ;-; Today I was bored. I had nothing to do, and I really didn't want to type even though the ideas flowed like crazy from the night before where Nerds were my best buddies and I got a mad sugar high. So after playing some old DS games I've beaten tons of times aimlessly for about an hour and a half(Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days, Animal Crossing:Wild World, and Legend of Zelda Phantom Hourglass, respectively), I decided to do the proper teenage girl thing and mope around the house. I mope my way into the living room, where my step-dad's sitting at one of the chairs watching TV, grab a pillow and press it my face, and fall into the couch. Not only did I get yelled at for 'jumping on the couch', but I landed way wrong. My elbow went between the couch cushions and hit a wooden post. I was so close to crying. My eyes were tearing up. It really hurts to bend and unbend it, and therefore this typing kinda hurts. D= FEEL LUCKY, GUYS. I AM PUSHING THROUGH THE PAIN TO DO THIS!

I HAVE A BIG ANNOUNCMENT~~. (This man is gay AND European, and neither is disgrace~. You gotta- er, sorry. ^^;; Gay or European from Legally Blonde the Musical. Good song, good song... There's various different Hetalia AMVs to tha particular song, actually.) My friend, Avrel the Teller (or Twiggy, Twig, Twigleg...), whom Madge is based on, is doing a companion manual fic to this! It's called "What Nonsense Is This?". It's really funny, from Madge's point of view. Twig is a very good writer, go check it out! She's doing it to help her start writing the Hetalia crew in character. It's hilarious, and she's already got three chapters up, with the fourth one coming up very soon. It could already be up for all I know. The link's on my page!

As I write this, I've finished the first chapter for my new story. So listen to my shameless self-plug and go read and review it. Pleeeaaaseee? Every one's favorite German is there~. No, not Prussia! Okay, yeah, he's technically German, but he's PRUSSIAN. Germany, the nice place! XD

Ugh, my radio/alarm clock really likes being a bitch. There is ONE good station on it, and it takes thirty minutes of adjusting the tuning rotater and moving around the antenna to get it in with the slightest static. And-damn, I don't even think I'm on the right station. But if I am and I fidget with it, it'll take forever to fix... *sighs and goes to fix it* ... I think I was on the right station. DX BUT I FOUND THE SPANISH STATION. XD

Disclaimer: Blahblahblah, own NOTHING other then my various OCs. The manuals are by Loli Dictator.

**-/Hetalia/-**

"Mother Russia! Mother Russia!" Little Ivan came running down the stairs, his little legs hopping down each one. He held my cell phone in his hand. Oh, I had forgotten it upstairs?

I sat on the couch, browsing the manual that had come with little Ivan. They had sent me adult Russia's manual, so there wasn't much about young Ivan in it. I heaved a sigh before looking up at Ivan. "Ivan, I told you. I'm not Mother Russia. My name is Sasha. SA-SHA. Say it with me. Sasha."

Ivan nodded happily. "Yes, see, the name Sasha is perfect for Mother Russia, because it means defender of men, da? Nevermind that it is for a boy!" It had been two days since I had gotten him, and he still insisted on calling me 'Mother Russia.' It made me feel old.

"I do not think little me will give up that easily, da?" Ivan (the big one, dammit. This was getting on my nerves) giggled, walking inside from the backyard. Jasper trotted in after him.

"Comrade Jasper!" Ivan (the small one!) cried. He launched himself at the animal that was almost as tall as him and hugged him. Jasper twisted around and tried to lick him on the face.

I groaned and leaned backwards on the couch. "Hey, Ivan?"

"Da?" The two Ivans spoke at once and turned to face me.

"Gah! Enough!" I said. I grabbed the manual and looked at the names. Well, Stalin's Bitch was out. "Little Ivan! How do you feel about going by Vanya?"

He looked thoughtful. "That is fine, Mother Russia. It would help the confusion."

"Okay, good. You are now Vanya." I nodded, relieved.

"Little Vanya. It fits, da?" Ivan looked down at his younger self. "Comrade Sasha, I am going to take a shower now." He was covered in dirt. He had probably been working with his sunflowers again. He started upstairs, leaving me alone with Jasper and Vanya.

Until Alfred came running into the room. "Dude! Dude! Sash!" He jumped up and down to get my attention, waving his arms. But was that _really_ neccessary? No, it was not.

"Hm. I guess I'll just take a nap... since nobody needs me," I said, looking around. Screwing with America, a great pastime.

Alfred's jaw dropped, his arms did the same, and his expression was priceless. "Wha.. what?" This was too good. I ruined it by bursting into laughter.

"What, Al?" I asked after recovering from the laughter.

Alfred glared at me for a second before adjusting his glasses awkwardly. "I... er..." He said something softly, which was nothing like him.

"What did you say?" I sat up straighter and looked at him with concern.

He cleared his throat. "I... have an M&M stuck in my nose." [1]

I just stared at him in disbelief. How is that possible? Did he just shove an M&M up his nose? Did he try to snort it like crack? _Did_ he take crack? "Are you high?"

"Huh? NO! The hero isn't HIGH! I just, um... had some issues." Now I noticed it. A small bump on the side of his nose. It was up there pretty high.

"What the fuck kind of issues cause _THAT_?" I shouted, pointing at his nose.

"The bloody fool was having a competition with this prat," Arthur scoffed as he walked in, pushing Gilbert in as well.

"Which, by the way, the awesome me WON!" Gilbert boasted. He grinned at us all.

"And what was the competition?" I asked, looking between Al and Gil.

"Well, we each put M&Ms in our noses and snorted them out to see how far they would go. Farthest won." ... Ew. Gross.

I smacked my forehead. "And?"

"Er..." Alfred began, "I kind of laughed, and one of them went out, while the other... you know... did this." He gestured to his nose.

A large exasperated sigh came from Arthur. "See what I've dealt with for hundreds of years...?"

"Fuck, that's funny shit," Gilbert laughed.

I glared at Gilbert. "Oh, shut up. I don't think that winning that game really is anything to be proud of. Why would you even play it?"

"Maybe if there was something fun to do, we wouldn't," Gilbert said.

"Don't make me kick you off my old laptop next time you're blogging."

After he shut up and scowled at me, I looked at Alfred. "... Come here, Al. Sit." I patted the seat next to me. He hesitated then sat down. I leaned over him and grabbed a tissue from the side table. I passed it to him. "Blow. Hard."

"That's what she said," Al mumbled (really, Alfred, really?) before blowing into the kleenex. I pressed my finger against the side of his nose above the M&M and pushed down slightly. Soon the M&M shot out of his nose into the tissue. He pulled it away and stared before turning to me. "Thanks so much, dude!" His face was inches from my own, his eyes sparkling. He gave me large smile before hugging me tightly.

"Yeah, yeah..." I mumbled.

He pulled away and stood up. "Well, this hero is going to go into the basement and play that old SNES that's in there." There was a SNES in the basement? (What? I hadn't been down there, because it really freaked me out.) "Gil, Iggy, you coming?"

Gilbert and Arthur looked at each other before shrugging and following Alfred into the hallway that held the door to the basement.

I laid my head on the arm of the couch and watched Vanya play with Jasper. He glanced up at me, seeming to remember something. "Oh, yes. Mother Russia, comrade Madge is on the cellular phone. She wishes to speak to you," Vanya said, pointing at the phone on the ground. "I am going outside with Jasper." He shoved open the door as I stared at the phone.

"SHIT." I threw myself half off the coach, reaching for the phone. If I left her on the phone too long and she hung up, I'd never hear the end of it.

NEVER. On her death bed she would say something along the lines of, "If only Sasha hadn't left me on phone... I would have had a few more minutes of life to remember."

With my body half hanging off the couch, and the arm of the couch pressing into my lower stomach, I brought the phone quickly to my ear. "Hello!"

"Geez, my ear!" Madge hissed. "What's with leaving me waiting then the loud greeting? I don't really appreciate you bursting my eardrum."

"Er... I had some... issues. Then I yelled because I was afraid you might be hanging up," I said sheepishly, shoving myself back onto the couch.

I heard a sigh from her. "Sasha, listen carefully. See, when you're busy, the polite thing to do is to tell the person calling you, then call back later. It's not good to leave the person on the line for..." There was a pause as I suspected she looked at her watch. "Sixteen minutes. Do you understand?" She spoke to me like I was a three year old and she was explaining that hitting was bad.

"Wait, what was that about being busy?" I asked with spite.

"... You have issues."

"So do you." I was going to get myself murdered at this rate. I could practically hear her taking large breaths. Was she counting backwards from ten, too?

After about ten seconds (ha! I bet she was counting!), Madge spoke again. "Hey, I hope you're keeping that little Ivan away from the bastard him."

"Why would I do that?" I laid back on the couch, watching the fan on the ceiling. I kicked my legs in the air absentmindedly as I talked.

"Because little him is decent. I really don't want him influenced by older him."

I rolled my eyes, and suddenly someone else called me. "Er, hold on. I have another call. Give me just a second..." I took Madge's silence as a yeah, sure, of course, best buddy, anything for you, whom I have known since first grade! and switched to the incoming call. "Hello?"

"Sasha! Hey!" It was Jenny, my boss. Well, boss is a loose term. "Guess what!" Before I could even guess (and I had a good one. I was going to guess that rhinos had rampaged through the store and the only think that had survived was a coffee cake, and she wanted her favorite, and only, employee to have it. But noooo.) "Your uniform is finally done! Now you won't have to work in your street clothes!"

"... Oh, joy. Yay."

"I know, right?" Oh, I had said that aloud? Well, Jenny seemed to have completely missed the sarcasm there. "It's so cute! You'll look great in it. I'll be over in just a few seconds so you can try it on." And she hung up.

... What? I went back to Madge. "Um, I have to go. My boss is coming over..."

"Wait! I haven't told you what I needed to!" Madge said that sentence like it was important news.

I glanced at my door. "Okay, shoot. Quickly."

"First off, I love irony," she sniggered. "A new unit came to my house today. Say hello, Yao."

From far off, I could hear a voice. "Ni-hao."

"China," she said smugly as she brought the phone back to her ear. "Somehow I've managed to get two sane units in a row."

"Your luck's going to run out," I growled angrily. Not only a sane unit, but a sane unit that could cook. Out of all of the units that had arrived at my house, none were cooks. And I was paying for it. The other day I let Iggy cook, and the others all teamed up and locked him and me in the bathroom with the food, and then they used my money to order Chinese.

"Eh, we'll see. Also, Bridget's in town."

"Bridget? Your twin sister Bridget?" I said happily. Bridget was a fun person to be around, and _she_ didn't torture me like _some_ friends. If she didn't go to a boarding school, she'd be in our group. The great thing was, I could tell Madge and her apart. Even though they were twins, they didn't look too much alike. They looked like sisters, that was it. Whereas Madge's blonde hair was light and straight, Bridget's was slightly wavy and dirty blonde. Then her eyes were grey instead of blue, but they were the same height and build.

"No, my llama Bridget," Madge snorted. "Yes, my sister. She's coming over with me later. Which leads me to another thing. Audrey's dragging us, China and Canada included, to your house. She says it's important."

"Should I be worried?"

"Knowing Audrey, yes. Last time that happened we ended up on a road trip to New York for pretzels."

"Ugh, yeah, I remember that." That had been... interesting, to say the least. Audrey soon after she got her liscence had a craving, we saw a Food Channel special, and the rest was really all too scarring to speak of...

Just then the doorbell went off, and I heard Jenny call my name.

"There she is. See you later, Madge."

"Yup." She hung up and I slipped my phone into my pocket. I got up, dreading what I would have to wear while working. I like cute things. Really, I do. It's just I don't look good in cute things. At all. I opened the door, revealing a grinning Jenny holding a short mint-green and white poofy dress with an apron. It reminded me of anime dresses, and matched Jenny's work uniform other than the mint-green color.

... I think Jenny really is insane. Loco in the cocoa.

"Hey-o, Sasha. Look what I have!" She skipped in, shaking the dress at me.

"You dyed your hair again," I said instead of commenting on the dress. Now her hair was her normal sandy brown with streaks of lilac.

"Hm? Oh, yeah. I needed a change." She twirled a strand around her finger before throwing the dress a me. "Speaking of change, go change!"

I had been surprised by the dress assault and fell backwards to the ground. I quickly looked around for any of the guys an sighed in relief when I couldn't find any of them. "Um... I really don't think-"

"Silence! Listen to your boss, mon ami[2]!" Jenny pointed at me.

"Oh, bollocks," I heard from the hall. "Sasha, is that frog here now? I really do not want to go through this." Arthur emerged into the living room, scowling. "Oi, frog, leave Sasha-" He stopped midsentence when he realized Francis wasn't there but Jenny was. "Sorry there, miss. Did I call you frog? I thought you were someone else."

"You can call me frog any time," Jenny said quietly, smiling blankly at the Brit. Her eyelashes fluttered at him, and I just hit myself in the face with my palm at her obvious crush.

"Excuse me?" Iggy asked. He hadn't heard her.

She blinked. "Er... n-nothing!" She squeaked. "Um... I'm Jenny, Sasha's boss, and I'm trying to get Sash to put on her uniform. Tell her she has to!"

Thanks. So much. So fucking much. Bring me and the dress back into the conversation.

"Well, I..." He dropped off as he looked at the thing on my lap. "That's your uniform?" He raised a bushy eyebrow.

I nodded silently, afraid if I spoke I'd start freaking out. Because now that one of them knew, they would all know. And I would die of embaressment if any one of the guys saw me in it.

"Hey, unawesome one with the giant eyebrows!" Prussia ran into the room. "It's your turn on the SNES-hey, is that a dress?" He looked over my shoulder and stared at it.

"Her uniform. She won't wear it, Gilbert!" Jenny pouted, crossing her arms across her chest. "And I spent a long time thinking about what color is should be, then ordering it for her."

Gilbert smirked. "I'd like to see that on you, Sash."

"It can't be that bad, can it, pet?" Iggy said, looking sympathetic. He smiled softly.

"AAAUUUUUGGHHH," I groaned loudly. "FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS ." I grabbed the dress in one hand and dragged myself to the bathroom.

"Oh, goodie!" Jenny said, clapping.

As I closed the bathroom door behind me, I heard something I had been dreading. Something that made me mentally go into the fetal position, rock back and forth, and cry into my knee.

... Not to mention physically crawl into the tub and whine into the porcelain siding.

"HEY, ALFRED, UNAWESOME IVAN, TINY UNAWESOME ONE, COME AND SEE THIS! Oh, hey Yao! Audrey, you too. Hello, Madge. And hello there, new girl. How'd you like to see my five meters?"

"Gilbert," I heard Madge, "You get near my sister, that kick from the other night will seem like a love tap. And leave Canada alone, too!"

"Who? Kesesese, sorry, Mattie."

Everybody had decided to arrive right at that moment. I crawled out of the tub, muttering, "Fuck me sideways with a rusty spoon." Maybe if I just didn't think, I could do this. I stripped and pulled the dress over my head. It fell to half-way above my knees. The sleeves were short, and the apron was ruffled.

I felt like the newest member at Cafe Mew Mew. [3]

I took a deep breath and opened the door, walking out. I clenched my fists and looked down at the ground, my face blazing red as I came to a stop in front of everyone.

"Comrade Sasha, you look very pretty, da?" I looked up to see Ivan smiling down at me. He clapped his hands together happily. "You look very nice, like Russian girls who wear dresses often."

I looked around to see everyone staring.

"Mother Russia, I agree with big me!" Vanya said, smiling hugely.

"Sasha, you look good in a dress," Arthur said. "Why don't you wear them more often and be lady-like?" Alfred nodded really quickly in agreement, but then looked disgusted when he realized Iggy had said lady-like.

"I-I don't r-really... I-I'm not p-pretty, s-so there's no..." I stuttered under my breath, my face getting even redder.

"Kesesese!" Gilbert laughed and said with a thumbs up, "I'm glad I made you put that on."

"AIYAH!" Suddenly I was glomped by a man with long black hair in a ponytail who had shouted that word and I let out a scream. Yao(or China), because that's who it was, hugged me and rubbed his cheek against mine from our position on the floor. "It's so CUTE, aru!"

"MY CHEEK BURNS," I cried, trying to scramble away. Luckily, Yao got up and I ran behind Arthur.

"Madge, aru!" Yao hugged Shinatty to him and looked at the blonde. "Why don't you wear cute things like that?"

"I don't do girly," Madge said, staring at Yao with a raised eyebrow. "Does it look like I do?"

I took this chance and said, "Well, I'm going to change!" I ran out of there faster than a midget with his pants on fire. When I returned, wearing normal clothes, everyone sat on the couch or one of the chairs except for Audrey, who stood on the coffee table. My breakable coffee table that isn't supposed to hold people. "Audrey! Get off-"

"Sit your white-ass down before I force you back into that adorable dress and lock you in the closet with Prussia. No offence, Gil." Audrey smiled at us both.

"None taken," Gilbert said, grinning evilly at me.

I fell to a sitting position right on the floor.

"SO!" Audrey clapped her hands together and looked at everyone. "I have gathered you all here today-with one addition, what luck-to do something very neccessary. It is time to do the thing you've all been waiting for, the thing that could not be put off any longer lest I begin murdering people-clothes shopping!"

Crickets would have been the perfect addition to the group at this moment. Their chirps would have filled the uncomfortable silence quite well.

"Shopping," Audrey repeated. "Hello? We're going shopping. You guys can cheer now."

"... Shopping," Madge deadpanned. "You called us all here with an emergency to go... shopping? I called off bringing Bridget to the dojo and hanging out wih Caleb and Josh because of... shopping?" She sighed and pressed the palm of her hand to her forehead. "Why am I not surprised?"

Audrey just grinned at everyone in the room.

Well... there was a number of different reactions.

"Hey, the hero could go for that," Al said with a shrug.

"The awesome me would love that! That would be awesome!" Gilbert laughed and fist-pumped.

"Wha-Er... I really have all the clothes I need," Iggy mumbled. "I mean, I wouldn't mind having a few more vests or pants, but it's not neccessary..."

"I would not really like to go, da?" Ivan said, his smile faltering.

Vanya, on the other hand, was bouncing up and down in his seat. "Oh! Does that mean that I get to get more clothes? I would like more clothes! It would be fun, da?" He clapped his hands together.

"I don't feel like shopping..." Mattie said softly. I barely heard him, and Audrey didn't even look over at him when he spoke.

"Could I get some cute things, aru?" Yao asked.

"We're going to the mall! You guys could get anything you want!" Audrey said, hopping off of my coffee table and shrugging back on her jacket.

"Whoa, whooaaa," I said as I stood up, putting up my hands in the universal 'stop' position. She raised an eyebrow at me. "Who said we were actually going to do this? And who's paying for the guys without jobs?"

"_I_ said we were!" Audrey explained, making me want to hit my head against the wall repeatedly. "And obviously it'll be you or Madge, depending on whether they live with you or her!"

That's it.

"Hey, dude, why're you hitting your head against the wall?" Alfred asked, grabbing my shoulder and preventing me from doing so further.

"She did that the first time we went to go get vodka after Audrey and Madge left," Ivan piped up happily. I glared at him with one eye only to shrink back a second later when his smile widened and I thought I heard a 'kol' coming from his slightly parted lips. [4]

Yeah, I'm paranoid.

"So, who's going with who?" Audrey questioned, twirling a keychain on her finger. It was mine. I could tell because 1) Audrey didn't have a car, 2)Audrey didn't have the /guts/ to take Madge's keys, since Madge was extremely protective of her small little car, and 3) Because earlier Al had decided to clip on the little hamburger he had picked up at lunch the other day.

"Well, you can go with Madge," I said, snatching my keys from her hand. She gave me a look that could only be described as capital D colon in the world of the internet. Which she /knows/ is the face I have a claim on.

"But Sashaaaaa, I wanna go with you and your guyyyyyysss..." She whined, falling to her knees."And I rode with Madge heeeereeeee. And it was crowdeeeeeed. You know her beetle bug only holds four people weeeeell. There was five and I got smoooooooshed." She must've noticed Canada while on the way here, I thought, laughing inwardly.

"No," I said firmly. I was not going to be a push-over. Audrey was a terrible passenger. She back-seat drove and distracted you. I would already have enough trouble with the guys.

"Hey, Sash? Er... can I ride with you?" Bridget begged, clasping her hands together with her eyes sparkling. Oh, right. Prussia and America fangirl.

"... Alright," I sighed good-naturedly with a shrug.

"WHAAAT?" Audrey cried.

"So I have to keep Audrey and I loose my sister? Great," Madge muttered.

Audrey stared at her. "Thanks, Madge. Thanks a ton."

"Oh, you're very welcome," Madge said, snickering.

"So I guess I'll have... Bridget, Alfred, Gilbert, Arthur, Ivan, little Vanya, and Jenny?" I ticked them off on my hand as I named them. That was seven people. Luckily, my car could fit that many.

"Sounds right," Madge said. "That means I've got Yao, Mattie, and Audrey." She looked around at those who she got. "Oh, and keep Vanya away from that stupid Russian bastard."

"Yeah, yeah," I said, waving away her advice. I grabbed my hoodie and opened the door for everyone. One by one they walked out, in varying degrees of happiness. They went from ecsatic and pumped to muttering obcenities under her-I mean, their breath. "Yay, shopping," I said, rolling my eyes and shutting the door behind me. I got into the driver's seat of my car and looked around at the order. Once again, Ivan had insisted on sitting next to me. In the first set of back seats was Al on the right, Gilbert on the left, and a happy Bridget in the middle. In the back back Arthur was helping Vanya into his seatbelt while Jenny stared at the former pirate.

I started up the car and entered into hell.

_"I. KNOW A PLACE. WHERE THE GRASS IS EVEN GREENER~!"_ Jenny, Gil, and Alfred sang along with the radio, with Vanya humming along. Alfred poked Bridget, prompting her to join. And join she did, albeit in a quieter voice. _"WARM. WET AND WILD. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING IN THE WATERRR~."_

My grip tightened on the wheel, and I quickly shot my hand over to the radio and changed the station.

"Awwwww," the three instigators(Al, Gil, and Jenny) said. "Party-pooper," Jenny snorted.

"Totally not cool," Alfred said.

"Unawesome!" Gilbert agreed with Al.

And then began the other song.

_"HEY, HEY, YOU, YOU, I DON'T LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND! NO WAY, NO WAY, I THINK YOU NEED A NEW ONE! HEY HEY, YOU YOU, I COULD BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND. NO WAY. NO WAY. HEY HEY, YOU YOU, I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE ME! NO WAY NO WAY, KNOW IT'S NOT A SECRET."_ Now everyone that had sang before sang at full volume, and Russia had joined young him in the humming. Only Arthur looked annoyed along with me. My eye began to twitch and I pounded at the radio and sighed in relief when it came to a station talking about the weather.

"COME ON," Jenny, Alfred, and Gilbert yelled together. Bridget glared at me, and Vanya looked at me with sad eyes.

"What is wrong, comrade Sasha?" Ivan asked, looking over at me from where he sat.

"Distraction," I hissed.

"Biiiitch," Jenny breathed under her breath.

"I-..." I started to say something in my defense, but finished with a sigh. The car was silent other than the news as I drove. For a few seconds.

"Hey. Hey. Hey, tiny unawesome one." I looked in my rearview mirror and saw Gilbert twisted around in his seat, poking Vanya.

"Gilbert," I called.

"Gilbert, quit it!" Vanya squeaked.

"Hey, hey, little unawesome bastard. You think it would hurt if I tossed you out the window?" Gilbert laughed, nodding at the window next to him.

Vanya started to cry. "M-MOTHER RUSSIAAAA! G-GILBERT'S GOING TO THROW ME OUT THE W-WINDOW!"

My grip on the wheel became even tighter. "YO, GILBERT, IF YOU DON'T QUIT POKING HIM RIGHT NOW, TURN BACK AROUND, AND SHUT THE FUCK UP ALL I'M GOING TO BUY YOU WILL BE DRESSES."

Prussia turned around and glared at me, his mouth practically glued shut.

Alfred burst into laughter. "That would be insane!"

"As well as a provocation for Gilbert fangirls everywhere," I heard Bridget mumble.

"Huh?" Al turned to her, looking confused.

"N-NOTHING."

"You were this close to making me murder you, Gil," Jenny said, showing a small amount between her forefinger and thumb. "Little Russia is way too adorable for your bullying to not make me want to punch you."

Prussia just looked out the windw and non-chalantly put his hand in his pocket gently. There was a quiet peep and a flash of yellow feathers from his pocket, and I smiled slightly at how well Gilbert treated Gilbird. I suppose deep down he was a really sweet guy.

"Hey, unawesome bitch! Do we get to eat something? You made us leave before I could force Mattie to make us pancakes again! Kesese!" He was smirking.

... Deep, deep down. Very deep, deep, deep down.

"We can go to Mickey D's!" Al said happily, leaning forward and putting his hand on my seat. He looked at me from the side. His sudden closeness made me swerve.

"AH, AMERICA!"

"I do not think so, Americka," Ivan said, putting his large hand on the patriotic country's face and pushing him back to a sitting position.

"I hate you so much," Alfred said, glaring at Ivan and crossing his arms.

"The feeling is mutual, da?"

And just then the news decided to end.

_"WAKE UP IN THE MORNING FEELING LIKE P-DIDDY. GRAB MY GLASSES I'M OUT THE DOOR I'M GONNA HIT THE CITY_," Everyone sang along, except Russia, England, and me. I quickly shut it off again.

"THE HELL, MAN. AGAIN?" Bridget shouted, kicking my seat.

"WILL YOU CALM DOWN?" I screamed back. I shoved a CD into the player and mashed the play button down, all while still managing to watch the road.

Everyone was quiet for a minute, just listening to the song that played. It was a certain pasta-loving Italian singing about drawing a circle and that being the Earth.

"... THIS IS BEAST," Jenny yelled, laughing.

"Marukaite Chikyuu!" Bridget said, fist-pumping.

Just then another version came on. _"Oi oi Vati, biero choudai! Oi oi Mutti! Oi oi Mutti!"_

Prussia was half-crying from laughter. "Kesese! Mein Gott! I wish West was here!"

Yeah, so did I. Maybe he could help me stay sane.

"Who's up next? Who's up next?" America asked eagerly.

"Er... you, then Iggy, then Ivan, and then Gilbert's, then France's, China's, and Japan's. After that comes Buono Tomato and a very special song~." I sang, grinning. I might as well enjoy singing along, right?

And the whole way there we all sang, with even Ivan and Arthur joining in on their respective songs. When we arrived, Madge and the others were leaning against her car, watching us. As we got out, we were still singing the last song. "_YES I WORE MY RUBBER BOOTS, YES I WORE MY RUBBER BOOTS, RUBBER BOOTS AND PARTY PANTS, PARTY PANTS TO PARTY DANCE! SPARKLE PARTAY SPARKLE PARTAY. A VERY GERMAN SPARKLE PARTAY."_[5]

"... Good trip?" Madge asked, watching me get out and sing at the top of my lungs.

I quit singing and gave her a look. "No. Not really." She looked confused.

"You German Sparkle Partied without me?" Audrey asked, enraged. "How dare you!"

"It was pretty awesome," Bridget giggled, being tickled by a little yellow bird chirping happily against her neck. She scratched Gilbirdon his head, which earned her a happy chirp.

Madge stared at me with exasperated eyes. "You let her sit next to Prussia, didn't you?"

"Uhhh... yeah?"

"Great. Now I'm going to hear her talking about how 'awesome' everything is, including him. Thank you, Sasha. You've made my night." Madge turned to Bridget and just shook her head.

"Well, it was awesome!" Bridget protested.

Gilbert took Gilbird off of Bridget's shoulder, smirking at her. "Oh, how awesome I am?"

"... I SAID NO SUCH THING," Bridget freaked out. "MADGE SAID IT. SMIRK SEXILY AT MADGE, NOT ME." She pointed at her sister, who rolled her eyes.

"I don't know how we're related, much less twins," she told me. "Now are we going to go in or stand out here until it closes?"

"YES. ONWARD!" Audrey said, starting to run towards the entrance.

I watched as everyone glanced at each other, shrugged, then began running after Audrey. I ran after them, the slowest of the pack. Madge easily caught up and passed Audrey, grinning at her as she did.

Damn her and her "athletics".

We reached the inside of the mall, and before I knew it, it was just Madge and me.

"Dammit!" Madge cursed. "They just split up as soon as we got here!" She kicked a metal trash can, only to regret it and hop around on one foot.

Great. Now I'd have to go through all these fucking stores to find them.

"Maybe if YOU weren't so slow, you could've helped me keep them together!" Madge pointed at me, angry.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have anger-management issues?" I asked, gesturing to her foot, which she was holding a few inches off the ground. Then I realized that even the sensible ones were gone, and made a depressed face.

Madge was standing there, looking like she was fighting with herself not to punch me. "And has anyone ever told you that you're bi-polar?" She replied, noting my sudden expression.

"... Okay, that's not the point," I said. Yeah, maybe I _was_ bi-polar. But she definitely had anger-management problems. I pointed to one direction. "I'll go that way, you go the opposite way. We'll gather who we find, and then meet up at that... er... map at the front of the store, okay?"

"Fine," Madge huffed, beginning to limp in her direction. I snickered, and her head whipped around so she could glare at me. "Make one more fucking sound and I will punch you."

I zipped my lips and threw out the key with a shrug. I turned and started to jog in my direction.

I found Ivan first. He was in a pet shop. I walked in quietly, and saw him bending over a little girl.

... Creepy. I could just hear what he was saying.

"Privyet, little girl. You are looking at that little puppy, da?" Ivan looked at the little collie in the young girl's arms.

She nodded and hugged the dog. "Yeah! He's so cute! I love doggies!"

"Really? So do I!" Ivan smiled hugely. "I am Ivan. What is your name, little one?"

"Annabelle," the little redhead said. "I'm five." She held out five fingers, showing her age.

"You are a big girl, da? Annabelle, would you like to be my friend?" He crouched down next to her and she nodded. "Maybe you could come over and play with my other comrade's dog, Jasper."

My eyes widened and I ran over, grabbing Ivan by the gloved hand. "Ivan! We have to go!"

"What? Defender of men, this is Annabelle. She is my new comrade," the large nation said, grinning at me.

I started to use all my strength to tug him away a bit. "Haha, no! K-keep your head down, Ivan, there are cameras everywhere!" [6] I laughed awkwardly and continued to tug him out of the store. "Bye, Annabelle!" Once I got him out of the store, I let out a sigh of relief.

"What was that for, Sasha?" Ivan asked, staring at me confusedly. His face suddenly brightenedas he got an idea. "Were you jealous? Do not be jealous, little Sasha! You will always be my favorite comrade!" He engulfed me in another back-breaking hug.

... Well, I guess that was better than telling him he looked like a pedophile that was about to kidnap that little girl. Once he let me go a gulped in air. "Okay, well, we have to go find the others. Please stay next to me," I begged.

Ivan nodded. "I will stay by you, defender of men."

I continued my way through the mall, looking every which way and listening closely.

"HAHA, DUDE! THE HERO WON AGAIN! WHO'LL VERSE THE GREAT ALFRED F. JONES NOW?"

Well, I didn't need to be listening very closely to hear _that_. It was coming from the arcade along with all video game noises. I went into the dark room, looking around. I soon found him at a shooting game. At the exact same time he seemed to see me.

"Hey, Sasha! You can go against me!" Before I knew it, he had grabbed me by the front of my shirt and pulled me up next to him, in front of the other gun. "But I'll probably win, huh? HAHAHA!" I hadn't noticed it before, but a crowd of people surrounded him-and now us.

"Um... I really don't think I should," I said quietly, avoiding everyone's eyes. Alfred shoved the second player's gun into my hands. I noticed a pissed-looking Ivan in the crowd. Well, he was smiling, but still.

"Nonesense! Have some fun, dude!" He winked at me and started up the game. It was some sort of alien invasion thing.

"I'm not good at these..." I mumbled, looking at the gun in my hands with apprehension.

A large sigh came from Al. "Geez. Here, Sash." He grabbed my right hand and put the pointer on the trigger and wrapped my left one and the rest of my right hand on the base. "Now lift your elbow," he advised, wrapping his arm around me and nudging my right elbow up. "Got it?" he asked, his face inches from mine.

"Y-yeah!" I said, jerking away from him and pointing my gun at the screen. "Now you're going to get your ass kicked!"

Alfred laughed again. "Yeah, right." He leaned back over to his spot and lifted his gun as well. "It's on."

Well, he kicked _my_ ass. Royally. The end score was 12067 to 119.

"Man, you _do_ suck at these!" Alfred said, blowing the top of his gun and looking over at me from the corner of his eye.

"I already knew that." I scowled. "Now come on! We have to go find the others." I grabbed his jacket and pulled him off the platform for the game. A chorus of 'aw's' came from the crowd. "Al has to go, suck it up," I told them. I left the arcade, the two guys following behind me.

"That was fun!" Al said, grinning at me.

"I do not think my comrade had much fun," Ivan said quietly.

"No... it was kinda fun," I said, looking back at them both and half-smiling. "But we really do have to find the other guy-" I broke off when I crashed into someone standing in the middle of the walk-way. "Ow! Oh, I'm s-sorry." I touched my now-sore nose and looked up, only to find Mattie there, staring up at awe at the giant flat-screen hanging from the ceiling. And what was playing? Hockey, of course.

Matthew blinked and looked down at me. "Oh! No, I'm sorry, Sasha," he said softly. "I was just watching the game."

"It's fine, Matt," I said. "You just kinda ran off."

"I really am sorry. I hope Madge isn't too mad." He looked worried and wrung his hands, looking back at where we came. I smiled at him, thinking how Madge was lucky to have him.

"HOLD ON." I turned and saw Alfred stared at me with a gaping mouth. "I get dragged out of the arcade by a frowning Sasha, and Matt gets a smile and a shrug? HOW IS THAT FAIR?"

"He apologized. And he'll have to deal with Madge," I explained. "Now we still have some ground to cover this way. Can we get on with it?"

And then, with my three followers, I went on, now looking for Vanya, Gilbert, Arthur, Yao, Jenny, Audrey, and/or Bridget.

The next person I ran across was Jenny. She was just casually sitting in a Starbucks and waved us over when she saw us. "Hey, guys!"

"Jenny, what the hell are you doing just sitting here?" I shouted.

"Well, I was following Iggy, but I lost him. So I thought, "Hey, why not just relax?" And so I did." She took a bite of her chocolate cake.

"Ughh." Then I paused. "Iggy came this way?"

"Yeah. But, like I said, I lost him. Sorry."

"Well, let's go find him, then!" Alfred spoke up.

"You took my line," I deadpanned. "You're not supposed to be sensible."

Al just laughed. So, we were hot on the trail of Arthur? Good. We went on, with the addition of Jenny now. Before I knew it, we seemed to have reached a dead end.

"Well," I said, "Seems like Arthur isn't here."

"Comrade?" Ivan asked, tugging my sleeve. "I think that he is maybe in there, da?" I turned and he pointed to a pair of dark doors hidden in shadow. Behind the clear doors I could see skulls and old books, as well as a particular scruffy-headed blonde hidden mostly under a black cloak.

"Really?" I stomped over to the store and jerked the door open. "IGGY!"

Arthur jumped, his hood falling off his head and dropping the book he held in his hands. "Uhh... hey, Sasha!"

"Dang it, Iggy, why did you go off? I expected this of most of the others, but not you!" I crossed my arms angrily.

He looked sheepishly. "I'm sorry, love. I saw this store on the map, and I couldn't resist. It's a black magic store!" He stooped down and picked up the book and showed me the cover, which read 'The Blackest of Black Magicks'. He could see I was clearly unimpressed, so he slid it quietly back into the shelf. "I figured you'd be upset. So I got you this."

He stepped over to me and threw something behind my back. He slid his hands to the front of my neck, and there was a clicking noise. He stepped back, and I looked down at myself. It was a soft black cloak that flowed prettily down to the ground.

"Um... thanks," I laughed, smiling at him. He smiled back.

"... I want a cloak from Iggy," Jenny mumbled quietly so only I could hear her. I also ignored her.

"So I managed to find you, Al, Ivan, Matt, and Jenny. We've reached a dead end, so I hope Madge found Yao, Gil, Audrey, Vanya, and Bridge." I turned around, my new cloak swishing as I did so. "We better head back. Would you mind putting my cloak in your shopping bag, Arthur?" I looked at the paper bag he held in his hand.

"No problem at all, Sasha." He swiftly un-clipped it and stuffed it into his bag.

**-/Hetalia/-**

When we reached the entrance of the mall, I was relieved to see Madge already there with the remaining members of our group.

"Did you have as much fun as I did tracking them down?" Madge asked sarcastically.

"Ehhh," I 'eh'-ed, shrugging. "I suppose it wasn't half bad. So do we actually get to get the shopping over with now?"

"Yes!" Audrey said. She pulled some sort of elaborate map out of her short's back pocket. "Now, I've put together a battle plan so we can hit the best places with the sales, and so that we can get clothes that will suit everyone-"

"NO!" I shouted, wide eyed. "I am not walking all over this mall again!"

"But-"

"Er, why don't we just go to J.P. Benny's[7]?" Bridget asked, pointing at the large store that took up most of the first floor and even some of the second, who's main entrance was only feet away.

"That'll work," Audrey and I agreed.

"So, we'll head to the Men's Department first?" Jenny asked, looking around at the guys. "Then we could swing by the Boy's for little Ivan?"

"PLAN-SCHMAN," Al yelled, running into the store, "I'M FINDING MYSELF SOME CLOTHES."

"Awesome clothes, here I come!" Gilbert broke into a run after Al.

Everyone that remained looked at Madge and me. "... I'm waiting by the first downstairs cash-register after helping Vanya get some clothes," I said, grabbing the little kid's hand and walking with him into the store. Behind me I could hear Audrey talking about how she was going to make sure everyone got cool clothes. Whatever, she could do that.

"Mother Russia, you look tired," Vanya observed when we reached the boy's section.

I sighed and nodded. I had expelled more air in sighs today than I had all of last year. "Vanya, please, pleeeaaase. I'm not Mother Russia. Would she be tired out by this?"

"Um... nyet, I do not suppose so."

"So will you please call me Sasha?" I begged, kneeling next to him and gripping his shoulders softly.

"... Can I call you big sister?" He asked, looking at me with big purple eyes.

Damn me and my weakness for chibi cuteness. "Fine."

"Spasiba, big sister Sasha!" He cheered. He pecked me on the cheek, and I couldn't help but smile. "Now what should I get?"

"A few shirts and pants, two pairs of shorts, a hoodie, and a pair of sneakers," I said, those being the first things that came to mind.

"Alright!" Vanya ran off, and soon returned with his arms piled high with clothing. I took half the things from him, and looked through them. He got quite a few yellow shirts, and his hoodie was yellow. His shirts were mostly plain, but he did get one multicolored striped one, and a few others had dogs or numbers on them. One of his pants were overalls, which I couldn't help but think would look adorable on him. Being a smart kid, he also grabbed a package of socks and underwear.

"Good job!" I said, ruffling his hair. He beamed up at me, and we went to the check-out. Slowly everyone else scraggled in, each with their individual styles.

Alfred had came next, with his cart full of clothes. He had an assortment of super hero t-shirts, normal t-shirts, tanks, slightly too-large baggy jeans, and straight-legged jeans, two pairs of baggy shorts, a few sneakers, a baseball cap, a cowboy hat(oh, come on! That's just unnesscesary), three different hoodies, and a pair of large headphones with the American flag on them. In fact, one of his hoodies also had the American flag on it.

Gilbert had been close behind. First thing I noticed was that he liked skinney jeans. He had a bunch in different colors. Then he had a few graphic tees, a couple plain white or black shirts, two pairs of normal jeans, skater shoes, a purple short-sleeved leather-ish jacket, a hoodie, and a small checkered scarf. He had also grabbed a pair of headphones, these with small yellow chicks over them.

Arthur was right behind him, who, on the other hand, had a few pairs of brown pants, a few ties, a couple sweater vests, normal vests, then a few collared shirts. However, he did have a zip-up hoodie and two plain t-shirts. He had a few belts, one of which had the Union Jack[8] as the buckle. He also had a pair of black loafers, and a pair of white sneakers.

Next came Mattie, who really had nothing outstanding. A few plain shirts and jackets, and nondescript pants and shorts. Though I did like his soft-looking flannel shirts. No wonder no one noticed him.

Ivan was after Mattie, and he also had nothing really outstanding. He did get quite a few shirts in yellow, and his zip-up hoodie had a sunflower on the back. He got a few tanks as well, and he got another pair of boots. He only got a couple of t-shirts, with most of his shirts being long-sleeved.

Yao was last, with his clothes screaming 'cute'. He even had a Hello Kitty zippered hoodie. Please don't let him get beat up for that. He had the essentials that everyone else had got, and, for some reason, a track suit.

We paid(and now I was seriously broke. Like, ramen noodles every night broke. Gilbert really needed to look for a job. At least Arthur was looking) and got going. As we reached the now-dark parking lot, I looked over at Audrey. She was holding about five bags.

"You get something?" I asked. "What?"

"Nothing!" Audrey said, pulling the bags behind her back.

"Uh, oookaaay."

"Well, I'll leave now," Jenny said, looking over to her store across the street. "That was a strange time. Thanks for letting me come, Sash." She grinned at me and waved before jogging away.

"No problem!" I called after her.

Madge looked at her watch. "Okay, well, I'll take Bridget, Yao, Mattie, and Audrey so I can take Audrey home then just go home. Stay safe, Sasha."

"Mm-hm. You too."

"Bye, Sash!" Bridget said, grinning at me. "See you another time!"

"Bye, Sasha," China added.

"Yeah, good-bye, Sash," Matt said.

My guys and I went into the car. With a yawn, I started up the car and pulled out of the parking-lot.

"Tired, defender of men?" Ivan asked, watching me.

"When we get home, you can go to bed, love," Arthur said, "I'll tuck in Vanya and make sure everyone puts their stuff away."

I smiled sleepily. "Thanks, Iggy."

"That reminds me," Gilbert said. "Danke[9], Sash. That was awesome of you."

"Yeah, dude! Maybe tomorrow we can all go out for dinner. We'll pay," Al added.

Dinner tomorrow? I was just happy to get everyone home in one piece. Yeah, home might not be home anymore without the guys.

"HEY! I KNOW! THE HERO WILL DRIVE!" And Al threw himself over me and grabbed the wheel.

I started to scream as we jerked around. "THE FUCK, ALFRED? JONES, SIT DOOOOWN!"

"Nyet. I will drive, da?" Ivan also grabbed the wheel. Vanya and Arthur started to scream as well. Gilbert was the third one who tried to take the wheel. By then, I just started to pray.

Maybe we _wouldn't_ make it home in one piece after all.

**-/Hetalia/-**

[1] -... I don't even... *headdesk* It just popped into my head... I needed something funny... Maybe I should get checked for insanity.

[2] - French for my.. dear? My friend? One of those...  
>[3] - From Tokyo Mew Mew. There's this cafe, and they have poofy dresses and what-not.<p>

[4] - WHICH REMINDS ME. HOW DARE THEY TAKE OUT RUSSIA'S 'KOL' IN THE DUB OF PAINT WHITE? HOW DAAAAAAARE THEY? FUCK YOU, FUNIMATION, AND FUCK YOU, JERRY. FUCK. YOU. *pants* ... I was looking forward to it. DX THEY ARE FOOLISH FOOLS.

[5] - You gotta love the German Sparkle Party song. XDD

[6] - IF YOU KNOW WHERE THIS IS FROM, YOU WIN. XDD LIKE, I LOVE YOU.

[7] - Lawl. Parody of a particular clothing store, which I don't own.

[8] - This is England's flag. Also, I'm sorry if you don't like the descriptions of clothes. I couldn't resist. I felt like I owed you more than 'They all got clothes and we left.' D=

[9] - Thanks in German.

OH THANK GOD IT'S DONE. *falls to ground, twitching* That was so long. SO LONG. ;A; Originally, the main focus was going to be the /actual/ shopping, but I just couldn't handle adding much more meat to this story. It wasn't that funny, or good, but at least it's done. I had to force myself to type. -.-' Oh well, at least this monstrocity of a chapter is over.

Okay, so, you probably noticed I tried to get in some things in there. What things? Dang, I don't know what to call them... Er, not romance, but maybe pairing-possibilities? Like America helping Sash with the gun, jealous Russia, and England giving her the cloak? I'm not even sure if I'll put in a pairing. After I publish this chapter, I'm going to put up a poll to ask you guys what YOU think. Though, I can't garantee I'll use the number one result. XDD I would still really appreciate it. And originally I was just gonna focus on Al or Gilbert this chapter, but then I was just, "Eh, noooo..."

THE STEREOTYPE SONG. YOU MUST HEAR IT. SEARCH [APH] STEREOTYPE SONG ON YOTUBE FOR LAUGHS!

Hey, have you ever seen Kids React? Well, there's this new spin-off called Teens React. AND HOW AWESOME WOULD IT BE IF THEY REACTED TO THE FIRST EPISODE OF HETALIA? You guys should ALL suggest it! Then we might have a chance! =D

... I'm insane, dude. O_O I really, REALLY didn't want to type, but when I'm hyper, I type pretty well, right? So I ate some Cool Whip(it's the only thing we have sugary in the house-the pie ran out this morning), trying to pump myself up. I got pretty pumped, almost insanely pumped, so what did I do? I slapped myself and said, "YOU CAN DO THIIIIIIIIS!" (I'm home alone at the moment.) My cheek still hurts. TTATT I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY, BRIDGET AND JENNY. DAMN TROLL FRIENDS. AND TWIG FOR PRESSURING ME AS WELL. EVIIIIL.

Have you ever seen that Halls commercial with the soldier where he screams at the lady to not cough or sneeze? I just saw it again, and I thought, "Germany! What're you doing in a commercial? And old? And bald? And with an American accent? And with a name tag that says Ryan?" XDD

Right, so, I've finished rambling on! xD You guys who stuck with me this far, thanks. I appreciate it. And to those who just joined or recently joined, thanks to you too! I love every single review and alert. The only reason I haven't replied to reviews lately is because i's not been letting me. So danke, grazi, spasiba, de nada, merci, and all those thanks things! Please review!


	10. Dude! Surprise!

... Sup, bros? ^^;; YES, YES, I KNOW, I KNOW. I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN FOREVER. I'm sorry, okay? D'X I've had terrible writer's block and I've been so busy. Actually, I'm still pretty sure I haven't completely gotten rid of my writer's block. I wish it would be fun and just flow like it used to in the beginning. D= I would sit down and in a few hours I had the next chapter. But now I have to force myself to type. It's still fun, but there's parts where I'm all FUCK DIS SHIT I DUNNO WHAT TO DO. I guess that's life.

My friend Atama finished The World is Ours. It made me cry. Such a good story that I loved so much, ending? But I was so happy with the ending, too. I had thoroughly enjoyed that story. So that made me think. I want MY story to make people feel like I did at that moment. I want people to like it and be sad when it ends, but also be happy to finally get to the end. So if you guys will just keep reading, reviewing, and enjoying my story, I'll try to keep writing. I'm going to try to update semi-regularly now, with at least one chapter a month. Hopefully. Ah, and speaking of reviews, I haven't been replying to recent reviews. I'm really sorry. I was honestly thinking of giving up on this story and I couldn't bare to tell anyone or lie to my readers directly. But starting from this chapter on, I'll be replying to reviews again.

Anyways, my birthday was a while back! April tenth. I didn't get anything really big, but I had a cool party. And the WURST. XDDD I find it ironic that we had a BBQ with bratWURST and ITALIAN sausage. XD Oh, the strange joys watching Hetalia brings you~.

I should get started. Though I will add that I really hope Lolidictator gets some more manuals up soon.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or the manuals. I'm like a no-owning bawss. 8)

**-/Hetalia/-**

You know, I always thought surprise parties were for chumps. I mean, come on. You actually believe that EVERYONE forgot about your birthday and no one cares? Maybe I'd always secretly wanted one, too. But when the Fourth of July started coming up and I could see Alfred practically vibrating with excitement, I realized something.

Al IS a chump.

Even though his birthday is a national holiday here, I figured we could make him believe that no one cared and he wasn't going to get a party or any presents. Wouldn't it be fun, seeing the look of surprise and thanks on his face? He'd be so HAPPY when he realized we had actually remembered.

Thus the planning began.

First thing was first. I got everyone gathered in my living room while Alfred was at work.

... Why do I even try?

"Big sister Sasha! Big sister Sasha! Heeeelp!" Vanya cried, flailing against the couch cushions. He was being pushed against them by Gilbert's ass, since the albino was sitting on the tiny Russian. His voice was muffled and I could just barely make out his cry for help.

"Gilbert!" I put my fists on my hips, glaring at him. "Get the fuck off of Vanya!"

"Hm... nein! Kesesesese!" Gil laughed, throwing his head back.

"Gilbeeert," I whined, throwing my hands into the air. "You'll suffocate him!" I looked around desperately for big Ivan, but we were the only ones there at the moment.

"That was the plan, liebling[1]~," Gil sang, wiggling his backside. He smirked at me. " Besides, I'm not going to KILL him. I'm just going to sit on him until he passes out a little."

"SASHAAAA." I could hear Vanya sob my name. A tiny hand reached out and I stared at it, feeling ready to punch Gilbert in the face.

"Love, you wanted me?" I turned when I heard Arthur's voice behind me. He stood in the doorway, staring at the scene in front of him with eyebrows raised. "... What the hell is going on?"

"Iggy, Gilbert won't get off of poor Vanya!" I grabbed Arthur's sleeve and pointed at the laughing Gilbert on top of a struggling Vanya.

Arthur looked down at me for a few seconds. He then blinked and looked at what I was pointing to."Er... Oi, git," he snapped, "get off the child."

"... Well, if you say so... NO FUCKING WAY." Gilbert started to laugh again, bouncing a bit.

I glared at him. "Don't make me make you!"

"You want me to sit on you next, don't you?"

... Fuck him. Fuck him sideways with a rusty rake, the albino asshole. I watched him smirk at me again before he bursted into yet more laughter.

"Fuck, the look on your face! That's awesome!"

"... ARTHUUUURRRR," I sobbed, clinging to the Brit's shirt. "WHY IS HE SUCH AN ASS?" I fell to my knees, pulling Arthur's top half to lean down with me.

The blonde patted me awkwardly on the head. "I have no clue, pet. Now, er, can you let go...?"

"MEIN LIEBE PRUSSIA, I HAVE ARRIVED!" The front door burst open and there stood Bridget, my spare key in her hand.

If I ever said she was sane, I'm sorry. I lied. I lied out of my ass. I lied mucho. [2] My friends are all INsane. My own boss is insane. Whenever I'm away from a friend for an amount of time, I forget about their quirks.

Bridget set the foot down she used to kick open the door. "Ooh, what's going on here~?" she asked, wriggling her eyebrows at me. Huh? What the hell was she talking about? Honestly, I don't know anything anymore. "That's an ODD position you two are in," she added, seeing I wasn't getting it. She gestured to me and Arthur, and I quickly let go of him and he stood up straight, face red as he straightened his tie.

"It was nothing, pervert," I said, rolling my eyes. How is this person Madge's twin?

"Should I speak of this to Jenny? Your anglophile boss?" Bridge teased, grinning and poking me in the head. Sadly, she and Jenny were becoming fast friends.

"I'll bite you," I growled. My jaws snapped at where her finger had just been, and she squealed and pulled back more.

"... What's the first thing I hear when I walk in?" Madge came through the open door, arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. "I'll BITE you? Why do I even come over here anymore? Obviously I should just call the damn funny farm."

Now, that wasn't fair. It's MY job to complain about my insane friends, not hers. Before I could even come up with a scathing retort (and I would have! Definitely! It would have been great and... and... all scathing-y!), she froze and stared at Gilbert. "... Okay, now my thoughts are just confirmed. Gilbert, idiot, what are you doing?"

"Sitting on Vanya, dumbass. What does it look like? Damn, you act so high and mighty but you can't even figure that out, can you, you unawesome bitch?" Gilbert said leisurely, smirking lazily.

... Oh giddy gumdrops... He... he hit the nail on the head. Bridget and I glanced at each other, than at surprised looking Madge, and then we burst out into laughter, not able to hold it back. I pressed my hand against my mouth and gasped for air. "OH GOD... C-CAN'T... BREATHE... THAT... WAS AWESOME..." Madge snapped her head to look at us and glare at us, cracking her knuckles. Her face was the tiniest bit red.

"TRUTH HURTS, DON'T IT, HONEY?" I laughed, falling to my back. If she was going to murder me tonight, I might as well enjoy myself, right?

"You are the most awesome person ever and I love you," Bridget told Gilbert, wiping tears from her eyes. She crawled over and hugged his legs.

"Kesesese! And that's how it should be~."

"O-okay, everyone shut the fuck up," Madge snapped, her blush fading. "And you, Prussia, get off of Vanya. Before I make you."

"Oooo, I'm so scared." Gilbert yawned and bounced slightly. Vanya squeaked out with each bounce, making me remember why I was pissed at him.

Madge pushed her sleeves up. "You damn well should be. Now get off of Vanya, he's a nice kid."

Gil watched Madge closely, smirking lazily. "Bitch, I'm sure Jack the Ripper was a nice kid. Look what he turned out to be."

I'm starting to think he really hates Madge...

"DID I HEAR JACK THE RIPPER? WHERE IS THAT AMAZING MAN?" My sliding glass door slammed open and Jenny jumped in. My boss was so not a boss anymore. Now she was just another member of my misfit crew. A member who happened to own the cafe I worked at. And who apparently was in love with an ancient serial killer who sliced up whores?

"In the ground somewhere," I said. "Now help us get Gil off of little Vanya." That little ball of Russian cutenes must've been blue in the face by now.

"Huh? Gil's on Va-BWAHAHAHAHAHA." As Jenny caught sight of the two units on the couch, her mouth twitched and then she laughed like a loon on crack. With a side of nutso drugs. She pounded the couch with a fist, trying to breath. "Yes! Yes, Gilbert! THAT IS CALLED WINNING. FUCKING CHARLIE SHEEN STYLE. HIGH FIVE." She gave the chuckling Prussian a high five.

"Hey!" Bridget barked and her hug on Gil's legs tightened. "No touching the Prussian man candy, bitch! Go and yell at Sasha for getting touchy-feely with your Britsh boy!"

The laughing stopped and she turned towards me slowly. Ah fahkies fahkies fahkies...! This was the death of me. Good bye, cruel world. Life sucks and then you die. Slowly, she walked towards me until the short nineteen year old glared at me, less than a foot away. Her brown eyes narrowed, and she poked me in the stoamch. Hard.

"Hm? What's this? Did I hear Bridge correctly? What happened with you and Iggy?" Jenny raised an eyebrow.

Dammit, why was this so scary? This was almost as bad as that time I stole Madge's stick-weapon-thingy and threatened her with it. Oh gods I don't even want to remember that...

"Heh... nothing, Jenny..."

"... I will cause you Hell in the form of two tacos and a fake mustache."

Uhhh... excuse me?

"J-Jenny, calm down, pet," Arthur said, holding two hands out. Becaue he was the only one concerned for my safety, apparently. Everything SUCKS. Everyone can go screw cactuses.

Jenny looked calmed down and smiled at Artie. "Yes, good sir. Ten-four can do~."

I was saved from having to reply to that somehow (because the twitching Arthur in front of me wasn't, sure as tutti fruitti flavor is disgusting) by Yao walking through my front door with Mattie trailing behind.

"Ai-yah! That grown up Russian is crazy!" He shivered. "Madge, he's breaking into your car!"

"WHAT?" The blonde looked pissed as she ran out of the house

I'd hate to be Ivan.

"... Why will no one help me?" Vanya sobbed suddenly, his voice still all muffled.

"Because it's fucking hilarious?" Bridget, Gilbert, and Jenny all managed to say at once. I think there's some sort of crazy mind-freak shit going on about here.

Arthur and I glanced at each other as a bruised Ivan walked in, smiling, with a red-faced, mad, stomping Madge behind him.

".. .. What happened?" I asked suspiciously.

"Comrade Madge punched me. Kolkolkol," Ivan said, smiling. "And I-"

"You say it and it'll be more than your damned neck bruised," Madge muttered. She rubbed her arm, which clearly showed a nasty looking bruise spreading.

I snorted back a laugh. "Ivan, Gilbert's sitting on Vanya."

Gilbert paled and glared at me while Ivan's smile faltered. It quickly grew back, bigger than ever. "Oh, da, comrade? Spasiba[3], defender of men, for telling me. Oh, Kaliningrad~. I think you should let little me up~."

"... I hope he doesn't wound his face," Bridget told me. At the arrival of the Russian man, she had scooted over to me and stood up nonchalantly. "My poor beloved."

"It's his own damn fault," Madge said, making Bridget jump in surprise.

"I dont think it'd be very awesome to get up." Gilbert coughed awkwardly.

"Ah, I think-"

"THE PARTAY HAS ARRIVED." Ivan was interrrupted by the black-outfit clad Audrey bursting in.

"Oh, yep. You're definitely the "par-tay"." Madge shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"... Is Gil sitting on Vanya?" Audrey asked.

"Yep!" Jenny replied happily.

"I think you mean e-yup," Bridget said, nodding sagely. [4]

"NO," I screamed. "NO PONY REFERENCES. I CALLED YOU ALL HERE FOR A REASON , DAMMIT. AND IT WAS NOT FOR PONY REFERENCES, MY PONY LOVING FRICKEN' FRIEND." Everyone stared at me. "... Though I love me some Bic Macintosh," I added softly. More staring. "Alright, if you're going to all stare, Ivan, get Gil off of Vanya, Jenny, go close the door you decided not to close, Audrey, close the OTHER door, and Bridget, can I have a glass of water?"

Everyone shrugged and did what I asked as I sank into a chair with a sigh. Jasper came out of hiding and rested his chin on my knee. I rubbed his head and sighed.

"Here, Sasha. Sorry," Bridge said sheepishly, giving me a nice cold glass of water.

"Thanks," I said before gulping down the water. It soothed my throat, which ached from yelling.

"Podruga, are you alright?" Ivan asked, putting his hands on my shoulders and leaning down to look at me.

"'Course," I said, looking at him. In fear. His hands were on my shoulders. Do you know how much pain he could cause me? My poor shoulders. "Uh... where'd you put Gilbert?"

"Oh, Kaliningrad?" he chuckled, straigtening up. "He is in the toilet."

"NOOOO, MY LIEBE!" Bridget cried out and ran to the bathroom.

"How the Hell am I related to her?" Madge asked no one in particular, watching the Yin to her Yang run off frantically.

"I ask myself that everyday," I informed her. "How could such a nice, push-over-y, happy person who is a mind-whore be your twin?"

"Watch it, friend," she said with a smile. Scary.

I looked away and watched Bridget bring Prussia back into the living room, a towel on his silvery white hair. "Okay, seems like everyone's here. I, um, have something to say." I made to stand up, but Russia's grip was iron on my shoulders. "I-Ivan, can you just let go...?"

"Da."

I tried to stand up again, but once again it was impossible. "... Will you let go?"

"Nyet."

"Pray tell, Ivan, why?"

"My podruga, we have not been friendly in so long~," Ivan sang, hugging me against the back of the chair. Oh boy. Here death comes. Also, that sounded wrong.

"That sounded wrong," Bridget pointed out. Way to voice my inner thoughts, Captain Obvious.

"Ivan's just wrong, period," Madge added in a deadpan.

"Ivan, let go!" I inisisted, wiggling and turning back to glare at him. "You're so... so... so clingy!"

"Kolkolkol..."

And now instead off two arms around me, there was one arm and one pipe against my windpipe. I felt the cold metal press against my throat, making me swallow dryly.

"Defender of men, that was mean." He was smiling, though his eyes flashed dangerously.

I was wondering when that little warning of DEATH on his manual might affect my life. I coughed. "S-sorry, Ivan... So sorry..."

"It's fine, da?" Ivan chirped happily, standing back and pulling me to my feet. He ruffled my hair, pipe gone.

I swear, he's bipolar. If it hadn't just saved my life, I'd hate it. "Uhh... right. Th-thanks... Er... BACK TO TOPIC." I interrupted the whispering and snickering among the others. Oops, I'm so sorry, were you too busy talking about my brush with death back there? "The fourth of July is coming up. And that's Al's birthday."

"No shit, Sherlock," Madge said snidely. "It's only been a holiday for hundreds of years."

"Shut the fuck up, Watson," I snapped. Awesome comeback, if I do say so myself. "ANYWAYS," I added, glaring at Madge. "I want to throw him a surprise party. I feel like he'd really like it. You know, after the despair of us all "forgetting" his birthday."

"I did not forget, I just do not care," Ivan piped up with a grin.

"How am I supposed to pull off forgetting that bloody day?" Arthur crossed his arms, furrowing his bushy eyebrows. "That day was terrible."

"Just do it, Iggy," Bridget said. "Al deserves a surprise party. I'm in, Sasha. Good idea."

"'Course I'm in!" Audrey grinned. "Alfred's my main man."

Madge shrugged. "I guess I'm in."

"... I do like parties." Gil smirked and leaned back in his chair. "Let's do it. I'll bring the awesome."

"W-well, he is my brother..." I jumped a bit as Mattie spoke up. I forget he was here. "So of course-"

"I'll help, aru," Yao said with a smile, interrupting Canada. Not because he's rude, but I don't think he saw him... as usual.

"Sure. I'll join in, but where's this party going to be?" Jenny raised her eyebrows.

"... We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," I said, a twitchy, fake smile covering my face. "Ivan, Arthur? Please?"

"I do not like Americka, defender of men." Ivan looked torn, his smile fading a bit.

"And I hate that day, love," Arthur said, looking less mad and more apologetic.

"Please? Please please please? I'm begging! I'm begging on my kneeeees." I literally fell to my knees and clasped my hands together. Iggy looked awkward, while Ivan just smiled down at me. I fell forward onto my stomach and grabbed each of their shoes. "If not for Alfred, for me? I really wanna throw this party!"

"... Fine, pet," Arthur sighed. "If you want it that badly, I'll play along." He gave me a small smile and pulled his foot away, giving another sigh. Like a "I cannot believe I just gave into that bloody nutcase of a girl" sigh.

"Maybe, comrade," Ivan said with a grin, crouching down. He put a gloved hand on my head softly. "But if I do this, than on the day of Alfred's party, you have to stay next to me. No matter what, da?"

I blinked, rather confused. "Um... okay, Ivan." Sorry, Al...

"Oh, good. You're all mine on the day of his birthday~." His smile widened, making me cringe.

"... Sounded wrong," Jenny and Bridget chimed together, giving eachother a high five without even looking at eachother. They should be the twins, not Madge and Bridge.

Ivan pulled me to my feet, and I quickly turned to the others. "... Present shopping now?"

"HUZZAH!" Bridget fist-pumped and jumped on Prussia's back. "Away, my albino!" Madge facepalmed.

... Bridget is really not sane.

**-/Hetalia/-**

It was the Fourth of July, and Alfred was in a whiny emo angst. A violent whiny emo angst.

"Sashaaaaa! How could you forget it was my birthday!" he cried, shaking me back and forth by my shoulders. I felt like a ragdoll. "It's a giant damn holiday! With fireworks!"

I shrugged, which was actually pretty difficult at the moment. "Sorry, Alfred. I just forgot." Not that it was easy to "forget", with America dropping hints every goddamned day since the end of June. The worst one was when he taped a picture of himself on the inside of my bedroom door and wrote "JULY FOURTH IS ALFRED'S BIRTHDAY, DUDE" on a poster taped under it. Yeah, that was great. Waking up, yelling at Alfred to get out of my room, and walking nonchalantly through said door. I had to stop myself from chuckling as Al's mouth literally dropped at my obliviousness that morning a few days ago..

"So no presents? No party?" He looked like a kicked puppy dog, and his hands slid off my shoulders.

"'Fraid not," I sighed dramatically.

"I bet Bridget and Audrey remembered! And Iggy always remembers!" He suddenly brightened up and ran out of the kitchen. I heard a shout and the sound of china breaking. Soon he was back, actually dragging poor Iggy.

"Let GO of me, you bloody git! You broke my tea cup, you ass!" The british man struggled out of Al's grip, straightening his coat with a scowl.

"Iggy, YOU remembered my birthday is today, right?" Alfred ignored the fact that he pissed of Artie to no end and looked at him with wide, begging eyes.

"Huh? That's today?" Arthur looked confused. "Wow. I did forget, mate. S-sorry." He stuttered as he saw Alfred droop like a flower in a draught.

I was feeling terrible. Alfred looked so sad. I wanted to hug him and tell him everything that we had planned. I exchanged looks with Arthur, and I could tell he felt the same. "A-Al-"

"Ellooooooo~!" I heard the door open and voices calling from the living room. Alfred was out there like a shot.

"Bridget! You remember today is my birthday, right? C-can you believe Sasha and Iggy forgot?" He chuckled weakly.

"... That was TODAY?" Bridget sounded shocked. I could just imagine her eyes widening with fake surprise. I walked into the room with Arthur in time to find Al in a tornado of shock and despair.

"... You too?" He looked at Bridget's sister. "Madge?"

"Uhhh... nope. Sorry, Alfred."

"A-Audrey?"

"Hm... I forgot, too," she admitted.

"... Jenny?" Al sighed, all hope lost.

"Actually, I think I... no, wait, that's my other friend... I'm sorry, too. I forgot all about it."

He stared at them all for a second before brightening up again. "MATTIE! Matthew, you're my brother! You remembered, right?"

"A-actually, I f-forgot all about it," Mattie whispered.

Alfred looked a bit angry and turned to Yao. "I don't suppose YOU remember?"

"... No, me either, aru." Yao shrugged, smiling apologetically.

Gilbert, Ivan, and little Ivan all came downstairs. I saw Al start to ask them, too, so I interrupted. "Hey, so, guys, we have to all go visit my aunt. She's only an hour away." A complete and utter lie, whatever. [5]

"Have fun," Alfred muttered. He was curled up in a ball on the couch. "I'm staying. Could you pick me up some ice cream? And I woldn't complain if you brought back a cake." Oh, great. We made him so depressed he'd turned into a discarded woman. I can see it now. Him watching old black and white TV, holding a gallon of ice cream between his knees and a spoon in his mouth, covered by a blanket and surrounded by used tissues. What's next, will he start saying ack? [6]

"Get up, dumbass," I said. "You're coming."

"Fine, but I'm sleeping the whole way there."

We all left and got into the van we rented for this very reason. As usual Ivan sat shotgun. Bridget managed to sit between Gilbert and Alfred again. Al laid his head on her shoulder and fell asleep.

"Meep," she said as I started the car up. She was grinning with a slight blush.

"You're so stupid." Madge flicked the back of her sister's head.

"Just because you have the sexual mentality of a ten year old, don't get pissed at me," Bridge said with a smile. "I'm the mature one. Sexually mature, not mentally, of course."

"... I'm the mature one," Madge muttered crossly, leaning back in her seat.

"I don't think we need to discuss anything sexual while there's a child in the car," Arthur spoke up. I glanced at him in the mirror to find him blushing. Ha! He was embarrassed!

"Okay, Iggy." Jenny put an arm around him. "We can talk about sexual things when we're all alone."

His blush deepened and he sputtered. This was funny shit.

"Big sister Sasha, are we there yet?" Vanya piped up, his little feet swinging. "Are we?" All around him were arguments and chaos.

"Remember, comrade," Ivan whispered, leaning closer to me, "you have to stay with me all day today."

"Big sister, are we there yet?"

This was going to be a damn long day.

**-/Hetalia/-**

"Alfred, wake up," I said softly, shaking the American. "Get up, sleepyhead!" He groaned and his eyes fluttered open, and he immediantly saw everyone behind me, all holding presents and banners, and a cake.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

"W-wha...? Is this...? IS THIS AN AMUSEMENT PARK?" Behind us was the entrance gate to an awesome park full of rollarcoasters and games. "DUDE! HAHA! THANK YOU!" He jumped out of the van and wrapped me in a bear hug.

"A-Al, you're going to crack my back!" I laughed and he dropped me.

"Thanks, everyone. You do care," he said, turning to everyone. He looked so happy he was almost ready to cry.

"I do not care," Ivan said happily. "I just did it for Sasha, da?"

"WHATEVER!" Audrey cried. "What are we waiting for?"

We all ran into the amusement park, ready for fun. We scanned around for something to do, when Vanya decided for us. "OH!" He tugged on my shorts. "Big sister Sasha, someone, can you win me that bear? Please!" He pointed to a giant bear holding a even gianter sunflower in its paws.

"Can do, little buddy!" Alfred gave him a thumbs up and went to the booth, where he bought three balls. He hit the item he needed to hit each time, and won the bear. The worker handed it to Al, and he handed it to Vanya.

"YAY!" Vanya cried, running around in a circle. You could only see the tip of his little feet since he held the bear over his head. The sunflower bobbed with each step, and I had to hold back a laugh. Ivan reached down and picked Vanya up by his overall straps. He still ran in the air, little legs moving a mile a minute. "The bear is mine, big me!" he cried, hugging his bear like a lifeline.

"Da, it is." Ivan looked closely at the sunflower the bear held. "Alfred, win me one."

"WHAT? Win your OWN, dude! It's my birthday!" Al looked taken-aback, like "what the fuck is this crazy man thinking, asking me to win him a bear?"

"Nyet," Russia said, setting Vanya down and stepping towards Alfred. "You win me one."

"No way!" With that, Alfred grabbed my hand and ran away.

"A-Al! AH!" I stumbled after him. "St-stop!" It wasn't until we were pretty far away that he stopped.

"Sorry. I wanted to piss him off and say thanks to you again. This was your idea, right?"

"Mm-hm." I smiled sheepishly.

"Thanks, bro. I was so surprise- Oh! There they are!" He pointed to to the group coming towards us. In the back was Ivan, smiling wider than ever with his arms crossed. There seemed to be a bubble around him, since everyone was staying a foot away, at least.

"C'mon!" He pulled me again, this time up and up stairs, until we reached the top. He pulled me into the rollercoaster boarding station, and then into the first car.

"Ivan is going to KILL you," Jenny laughed giddily, right behind us. She sat with Arthur, and behind her was Audrey and Yao, behind them was Bridget and Gilbert, and bringing up the rear was Madge and Mattie.

"He's waiting down at the exit with Vanya," Audrey snickered.

"Fuzzballs." I head-carred. I was dead. Suddenly, the coaster jerked, and we started to climb up. When we went down, I yelled out, "FUCK IT. IF I'M GOING TO DIE, I'M GOING TO ENJOY THIS!" I threw my hands into the air and screamed bloody murder. Laughs mixed in with my scream, and I heard everyone having fun. This was really a good choice.

When we got off, I remembered that Death awaited me. He was like the Grim Reaper, I swear. I hid behind Madge all the way down. She glanced back at me and snorted. "What the hell are you doing, Sash?"

"Hiding."

"Obviously! Why behind me?"

"Because you're the only one brave enough to punch him," I admitted. She grinned and held her hand out for a high five. I smacked it.

"Damn right I am." She put an arm around my shoulders and laughed. "Sash, we haven't had this much fun in forever."

"No, we haven't." I thought for a second. "You know you're still my best friend no matter what, right?"

"Yeah, course," she said, looking a bit surprised. "And you're mine." We grinned at each other. Madge wasn't one for sappy moments, but I think the rollercoaster loosened her up. "... And by the way... I kinda invited Caleb and Joshua. You don't mind, do you?"

My smile stayed in place. Sometimes it seemed like those two were taking away my best friend. I had been friends with her ever since kindergarden, I had known her first. But they were her friends, and they were friendly to me. I shouldn't be bothered by it. "No problem, Madge. Thanks for coming and helping me with it and everything, though. I know you don't like Al too much."

She shrugged. "You wanted to throw him a party. He's not... _too _bad. Of course I'd help, weirdo." [7] She smacked me lightly over the back of the head with a grin.

And then we were in front of Ivan. A pissed, happy-looking Ivan. "Comrade, you broke your promise."

"I didn't! Al pulled me away! There was nothing I could do!" I jumped behind Madge again.

"You touch her, I'll punch your lights out," she growled.

Dear, sweet Madge, how I love thee.

"Why are you punching a giant's lights out, shrimp?" I peeked out from behind her to see Caleb grinning. He held a present, and behind him Joshua also held a present. I waved.

"HAHA, DUDES, I DON'T KNOW YOU BUT THANKS FOR THE PRESENTS." Al went up and shook their hands enthusiastically, making them look a big freaked. Ah, yes. Madge had sane units.

"Sorry, guys," Madge said, clearly annoyed at the shrimp remark. "Sasha's units are nutcases."

"I've noticed," Joshua said, eyeing the America still shaking his hand and the kol'ing Russia. "So, where can we put these?"

"In the arcade," I said. "Madge, do you want to show them, or should I get one of the natio-"

"I'll do it," she replied hastily. She grabbed their sleeves and started to walk.

"Okay! Meet us at the pirate ship!" I called after her. "Ivan, I promise I'll stay by your side the rest of the day, please calm down. Let's go!"

We went to the pirate ship and rode it twice before Madge, Josh, and Caleb showed up. We rode rides and played games for hours, having tons of fun. We had to stop once Matthew almost puked after the loopy rollercoaster, and we headed to the arcade. There, Al opened up presents. I had got him his own camera, so he would stop "borrowing" mine, and he seemed to love it. He loved everything, excpet for Ivan's present. He had given him a free pass for "becoming one with Mother Russia". After that, we had hamburgers and we all ate cake and ice cream. It was getting dark, and so everyone stayed in the arcade, playing arcade games. I started to get tired, so I sat down on the bench, Ivan next to me. I watched the others play, a smile on my face. No one was arguing for once, other than a few spats about who was better at video games. This was nice.

Next thing I knew, I heard gravel crunching and everything was dark. Hm? I realized my eyes were closed, and I opened them a bit.

"Shh, comrade," Ivan whispered. "It is time to go home. Sleep, and I will drive."

I nodded sleepily. "Mm-hm. Thanks, Ivan. Madge!"

"Huh? What, Sasha?"

"Sorry for letting Ivan carry me," I said.

"Al tried to, but Ivan wouldn't let him," she muttered. "But it's fine. This once. He'll kill you, though."

"... Nah," I sighed.

"Go back to sleep, Sash," I heard Audrey.

"Yeah, you've been working too hard at work," Jenny chimed in.

"Not to mention I _know _you've been up all hours of the night planning this," Bridget added.

"This was awesome of you, Sash. Here." I felt a little thing on my stomach, and looked to find Gilbert putting a sleeping Gilbird on me. D'aww...

"You did a good job, big sister!" Vanya beamed up at me and I smiled back.

"I'll make you some tea and get you to bed when we get home," Arthur said softly, smiling at me.

"Thanks for letting us come," Caleb said.

"We had fun," Joshua added with a grin. "We should all hang out more."

I think I saw Madge twich.

I really love my friends.

**-/Hetalia/-**

[1] - Liebling means darling or baby in German~. Or technically guess it could be something like loveling... I don't even...

[2] - Much in Spanish. XD I don't know why I used it, I just did.

[3] - Thank you in Russian. I've used the incorrect phonetic spelling before. I apologize.

[4] - Oh god MLP reference. I'm so sorry. XDD If you have no clue what I'm talking about, well... good.

[5] - -_-' Here. Here is where my computer suddenly turned off and I lost EVERYTHING I had written after this point. I WAS ALMOST DONE. I am so pissed. So if it suddenly gets rushed and suckish after this, I'm sorry. It wasn't like that I HATE THIS THING.

[6] - It's from a comic or whatsit. Get it?

[7] - So, basically I wanted to get a bit more serious. So far, there'd really been nothing showing that Madge and Sasha are really good friends. They seemed more like frenemies, and people were picking that up. So I needed that part. I liked it. ^^ Showing Madge's and Sasha's softer sides... it was nice. I hope you liked it as well. I'm going to try to get more of this kind of stuff in chapters from no on.

I. AM. DONE~. So sorry it took so long! This chapter took TWO MONTHS, BRO. But I have to start doing this again, and I will reply to your reviews now. Please read and review,everyone!

I hope you liked it. I felt rusty, and I feel like it wasn't that good or funny. But I feel that for almost everything I write, so... apparently I'm a terrible judge of myself? According to you guys, at least. XD Again, hope you liked it.

OH! And if anyone is thinking about going to Ramencon in September in NW Indiana, tell me! My friends and I are trying to go.


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